She kicked my ASS!

INTRODUCTION: "This blog is LONG!"

First, I'm just going to warn you right up front that this is a LONG blog. Sorry. Read it like a book in chapters if you like.

CHAPTER ONE: "A Pretty Picture"

I'm going to start off with the good news. At Tuesday night's rehearsal for the Guys and Dolls show, the photographer for the group took a picture of me singing my solo from the beginning of the song "Believe" from the movie Polar Express. She sent it to me last night, so I'm including it here. I'm pleased with it. I think I look very nice and very happy and relaxed. I never noticed her taking the picture and I actually was a little nervous, but the nerves don't show. This is currently my favorite picture of myself, so I just had to include it here.

CHAPTER TWO: "Everyone has an opinion"

Although there were no comments on the blog yesterday, or for many days, there were emails sent to me personally about it. I am going to quote some of those emails here and comment on them. I have the permission of everyone to do this. That's why this blog is going to be so long, so if you want to read it like chapters in a book over several hours or days, feel free to do so. LOL!

CHAPTER THREE: "Some Anonymous Tips or This Chapter is Really Long"

The first email I received was from an old friend who wishes to remain anonymous. She is doing an excellent job of maintaining her weight over the years, although she said she wished she could drop another thirty. Most women in my age bracket say that! Of course, I say 100!

In case some of her tips might be helpful to others who read this blog, I'm posting her tips and my responses to them. Her tips are in quotation marks and the usual type/font followed by my responses in italics.

"You know all about portion control, veggies and fruits, no sugary drinks, blah blah blah. Weird tips:"
First, yes, portion control is a huge key and it's one of the things that trips me up at restaurants, buffets, or parties where things are unlimited. I eat lots of veggies but probably could do more fruit. I never EVER drink sugary drinks.

"1. Three carbs a day. Maybe four. Maximum.
South Beach Diet starts you at 1 (or maybe 0, I forget) and ramps up to 3. But who can do that? Not me. If you can keep your carbs to 3 or 4 a day (bread, potatoes, rice, cookies (well, when I say "carbs", I really mean starches.) you're doing good."
As for carbs, Mark controls them intensely. When you say one or two carbs, I assume you are talking servings. Mark counts them in grams, 6 grams for breakfast, 12 for lunch, 12 for dinner, and 6 for a mid-morning and 12 for a late night snack. That's a total of 48 all day. Trust me, that's ONE serving of some foods that contain carbs, so you can imagine how little he eats. On Weight Watchers, you were allowed 2-4 servings per day, which is tough also to stick with. When I was dieting strictly, I did not count carbs, only calories, but since I ate with Mark and he never made pasta, potatoes, rice, or bread at any meal, I could easily keep the carbs down. It's in restaurants or parties that I lose it on the carbs.

"2. Sin small, every day.
Being sinful is important. I usually eat a piece of chocolate. But that's it. Sometimes it's ice cream. Or potato chips. I can't stop at one cookie, so I don't eat them very often."
I CANNOT do this. I have NO self control. If I eat one small portion of anything, I will suddenly eat it until I pass out. I might even do it again for several days in a row. It's like offering just a little glass of wine to an alcoholic or just one oxycodone to a drug addict. Nope, I'm a food addict and just cannot do this.

"3. Acidophilus
I try to take a capsule a few times a week, though I'm random about it. Why? Because studies show that people who are heavy often don't have quite the same intestinal flora as thinner people. I figure I'm just giving my intestinal guys some reinforcements."
Well, I had not heard this one before, so maybe it's something I could add to the diet. When I was sick with Cdiff, I ate three Activia yogurts a day because that was supposed to help restore the normal flora; however, that's too many calories on a regular basis and part of why I gained weight on chemo. Capsules would be a lot easier. I will most definitely look into that one.

"4. Protein
I don't know if you're a vegetarian? Do you eat fish? Chicken? Eggs? I forget. Remind me...you probably already know this though. But I try to throw in a little protein with every snack (like nuts or cheese with fruit, hummus and veggies, etc). Keeps you full."
We are not really vegetarians, although we often tell that to people that we don't know well when we are in their homes or restaurants just because it's easier than explaining the kosher laws. We eat only kosher meat. We eat plenty of fish and eggs both at home and outside the home. Chicken and red meat we eat only at home, or the homes of other kosher people, or in kosher restaurants. I do know protein is important. Mark eats lots and lots and LOTS of nuts to get his calories and protein for meals and snacks because they taste good, have protein, and have almost no carbs. I am not supposed to eat nuts because of my diverticuli condition. I slip up on this a LOT because I LOVE nuts. Unfortunately, I should stop eating them for many reasons, but they are a food I absolutely adore and find hard to give up. They are also always in the house for Mark, so it's a hard thing to keep my hand out of the bag.

"5. Don't use artificial sweeteners in anything. Just makes you hungrier."
I have not heard that artificial sweetener makes you hungrier. I drink coffee black, so that's no problem. I eat sugar free jello and sugar free popsicles and sugar free gum, all sweetened with Splenda, as snacks at night to keep me from eating other things. I cannot give that up. I also drink sugar free diet sodas, but not too often. I don't believe those things make me hungrier. I believe that I have a messed up system, and I'm always hungry. I always want to eat, and it takes a LOT to make me feel sick enough to want to stop eating. I believe I have a serious eating disorder.

