Mundane Day

Selling the house yesterday took over 3 hours and was a much more stressful event than anticipated. Our good friend and lawyer, Linda, helped us by phone and fax to get it done. I'm sure the buyers think we were the bad guys, but that's ok. We are convinced that they are the bad guys! LOL At any rate, Mark and Linda and our agent Jan got it done. I, on the other hand, sobbed and cried like a baby in the corner of the office unable to cope with any of it. Pretty embarrassing to think about today, but I just couldn't handle the stress. Thank God for Mark, Linda, and Jan keeping their heads and stepping up to the plate.

After yesterday's very stressful house settlement, I'm looking forward to a mundane day. Today I plan to go to the bank, get my nails done, clean out the car, reorganize some stuff in the motel room, and go to our friends' house for dinner. Very nice.

The weather is cool and beautiful which makes everyone feel happy.

My MRI is officially scheduled for August 17 and the meeting with the oncology team at St Agnes hospital is officially scheduled for August 19.

But in between I have a lovely four day drive to Florida with stops at friends and relatives along the way, and I will buy a beautiful house in Poinciana when we get there.

Think only happy thoughts.

I woke up this morning and had a good cry in bed before I could get up and face the day. Mark brought me a nice cup of coffee, like he always does, and it really helped. Clearly it's unproductive to cry and wallow in self-pity no matter how tempting that is sometimes. I had my morning cry; now it's time to move on with the day.

The news I got yesterday from the surgeon has increased my knowledge. Knowledge is Power, so I will share the knowledge.

The cancer is called invasive lobular carcinoma. It formed in the lobules of the left breast, the glands that make the milk. Unfortunately, it has already left the original site, so the surgeon did not get it all last week. He has now outlined a plan that I'm going to follow. Here's the plan:

First, I have to get an MRI of both breasts. This type of cancer is often found on both sides. The MRI will show if it's lurking undetected on the right side as well. If it is, then I will be having a double mastectomy.

Second, I will meet with a multi-disciplinary team which will include surgeons, oncologists, and radiologists who will review my mammograms, ultrasounds, MRI, and biopsy report to give me second and third opinions and go over all the options again before I make any final decisions. That is tentatively scheduled for August 19 at St. Agnes Hospital in Baltimore.

The two options that the surgeon presented yesterday are:
1. A bigger lumpectomy of half the breast followed by daily radiation treatments for 6 weeks.
2. A complete mastectomy with no radiation. (I am leaning towards this one right now.)

In either surgery they will inject dye (hopefully a kind I am NOT allergic to) to identify the "sentinel nodes." These are the lymph nodes where the cancer would go first if it has left the breast. When they have been identified with dye, they will be removed and biopsied.

If the cancer is NOT in the nodes, then I will be cured. There may or may not be additional treatment like chemo or pills.

If the cancer IS in the nodes, there will be chemo and pills until I'm cancer free.

If the cancer IS in the nodes and beyond...well, I don't want to think about that right now. There is no way to know anything more until the MRI and the surgery.

But there was GOOD NEWS!!! I can go to Florida and buy my house! I can stay there two weeks and unload the PODS and move in. That's fabulous! I'm excited about that.

Today we will sell our house at 3 p.m. Sunday we will head to Florida.

I have now vowed NOT TO think about, talk about, or read about cancer for TWO FULL WEEKS at least!! I am only going to think happy positive thoughts about driving to Florida, visiting friends and family along the way, and buying my beautiful new house.

I am glad I lost 100 pounds in this past year. I have developed somewhat better eating habits, not great, but better. I'm sure that I will withstand the upcoming surgeries and other procedures that might be done in the future because I weigh 100 pounds less. I will try really hard to maintain this new weight and/or maybe lose more to fight this MONSTER!

I am in a life and death struggle. I will WIN!!

My diagnosis: BC

Yesterday I woke up after a good night's sleep and felt ready to face a long day of chores. I was in such a happy mood, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for finishing up the house, that I made up a ditty, "We'll get the chores done, so we can go and have fun." I said it several times yesterday with a smile on my face.

About noon my smile left. My ditty evaporated. The light at the end of the tunnel WAS an oncoming train, a train called breast cancer.

My surgeon called with the news. He is always honest and somewhat brusque, but this time I really thought I detected a note of genuine sympathy in his voice. He said the pathology report came back with the diagnosis of breast cancer. He said I needed to come in to see him as soon as possible (which is today at 4 p.m.) in order to go over the pathology report in detail, take out copies of all the reports, and discuss treatment options. He indicated that he was sure I would need additional surgery.

What he did not say: the stage of the cancer or the prognosis. I hope to find that out today.

