Think only happy thoughts.

I woke up this morning and had a good cry in bed before I could get up and face the day. Mark brought me a nice cup of coffee, like he always does, and it really helped. Clearly it's unproductive to cry and wallow in self-pity no matter how tempting that is sometimes. I had my morning cry; now it's time to move on with the day.

The news I got yesterday from the surgeon has increased my knowledge. Knowledge is Power, so I will share the knowledge.

The cancer is called invasive lobular carcinoma. It formed in the lobules of the left breast, the glands that make the milk. Unfortunately, it has already left the original site, so the surgeon did not get it all last week. He has now outlined a plan that I'm going to follow. Here's the plan:

First, I have to get an MRI of both breasts. This type of cancer is often found on both sides. The MRI will show if it's lurking undetected on the right side as well. If it is, then I will be having a double mastectomy.

Second, I will meet with a multi-disciplinary team which will include surgeons, oncologists, and radiologists who will review my mammograms, ultrasounds, MRI, and biopsy report to give me second and third opinions and go over all the options again before I make any final decisions. That is tentatively scheduled for August 19 at St. Agnes Hospital in Baltimore.

The two options that the surgeon presented yesterday are:
1. A bigger lumpectomy of half the breast followed by daily radiation treatments for 6 weeks.
2. A complete mastectomy with no radiation. (I am leaning towards this one right now.)

In either surgery they will inject dye (hopefully a kind I am NOT allergic to) to identify the "sentinel nodes." These are the lymph nodes where the cancer would go first if it has left the breast. When they have been identified with dye, they will be removed and biopsied.

If the cancer is NOT in the nodes, then I will be cured. There may or may not be additional treatment like chemo or pills.

If the cancer IS in the nodes, there will be chemo and pills until I'm cancer free.

If the cancer IS in the nodes and beyond...well, I don't want to think about that right now. There is no way to know anything more until the MRI and the surgery.

But there was GOOD NEWS!!! I can go to Florida and buy my house! I can stay there two weeks and unload the PODS and move in. That's fabulous! I'm excited about that.

Today we will sell our house at 3 p.m. Sunday we will head to Florida.

I have now vowed NOT TO think about, talk about, or read about cancer for TWO FULL WEEKS at least!! I am only going to think happy positive thoughts about driving to Florida, visiting friends and family along the way, and buying my beautiful new house.

I am glad I lost 100 pounds in this past year. I have developed somewhat better eating habits, not great, but better. I'm sure that I will withstand the upcoming surgeries and other procedures that might be done in the future because I weigh 100 pounds less. I will try really hard to maintain this new weight and/or maybe lose more to fight this MONSTER!

I am in a life and death struggle. I will WIN!!