"6. Olives.
Yum! I just discovered that if I'm hungry (or I just think I'm hungry),and I want to stuff something in my mouth, a few fancy olives will do the trick w/o much caloric damage. I like almond-stuffed olives and castelvetranos, both of which are stocked at my local grocery olive bar."
If Olives were the only food in the world, I would die of starvation before eating one. I cannot STAND olives! Sorry, no can do this tip.

"7. Eat less soy. I don't eat much soy, but I've read recently that it's not that good for you. It's probably in a lot of fake meat products?
http://www.foodrenegade.com/dangers-of-soy/"
I am in love with soy in all its forms. We have spent years eating tons of it in place of meat trying to keep our cholesterol levels down. Now I have to pull back on that because it has estrogen-like properties that might feed my cancer. I am allowed to have some every day, so I eat three Morningstar Sausage Links every morning for breakfast because they are high protein, low fat, low carb, very filling, warm and satisfying, and low calorie. I cannot give them up! We try to eat soy products for dinner only once or twice a week now, and I usually do not eat the soups with soy in them that I used to eat for lunch. I have also stopped buying the bags of soy chips that I LOVE. They are way lower in calories than a potato or corn chip and they are delicious, but I don't buy them anymore.

So these are some great tips from my friend, and maybe someone reading this blog will find one or two useful. Later she suggested popcorn to me. I cannot eat popcorn for the same reason as I shouldn't eat the nuts. When I was told I had diverticulosis (the condition of having the diverticuli pockets in the colon), I was told I should never eat popcorn, seeds, or nuts ever again. Seeds come and go. I don't look for them to eat, especially, but if they are on a hamburger bun or bagel, I don't scrape them off. Nuts I still eat much too often. Popcorn I NEVER touch anymore. I had not eaten any popcorn for nearly fifteen years. Then one night when everyone around me was having some hot, freshly popped bowls, I succumbed and ate a small bowl. Two days later I was in the ER with intense pain from a massive infection in one of those diverticuli pockets. Popcorn was the culprit, and it's not worth that pain. I was lucky because I know people who have had to have surgery to remove part of their colon from that kind of infection. The antibiotics cleared mine up quickly, so I was blessed. NOPE! NO POPCORN FOR ME!!

CHAPTER FOUR: "She Kicked My ASS!"

Mark and I sure didn't raise no dummies! LOL!! Evey is an amazing woman, and her education is being well-used, too. She immediately sent me an email last night that I will freely admit made me cry. Today she said she thought she was too harsh on me and realized it would probably make me cry. So what, I said!! I needed the kick in the ass. Today I went to the gym and did my weight routine for the first time in 3 months. I also walked outside for 30 minutes in the lovely 74 degree sunshiny, "fancy Florida weather." She did me a favor. I LOVE HER!

I have her permission to quote her email to me, so here it is. I post it on this blog very proud to be this woman's mother!

"Hi. I read your blog today and I have a lot to say about it. First of all, Dad needs to hide the scale again. You cannot keep weighing in everyday. It is counterproductive and does not impart any sort of useful information. Secondly, you cannot give up. You still boast a large loss overall, and you had a rather large roadblock in the middle of things called cancer. The fact that your back is starting to hurt should be your motivation and your wakeup call. You HAVE to make time for exercise. As a retired person with no kids in the house, you have NO excuse not to at least get out and walk around in your fancy Florida weather. As for the food, you need to remember that you were in the process of making a lifestyle change. You gave up "dieting" in favor of "eating appropriately". And it was working! Remember that it isn't about what you eat, but how much. Keep your portion sizes small and fill up on things that are low calorie. And go back to your gum and tea habits to avoid snacking.

Having said all that, your oral medication is working against you. You may not be able to lose much weight while you're on it and that's okay. But you can't keep gaining wildly. You can't blame the medication for that because you know why you're gaining. And you can't just sit behind your laptop and complain about it.

You always told me that if I wasn't doing everything I could to solve a problem or get something then I didn't really want it that bad. Why don't you want this badly enough? You might want to sit down and think about what is really stopping you from attaining this goal, or maybe even what is so appealing about the path you're on now.

Cry, be angry, have a pity party, do whatever it is you need to do and get it out of your system. You beat breast cancer, but you can't lose some weight with every tool in the world at your disposal? Ridiculous. I know how much better you feel when you weigh less, and it is worth it to fight for both your physical and emotional health. That's all I got."

Boy, she's go it all, doesn't she? She is right. I showed Mark this email this morning, and as he was reading he kept saying, "She's absolutely right," over and over. And SHE IS!!

So today she motivated me to go to the gym and to walk. I have eaten an excellent breakfast and lunch today. No cheating! Tonight dinner is going to be early, 4:30 p.m., because I have to leave the house at 5:15 to go to the concert. That will mean I'm out of the house and up on my feet singing until almost 10 p.m. No time to be snacking then! Yes, today is going to be a good day in many respects.

THE END