So we finished the chores. If you read that LONG list of chores yesterday, I want you to know we did it all, except #4 and Erick came at 9 a.m. (my mistake)! I alternated between not thinking about it and crying. I yelled, paced the basement, and got pissed off. I typed some emails, made some calls, wrote on Facebook. The hardest thing was telling my kids. They are far away from me and I cannot hug them and comfort them as I deliver the bad news. I waited until they were home from work or chores, so I didn't have to upset them in the midst of something else. Still, it was hard. I could not stop myself from breaking down and crying, and I think that set them off into crying. I'm sorry, Lowell and Evey, but I tried to be strong, but I think honest emotion is better. I hope you agree.

Today we are going back to the house to do a final load of laundry there. We have to make a lot of phone calls today: cancel cable, internet, gas and electric, close a bank account, house insurance. We also have to learn stuff about new car insurance in Florida and new house insurance. We also have to make calls about our new health insurance options in Florida, who the knew doctors might be, and decide where the treatments will take place. We might have to go to Florida, buy and set up the new house, and then come right back up here for treatments. At least I know the doctors here and have friends and family for support. If the surgeon says I should immediately have treatment, we learned that we can buy the house without ever going to Florida, everything by fax and email. Although our belongings are leaving today for Florida, they can wait in a storage facility down there forever, or until we have time to go unload them into the house. We could even NOT buy the house, forfeit the 5k down payment, and just put the proceeds from the sale here in the bank and live off of it in an apartment or motel up here until my treatments are over.

That last thought is NOT my first choice. I WANT my house. I WANT my dream retirement life in that house, going to Disney World, traveling, laying by the pool. I still WANT all that. I WANT to see my daughter get married. I WANT to start treatments and fight. I will not give in. I will fight no matter how sick I get from any treatments. Nothing is more important than living longer.

Up and At 'Em

A good night's sleep can really make a difference in one's outlook! I feel wide awake and ready to face the next bunch of tasks.

Everything yesterday went swimmingly smooth. We took stuff to the dump and then headed south to Thornburg, VA to meet up with my sister Flyn and my niece Katie. I had some mementos from our mother, who passed away at age 58 back in 1983, that I wanted to give her. We shared lunch at Burger King (veggie burger and garden salad for me) and lots of memories and laughs for over two and a half hours. It was really delightful.

In the evening we also headed north in the rental truck to Baltimore. We went to Cindy's house, my other sister, to leave Mark's comic book collection (in about 26 plastic tote bins) in her garage. That also went remarkably well. Lowell came as well so we could return his Swiss army knife that he accidentally left at our house and to get his house key that I forgot to ask for Sunday. It was great to hug him again. We also got to ooh and aah over her brand new remodeled kitchen, which our brother Kip built for her. It's magnificent.

However, in between the visits with the two sisters, we went back to the house to spend an hour just tidying up some last minute things. That's when we faced two major setbacks.

ONE: The recycling men did not take anything. Over thirty feet long and three feet high, the piles of magazines and books were still sitting there. The recyclers had taken similar batches the last two Mondays, so I think when they saw this batch, they just didn't feel like dealing with it. They left us a note that it was too heavy (possibly some were, I will give them that) and that recyclables cannot be in cardboard boxes (despite the fact that cardboard is a recyclable item and the note also said we could recycle in a "container of our choice," so I chose cardboard boxes). DOH! OK, even given that, there were plenty of smaller stacks that did not weigh too much and were not in boxes. What about THOSE you recycle men??? HUH?

TWO: The new buyers do NOT want the shelves in the basement made of cinder blocks and boards that cover all the walls, floor to ceiling, and used to hold the comic book collection. All emptied out and cleaned, they still looked very good. But no, they don't want them. There are fifty cinder blocks, yes 5-0! Each weighs a LOT, so Mark would have had to make 50 trips up the flight of 13 stairs to put them on the curb. I would have made about 30 trips carrying the boards. And there was no guarantee the trash men would take them. We do NOT want stuff laying on the curb when the new family does its walk-through on Thursday. AAGGH!

SO...ka-ching. More money flying out the window...or as my sister Cindy said, "This is the time when you are moving when you feel like you should just open a vein and bleed money." YUP. That's the feeling. We called our wonderful contractor. He is coming over tonight to clear out the recycling and all the shelves with a crew. Great. All will be gone tonight, but at what cost? He could not give an estimate over the phone without seeing it. Oh, well...we have to do it.

With all this work, you'd think I'd be losing a ton of weight. It's Tuesday, so I weighed in at 218. Hm...back up 3 pounds. Whatever.

