Handicapped

Up until that crippling moment getting out of the car on Friday morning, I considered myself a fairly strong, active senior who could walk the theme parks, swim for over a half an hour at a stretch, cruise, dance, play mini-golf, travel, and participate in almost any activity I chose.

Now I'm not that person.

Now I have a handicapped tag and walk with a cane in constant pain.

Now I can barely make it the length of my house, and I'm not sure I can walk the two doors down to my neighbor's house to play Mah Jongg on Mondays.

Now I think twice before getting up out of the chair to do anything.

On the plus side, my blood sugar numbers are insanely good.  It's like I just suddenly stopped being a pre-diabetic and went back to being normal.

I have counted the carbs and calories almost every day since August 29 when I got my first high fasting blood sugar reading of 120.  Every day I got something between 103 and 129 first thing in the morning until five days ago.  My last five readings were 96, 88, 86, 79, and today's reading of 84.

A couple of those days were mornings after a fairly low carb day, but others were not.  For instance, yesterday I ate over 150 carbs and about 1600 calories.  The 96 reading followed a day of only 1200 calories and 72 carbs.  There's no pattern.

It also seems odd that the sugars became normal two days after I started on 20 mg of Prednisone, which is supposed to raise the blood sugar.  I've been in constant pain and moving far less on all of these days, too, and normally pain raises blood sugar.  I don't understand it, but I'm going to continue to plan and log in all my carbs and calories as well as check my sugar first thing in the morning.

This morning I'm down almost a pound to 266.6.  Nice.  I did do the water aerobics yesterday as well as walking into the doctor's office and going to the DMV.  I actually drove myself to the DMV and did that whole tag thing on my own.  It hurt the entire drive to Winter Haven and back, but just being in my car and driving somewhere felt so normal that I was able to push through the pain.

Today and tomorrow are Jewish holidays to conclude the fall holiday of Succoth. Today is Shemini Atzeret with Yizkor service and tomorrow is Simchat Torah.  Mark and I had already decided we would not go to Simchat Torah services either tonight or tomorrow because it's just not as much fun here as they make it up at Mishkan Torah.  We have always gone to that service here until this year, but with me in so much pain, I'm not going to be up happily singing and dancing with the Torah anyway.  Today's Yizkor service is more problematic. It's a somber service to remember our dead relatives and friends.  We have never missed that service either, as far as I remember anyway.  Mark said I don't have to go if I don't want to go, but I'm not sure how I feel.  Yizkor is one of those services that I could just recite here at home, but it seems so defeatist, like giving in to the handicapping condition.

If I'm going to be handicapped, I want to be the kind of handicapped person who doesn't let their condition stop them from doing what they want to do.  It might moderate my activity it a bit, for instance, walking less, using a scooter at a theme park, or doing only one big activity a day instead of two or three, but I don't want to stop all my activities.  I'm too young to be giving up on my life yet.

Weigh-in Wednesday

Last week I gained some and this week I lost exactly that same amount, making me weigh 267.4 this morning, exactly the same as two weeks ago.  I will take that, although I admit a bit of disappointment.  I've been on Prednisone now, so that can definitely cause weight gain.  I'm happy I actually lost some this week.  Now to push even lower!

I picked up another new drug yesterday at CVS, an NSAID that I've not had before, Meloxicam. It made me a little foggy headed just like everything else I'm taking.  On the plus side, my back feels much better this morning!  It's not perfect, but I can walk at a more normal pace through the house, and I'm not using the cane.  Definite improvement.

I talked to my friend Susan, so yoga instruction should begin next week.  I'm actually excited for that, and I went to water aerobics yesterday, which was fun.  I was able to do the entire 40 minute routing with only a few modifications.  I could not do the twisting motions, so when it said jump and twist, I just jumped up and down straight.  I know I also did it slower than the tempo set, and I was not jogging in the water as fast as I used to.  Doesn't matter.  I was in the water and moving for  40 minutes, and I was very happy.

Today we are heading back to do water aerobics again.  Then we are going up to the doctor's office to pick up the two forms he filled out.  One is for the Travel Guard insurance claim and the other is to get a handicapped tag from the DMV.  If we have time and energy, we will go to the DMV today to apply, but we might put that off until tomorrow.  No rush on it, especially considering how I feel this morning.

