Yesterday was a great day. We really had a blast with Bev and John. Mark planned the waffles and wings lunch, which was delicious. We also played "Storming the Castle," a new game based on the movie The Princess Bride. That was a lot of fun, and Bev was the big winner.
Then we met Lowell and Emily for dinner at Clyde's in Columbia. What a nice time that was. We all had delicious food and wonderful conversation. Emily is so cute and so very nice. I really feel like she's easy to talk to, maybe because she is a teacher. I think Lowell is lucky to have her, and I pray that their relationship continues.
Then there is today. I can't seem to get anything together today. I have not even gotten dressed. This is not the first time I got up and just couldn't seem to get dressed or motivated to do anything. Mark, as usual, is up early and following his routine. He's done laundry, shopped for the week's groceries, and watched some planned shows online and on TV. I have done nothing except doze on and off through TV. At least I did watch the last two week's worth of Biggest Loser. Sadly, I also ate about 2,000 calories already today, mostly during the four hours of the show. There is only one week left here in Baltimore since we drive away next Thursday. I hope I can get my self together when I am in a new environment. I'm not even looking forward to the cruise really. I'm so out of it, and so weak, that I look at the shore excursions and think, "I can't do that. It's too hard." Oh, my gosh, how did I get to this point. On our last cruise, I thought I could do anything! I was stronger and healthier than I had been in a decade. Now I'm in a dark pit where I don't think I can do anything. It's like a depression, but I don't know why. I am done chemo, so you'd think I'd feel very happy. All I can hope is that I get out of this blue mood soon. Lowell will be here at 5 for DVDs and dinner, also he'll come back tomorrow for the same. We'll finish the five seasons of the show How I Met Your Mother tomorrow. Maybe I'm depressed because I know that I'll be missing Lowell very soon. I'm excited to go to the wedding and go to Florida, but it means leaving everyone up here behind. When we were so busy selling the house and packing and moving, I didn't have time to think about what I was leaving behind. Now all I do is sit and think about that, leaving all our family and friends. Yes, they will come to visit us and we'll visit them. Yes, we'll have the internet to keep in touch, but I think I'm starting to realize how much I'm going to miss everyone.
And all will miss you! It will take some time to regain your strength and energy. You have more energy sick than I have well!! New adventures will keep you busy and happy. Lots of adjustments. More than most people do in a year. Counseling is always good.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you are having a rough day. I am thinking of you. I am glad that you got some rest today. That will help you gain some energy. I don't know about how your weather has been, but ours has been so very cold and with minimal sunshine for the last few weeks. I feel like that is bringing my spirits down some. Will you be in sunshine on your cruise? If so maybe just getting out in sunshine even if you aren't high on lots of energy will help you feel a little better. I am sure that you will miss your Maryland friends and family when you move, but hopefully you will start feeling better with the wonderful new adventures that you and your husband will have together. I will keep you in my prayers as you get ready to move. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add--I put the job search for myself on hold for a little bit because my husband has been sick for a little while. He is still able to go to work, but he comes home and is exhausted. We are lucky that he has a very good dr, but I am trying to do all that I can to make him more comfortable through this time until he is better.
ReplyDeleteOn a new topic, I tried unsweetened almond milk today with lo carb/high protein powder mixed in to make a chocolate smoothy. In one cup of the milk plus 2 scoops of the protein mix there were 160 calories, 25 grams of protein, 4.5 grams of fat and only 5 gms of carbohydrates in it. The best part was that it tasted good and filled me up for about 3 hours. I am going to keep this as a regular in my menu.
We will all miss you, too. We will definitely keep in touch through the internet and snail mail, etc. I hope you will enjoy the wedding and the cruise and finally getting settled in your new home, and that these ventures will lift your spirits. You have been through a lot and need time to get your strength back - physically and emotionally. Lots of love always, Nadine
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