Today's tasks: (Items 1-3 are with Peggy's help, God Bless Her!!)
1. Empty the pantry and two cabinets of spices.
2. Empty and clean the fridge.
3. Sweep and clean the upstairs of the house.
4. Close one bank account and deposit all the funds into the other bank account. (No PNC banks in our new location.)
5. List the items for donation to AMVETS so we can get a tax deduction.
6. Load the truck with AMVETS donations.
7. Deliver the items and unload the truck at AMVETS.
8. Possibly pick up Mark's car: OY the AC repair will cost $1750.oo, more bleeding of money!)
9. NARFE printing and some business for Mark to do while I'm cleaning with Peggy.
10. Deal with Erick at 9 p.m. when he comes to load the shelves and recycles.
11. Who knows what else will come up!!

Done and Done IN

It was a long hot day yesterday, at least until the huge storm came along and dumped rain and high winds down on us. From 9 a.m. to about 6 p.m., Kip, Mike, Lowell, Mark, and I worked on packing and loading the POD. We didn't make it. The POD got filled before the stuff was gone, so it was a good thing we rented a 10 foot box truck from Budget Rental. We put 26 plastic stackable totes full of Mark's comics in the truck. My wonderful sister Cindy is going to let us store them in her garage until September.

So the house is essentially empty except for the shelves that the comics used to be on in the basement, the food in the fridge and pantry, odds and ends that didn't get into the POD (but nothing big or major), and laundry! Wow! It's frightening how high the piles of trash and recycling on the curb look. We are really praying the trash men don't run away in fright.

I wanted to take Kip and Mike out to dinner, but they were just too tired and too grimy to consider a restaurant. They took off for their own homes and some hot baths. We took Lowell out to dinner, but that was an adventure in itself. Originally we had planned to go to Pizza Hut for all of us, but since Kip and Mike weren't coming and Pizza Hut doesn't have anything but beer, at the last minute we decided to go to Applebee's where I could get a nice drink with dinner. Hm...for some reason Applebee's and the Long Horn Steakhouse next to it were PACKED. It's a Sunday night around 7 p.m. and it's not a holiday, so we were surprised at the crowd. We didn't even park and go in, just circled the lot and headed to Don Pablo's. Ah HA!! Now we found out why the other places were so overcrowded. A long section of route one, including "restaurant row" had no power. At least 7 or more major restaurants were closed due to power outages. The huge storm had done its work over there. So...back to Pizza Hut after all.

But NO!! Although Pizza Hut had power and only 5 tables of over two dozen tables had customers, we were told that it would be a 35 minute wait before our order could be taken and another half hour before the food would get cooked, so we should probably leave as it was over an hour's wait. HUH? I looked back at the dining room again to verify it wasn't packed. No large crowd of people was waiting with pagers to get seated like happens at Cheesecake Factory. We didn't get it, but HEY, we have never liked that Pizza Hut anyway. We hadn't been there in years, and our opinion of the place was not improved. Hm...guess that's the LAST time, literally, that we will go there.

So where did we go for dinner? Well, it was the perfect place. Why didn't we think of it first. There is a charming Chinese restaurant right next door to our local Shopper's Food Warehouse in our own neighborhood. We have been there a few times over the years, but we had never taken Lowell. We went. They had power, tables, a short wait, polite staff, delicious food, low prices, and fruity girly drinks. I was in heaven. If you want some good Chinese food in Laurel, go to Chung King Mongolian Bar-b-que in the Maryland City section, next to Shopper's on route 198. You won't be sorry.

We said good bye to Lowell and went back to the house. We had to load Mark's suitcases in the car and put some more laundry in. Then we checked into the Econo Lodge on route one, about a 5 minute drive from the house. The room is more than adequate. Mark always does his research when selecting hotels. He looks for the intersection of Choice Hotels, AAA recommended, and cheap. We also wanted a microwave and fridge. This place had it all and a great location. We were quite happy with it when we saw it. We had a lot of stuff to drag in to clear out both cars, then NO! We did not flop, exhausted, into the bed. Oh, no. We had to drive Mark's car up to the Ford dealer to leave it overnight to get the AC fixed. He's been driving without it for over a month. NOT FUN!! And because a large section of route one had no lights, we took a longer, but safer, route with lights that worked. Still it went smoothly and we were really in the room for the night about 10:15. Not bad. Slept well and discovered that this place has a wonderful shower! One of my priorities.

So today is another jam-packed day involving taking things to the dump, driving to Thornburg, VA to meet up with my sister and give her some stuff, and driving up to north Baltimore in the rental truck to put the 26 totes in my sister's garage. Whew! I'm getting tired just thinking about it, but before you know it, it will all be done.

Today is THE DAY!

It's moving day! That was a line from a book and a movie, The Secret of NIMH, but it will also be our mantra for today.