I'm shocked that I feel this good this morning because I felt like I overdid it yesterday.  After aerobics, we went to CVS for the new med, and then we had only an hour at home to eat lunch and plan a rehearsal before going back to the Cove for a two hour rehearsal with the Cove Singers.  I love doing those rehearsals, but my right arm was almost useless by then.  I couldn't move it almost at all without severe pain.  This arm has been hurting since we got on the train on July 10.  I have no idea why and all these anti-inflammatories, pain meds, and muscle relaxers, while working great on the back, don't seem to help the arm at all.  When I got home from that around 5:30 I was seriously DONE IN!  I couldn't move my arm; my back hurt; and I could barely stay awake.  At that point, I just sat in my chair with the heating pad and took more drugs and went to bed at 11.

Then there is this morning. My arm is hurting less.  I can lit it up without much pain, although it still doesn't want to reach around behind my back.  And my back feels nearly normal!  I realize this could all just be a manifestation of the many drugs I'm on, but I'll take it.

Barbara K, if you read this blog, here is my drug list.  I know you are on a great Canadian cruise right now and I am not.  Maybe you'll have some wi-fi and check up on me or maybe you'll see this later.  But I'm listing the drugs just for you to check that these can all co-exist nicely together.  I don't think I've ever been taking so many things all in one day!  I'm going to send you an email as well to check on this.  Thanks.  Love you!

Meloxicam 7.5 mg twice a day, taking at 8 a.m. and 8 p.m.

Tramadol 50 mg, two times a day, taking at 10 a.m., and 6 p.m

Orphenadrine 50 mg, twice a day, taking at 10 a.m. and 10 p.m.

Prednisone  20 mg, once a day, taking at 1:30 p.m  Wednesday is the last one.  it was a five day course.

Those are my new meds.  In addition to all of those new ones, here is what I take every night all at the same time at about 11 p.m.

Allopurinol 300 mg

Tizanidine 4 mg

Atorvastatin 10 mg

Anastrozole 1 mg

Vitamin D 1000 units

Vitamin B6  100 mg

Ranitidine 300 mg

Flonase 50 mcg

Tums, two extra strength for 1500 mg

Gummy Multi-Vitamin

Trying the pool today.

Let me start with blood sugar readings.  I have had three normal readings in a row: 96, 88, 86.

Those are the first normal readings that I've gotten since August 29 when I started testing regularly.  The first two I explained by eating under 100 carbs a day and having a small 10 carb snack at 10 p.m. with my bedtime muscle relaxer.

HOWEVER, this morning there is NO reason why I should have had the lowest reading yet because we went out to dinner and I binged.  The whole dinner was nothing but carbs, which I ended with five chocolate chip cookies and a bowl of fresh papaya.  When I got home, I ate the last black and white cookie at 11 p.m. for a bedtime snack with my last pill.  Ridiculous.  I have estimated that I probably ate well over THREE HUNDRED carbs for the day yesterday.  And still got my lowest reading.

No answers for why on that.

And despite the fact that I must have eaten nearly 3,000 calories yesterday, I also did not gain any weight this morning.  Still at 267.4.  Some times there is just no explanation for what my body is doing.  LOL!

I went to my family doctor's office yesterday for my follow-up from the ER visit.  My regular doctor was not there because her son got married over the weekend, so she was out of town.  We saw her partner, Dr. Weinberger, who actually wished us a L'shana Tovah.  Cute.

I was not overly impressed with him, so I'm glad we chose the lady doctor to be our regular doctor instead.  He mumbled a lot, causing us to ask him to repeat himself several times.

He disagreed with the ER doctor.  So he does not recommend any PT, no MRI, no reason to see an orthopedist unless I want surgery.  Evey disagreed with all of that.

The good thing is that he did call in prescriptions to extend the pain pill and muscle relaxers beyond Wednesday, and he also called in an NSAID more powerful than Advil.  I'll pick them up later today.

He said swimming or water aerobics was a good idea, so I'll be off to do that at 10:30 this morning. I'm very curious to see how that goes.

He said lose weight.  DUH.  I know that, but not just overweight people get stenosis and arthritis in the back.  I have suddenly been talking to lots of people who have it.  All of them are normal weight. Still, I am obviously trying to lose weight because I agree that will help.

I have an appointment with our regular doctor at the end of October for a check up and pap smear, so I can get re-evaluated by her at that time.  I have not ruled out going to an orthopedist.  I have the name of an excellent one in Celebration to see.

I talked to Dr. Weinberger about the pain in my shoulder.  He was unconcerned and recommended nothing for it. Geez.  It has been hurting since mid-July, and he had nothing to say except that I wasn't pointing to a joint in the shoulder, so it's not arthritis.  Fine.  But what is it?  If I end up going to an orthopedist anyway, then maybe he can help me figure that out.

I also have a friend who is recently retired from being a PT Assistant, and she's a yoga instructor.  She is going to start giving me and my friend Judi special, personal yoga instruction to help us strengthen our core and back muscles, which I'm sure will help a lot.  She was quite excited to do this for us.

At 3 p.m. I'm going to lead a Cove Singers rehearsal, so we'll see how that goes.  I can sit on a stool while I direct, but it will be two hours of some movement and time on my feet.  Today will involve the most activity I've done yet, so I'll see how that goes.

Learning to live with a new condition that I did not know I had is quite an adventure!

Not in Canada this morning....

No, we did not wake up in Quebec City this morning.  We were able to get in contact with our travel agent, so the cruise, the airline tickets, and the shore excursions are all canceled.  We were already refunded the shore excursion money and the port fees and taxes from the ship.  For the rest we have to submit a claim form to Travel Guard after we see the family doctor to get her to fill out the form.

Tomorrow morning I will call the family doctor and try to get in right away for follow up.  The ER doctor said to get an MRI.  I also want a scan of my shoulder because it started to hurt while on the train to Evey in July.  In three months, it has only gotten worse.  Now I'm wondering if it isn't also arthritis in there, too.

Once I was on the muscle relaxer, pain pill, and prednisone yesterday, I definitely got some relief.  I was not pain free, but there was relief.  Then this morning, when all the drugs were out of my system, it was just as painful as ever to get out of bed to get going.  At 9:30 a.m. I took the pain pill and the muscle relaxer after eating breakfast.  An hour later, I am definitely feeling that the edge of the pain is dulled.  I still can't walk pain free, but I'm sitting still in front of the computer pain free, so that's something.

I am eager to move on to the rest of the learning curve for managing this. I talked to Evey for quite awhile yesterday.  When she worked in the PT clinic, she saw many people with this exact diagnosis getting some relief from the PT.  I fully expect either the family doctor or the orthopedist, whom I also hope to see this week, will send me to PT.  I also have a good friend who is a yoga instructor and her husband is a massage therapist.  I might be able to use their services in the future, too, to help manage this condition.  I plan to ask the doctor if these things are safe to pursue.

Unfortunately, there is no cure for this.  There are ways to manage the flare ups and try to have more good days than bad.  Since I didn't know I had it, I have just allowed it to progress to this critical point where the flare up is especially bad.  Now that I know I have it, I will do what I can to be sure I never allow it to reach this point again once it calms down.

Weight loss and exercise are always the answers!  I know that trying to increase my movement, especially non-weight bearing exercise like swimming or water aerobics will help build muscle strength as well as burn more calories.  I also am working on slowly losing more weight, but that is not going to be fast.

I had an excellent day yesterday.  I had 1500 calories but only 76 carbs.  My blood sugar reading this morning was NORMAL, 96, for the first time since mid-August!  I was thrilled to see that.  Now I'm going to try hard to keep the daily carbs around 80 or less every day. I also had one Oreo thin, which has 5.2 carbs and 35 calories, at 10 p.m last night as a little snack to have something in my stomach when I took the muscle relaxer at bedtime.  Mark thinks having a little carb at night is the way to have a better blood sugar reading in the morning.  Often I have not eaten any carbs after dinner, so maybe that little bit did help.

I also was down in weight this morning.  The scale said 267.4 this morning, which is where I was about two weeks ago, so I was quite happy with that.  Let the weight loss continue!

PAIN UPDATE FROM ER NOW INCLUDED

UPDATE FROM ER:
First of all, kudos to the Poinciana Medical Center ER and staff.  That was by far the best ER experience I've ever had.  Saturday morning at 9 a.m. is an excellent time to arrive as I was the only patient at that point and was taken right back.

All the nurses and the doctor who took care of me were excellent.  We were in and out in under two hours.

They did a CT scan of my lower back and gave me a shot of a strong muscle relaxer and a narcotic pain med by mouth and sent me home with three prescriptions: 5 days of Prednisone 20 mg, 15 days of the narcotic pain pill, and 15 days of the muscle relaxer in pill form.  None of these have refills.  Currently, Mark is heading to CVS to get these meds.