My brother, his friend, possibly his wife, and our son will all be showing up here very soon to load this POD!! Mark and I stayed up until nearly midnight and set the alarm for 5:30 this morning to keep working at packing. We are getting close. We need another dozen or so boxes, which we'll pick up around 10 a.m. when we go out to get the Budget rental truck. We're hoping we don't need to load the truck, too, but if we do, it will contain totes of comics that we could easily store at someone else's house until September. I don't plan to drive a rental truck to Florida this time. If we are lucky enough to get everything into the POD, then the truck will be used to haul the things we want to donate to Amvets. There is nearly an entire living room full of that.

Thanks go out to my friend Lois! She came and took my dining room table and chairs and a TON of stuff out of the living room. The old table will get lovingly refinished and put to good use. I feel really happy about that. Lois had a good time picking out things to take to give to her grandchildren or use for herself. It was like shopping at a thrift store without having to pay!! She has paid us back with love over the years! Thanks, LOIS!! (I don't even think she knows about this blog, so it's a good thing I hugged and thanked her in person yesterday.)

Thanks go out to our friend Joel. He took multiple car loads of stuff back in the winter to sell at yardsales, craigslist, and eBay. He did a great job. We split the profits and both felt rich! He also spent several hours last week helping us sort and carry up various boxes of trash and recycles from the back of the basement, plus he came over this week to take the bench press and free weights to use for himself. Thanks Joel!

Thanks also must go to my cleaning lady, good friend, and big sister I never had, Peggy!!! Could NOT have gotten as far as we did without her tireless work for two extra days in here. She is amazing. She is also coming tomorrow and Tuesday to do the final cleaning, especially of the basement floors. We haven't seen the basement floors in years, so there is a considerable amount of dirt and dust on them. I know she'll have them shining by Tuesday afternoon! Again, she is an amazing woman.

Last night was our last night to sleep in this house. We moved in right after Passover, April of 1981 with our two year old son. Today we will sleep in the EconoLodge on route 1 in Laurel, about a five minute drive from the house. I am not sad. I'm looking forward to the next adventure of our lives together. We have had some fabulous times in this house. Like any family, there have been glad times and sad times. The glad have been more frequent, fortunately. We have raised two incredible children to become magnificent adults. We are extremely proud of both Lowell and Evey. We feel that we have done a pretty good job as parents; I hope they agree. If not now, maybe someday later.

Time to go eat the great breakfast of lowcarb pancakes Mark has made for our usual Sunday morning breakfast. It will be delicious, and it's the last meal he will cook in this kitchen. I think he's going to cook a lot more great meals in the beautiful new kitchen we will be in very soon.

Respite, albeit brief

This morning it is Shabbat. Whew. Time to relax, for a little while.

First I went out and gave my plants a huge drink this morning. I had not done this for awhile. We were gone or it rained, but yesterday it was a BLAST furnace outside and they were really looking fried. I gave them an extra long drink this morning to try to get them through a day that will be over 100 here. I don't plan to go out anymore to water them, so I hope it holds them until their new owner starts taking care of them.

Mark and I worked really hard yesterday from 8 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. with just a short lunch break. We were really exhausted. I flopped into bed at 9 p.m. and fell right to sleep, aching all over.

Today we get to go to a bar mitzvah and a luncheon. It's a chance to see a lot of our synagogue friends that we might not see until September and the High Holiday season. Then this afternoon we have to get back to loading the last of the stuff into boxes. I hope to have everything done by tonight with the possible exception of the kitchen. There's a real possibility that I'll be doing that tomorrow morning while the guys are loading the pod.

Last night was our last Shabbat dinner in this house. We were reminiscing about the first one when we had a 2 year old at the table with us. I can't really remember it, but it was fun to fantasize what it was probably like. We used to buy him a little toy for every Shabbat. We kept that tradition going through Evey's little girlhood, but that' probably one reason why there's so many little toys in the basement collecting dust. Ha Ha!!

I'm also worrying about the pathology report. I know it's useless to continue to worry when I have no information, but it's also really hard to stop. I have learned that the internet is a friend and foe. It's possible to read anything about anything at any time. Most of it is not useful, but some of it is just frightening. I should not put too much stock in it. Some of it is also inspiring and helpful. One thing I have learned is that it is hard to apply any of their stories to ME personally, especially without a diagnosis.

It seems that not eating out, having no snacks in the house, and working and sweating for eight hours a day is a great weight loss tool. Ha Ha. I have dropped seven pounds in two days, but sadly I had just put those seven on recently. I had hit 222, which was a number I was proud to report last year, but now is embarassing. This morning I was 215, still up 10 from my lowest. I'll watch myself at the bar mitzvah luncheon today.