The diagnosis was spinal stenosis and degenerative arthritis of the spine in L3/L4 and L5/S1.  There is no actual cure, and it will continue to flare up and subside the rest of my life.

This WAS NOTHING that I suspected it might be.  The doctor advised against going on the trip.  At this point, Mark is taking the Travel Guard insurance papers back over to the doctor to have him fill them out, since he said don't go on the cruise.  The nurse said she did not think we would get our money back on this diagnosis, but it's worth a try.  Otherwise, the $4,000 already spent is just gone.  We are okay with that.  The ship might refund the shore excursion money at least.  The airfare is probably lost, too, but we will call Westjet and try to find out.  I've already called the travel agent about cancelling the cruise, and I'm waiting for her to call back.

This is a terrible diagnosis in that it means flare ups and debilitating pain for the rest of my life.

THIS ALL SUCKS!

We went to shul yesterday for second day Succoth services, and when I got out of the car, I had intense pain in the lower back and was unable to stand up straight and barely able to walk.  Occasionally, in the past month I've had some lower back pain, but it was never this intense and usually went away with just a little time sitting down.

NOT THIS TIME!

I couldn't even stand up during the services.  I made it to the end of services by just sitting them out. Then we left and went home. I took three of my muscle relaxers (that is 6 mg of Tizanidine, not a huge dose), more Advil, and lay on the couch with the heating pad.  I fell asleep for a few hours, and then I fully expected to get up and be fine.

NOT THIS TIME!

Now it is morning and I'm still the same.  I got up four times during the night to go to the bathroom, and it was sheer torture each time to stand up.  I started using the cane from back with the knees just to help stabilize me as I walk.

We may have to cancel this entire trip to Quebec.  At least we have travel insurance!  It will pay us back if a doctor says I'm not fit to travel, so as soon as Mark is dressed, we are going to the local ER across the street.  I want to know if this is just the lower back muscles spasming or something worse in the spinal cord.  I am hoping they can do some x-rays or scans to see what is the problem and give me an opinion on whether or not I can actually do this.  Right now, I don't think I could even walk from one end of the ship to the other, let alone do all the shore excursions we have planned.  I know that the airport can provide wheelchair transportation to get me out to the plane, but getting in and out of a cab?  Carrying my luggage?  Getting anywhere hurts, so I really don't think I will enjoy this cruise if something doesn't change.

Unless the ER docs think that some stronger muscle relaxers and/or pain meds and some time will cure this, we will probably have to cancel.

I will update this blog when we get back from the ER with the results.  Stay tuned.

Succoth is coming.

Let's start with the Wednesday Weigh-in Report.  Not good.  This morning I was 271, a gain of 3.6 pounds for the week.  Fasting for one day is not helpful when you overeat the rest of the time.

At my appointment about the pre-diabetes, my new family doctor thought that I was not eating enough calories.  Interestingly, Evey also said that.  I have tried to keep the calories around 1200, and when I did that, I lost weight.  This week I was averaging closer to 1800.  The family doctor said that at my current weight, if I ate about 1800, maybe even as high as 2000, I would still lose a pound a week.  I told her that was not going to happen because I've been on and off diets my whole life, and I have a pretty good idea of where that weight loss threshold is.  Well, I think I proved my point.  Averaging 1800 calories a day for this week caused a gain of 3.6.

Sadly, I didn't set out to do that in order to prove her wrong.  I was just binge-eating the Halloween candy a couple of nights and generally overeating snacks several other evenings.  We also ate out a lot this week with the Yom Kippur meal at Landry's Friday night, the break the fast Saturday night, and the Food and Wine Festival for lunch on Monday.

Today we are having company over to eat in our Succah for the first night of the holiday of Succoth.  This couple, Steve and Betty, have never eaten in a succah, so we had promised them the opportunity to do so in our succah this year.  Mark is making a Diabetic Living recipe, so the entree will be fine.  I have to watch myself on the challah and dessert.  Betty is bringing wine and fruit.  I'm still not drinking alcohol, so I'm not worried about that.  I would love to see a pound gone by tomorrow morning.

Friday night we are having dinner in the synagogue's succah.  They are having Make Your Own Tacos, but we aren't sure if they are going to be meat or dairy.  In either case, there is a big chance of over-carbing that night.

Sunday morning early we are flying to Quebec City and will begin 15 days of eating out.  OY!  2 nights in Quebec City and 12 nights on a cruise ship is NOT conducive to weight loss.  My goal for this trip is to have a good time, eat and drink in moderation (or less), and come back home weighing the same as when I left.  There was only one other cruise when I came home at the same weight as when I left.  Usually I'm that typical cruiser who gains a pound a day on a cruise.  That would be so depressing to return from this cruise up15 pounds! OUCH.

In any case, the holiday of Succoth is a happy one.  It is also called the Festival of Booths, which is what the succah sort of is, as well as called the Time of our Rejoicing.  This is truly a happy holiday! I hope everyone who celebrates it is rejoicing.

Monday, Monday

The High Holidays are over, and they were excellent.  Our synagogue does have very long services, but they are excellent ones.  The spirituality and the friendships among the people are heart-warming. My little choir of 11 singers did a wonderful job, even though some of the time it was a little less than the total for a variety of good reasons.

We did do what we said we would do at Landry's for the Friday night dinner.  We had no appetizer or dessert.  I did take a small piece of the excellent garlic bread and ordered a Crown Royal Apple on the rocks to help lower my sugar.  Our entree was blackened grouper, string beans, and a baked potato.  The potato was huge, and I did not eat all of it.  During the fast, because I needed to take Advil for my knee, I did eat two hard boiled eggs (no carbs!) in the morning but then nothing else until the break the fast, which came at 8:15 p.m.  I even did very well at that meal, but my sugar numbers never seem to be affected by any of that.  I was still around 110-120 every single day.

Yesterday I made a huge boo-boo.  We checked out of the hotel, went to Winn-Dixie to shop, and then got home.  A neighbor came over to talk about the auto train, and a friend called to talk about something that had happened to her over the weekend.  Finally, I started to unpack....YIKES.  I left my laptop in the hotel room.  GEEZ.  I called them, and they had it.  We immediately drove over and got it, so that's a credit to the honesty of the housekeeping staff at the Comfort Inn!  What a scary moment.

Now last night I was BAD.  I had an excellent day all day right up until about 10 p.m. when I began to binge on my Halloween candy.  I started out counting it and logging it in.  I had three  Milky Way minis and a large Lemonhead.  If I had stopped there, the day would have been fine in both calories and carbs, but I did not stop.  That just set me off.  I sat the candy bag on the coffee table in front of me and kept reaching in over and over for nearly half an hour until Mark noticed and took the bag away from me.  Geez, like a bad kid, but I deserved it.  I have no idea how much I ate, how many calories, or how many carbs.  Ridiculous.  This morning my sugar was 121, which is not horrible. It wasn't the highest or lowest morning sugar reading, so I was somewhat relieved because with all that candy so late at night, I thought I might have had a very high reading.

Well, I just have to try harder today, although we are having lunch at the Food and Wine Festival at Epcot.  The good thing is that all the walking helps.

On another topic, I had sent a letter to my sister Flyn about things that I did that were less than sisterly towards her and for which I felt I needed to ask forgiveness before Yom Kippur.  She called last night and we talked for an hour and a half. It was a great conversation, and of course, she forgave me.  And I forgave her for the slights she felt that she had done to me.  It was one of the best conversations we have had in a long time.  I felt wonderful after it.  Yeah, and then I binged on candy, so go figure!

All day long I had a horrible pain behind my right hip.  It felt like a terrible muscle spasm.  In fact, I could not straighten up at all the whole day and even got my cane out, which really didn't help much. Even sitting it just was a dull ache all day long.  Then when I went to bed last night, I found that lying on my left side completely took away the pain on the right side.  Weird.  I was up at 3 a.m. with the horrible inner thigh cramp on the right side and the tops of both feet running up my shins also cramped.  I was in terrible pain for about ten minutes.  I hobbled to the kitchen to drink some quinine water and then settled into my living room chair, which usually helps me get the cramps out.  After about fifteen minutes, every muscle had settled down and I fell asleep in the chair until 6 a.m.  At that time I went back to bed to lay on my left side until I got up at 7:30.  My hip is still hurting this morning, but it feels far less painful than yesterday.  I hope I can get through the day and all the walking at Food and Wine!

Meanwhile, I am hosting the Monday morning Mah Jongg group at my house, so I need to close this blog, finish breakfast, and tidy up a bit before they arrive.