There was a party going on last night at the house next door that continued until 2 a.m. Saturday night in the Rosens' neighborhood is a happenin' place, apparently. I drank 2 cups of coffee at dinner at TJ's and 2 more cups at the house watching the America Ferrera movie, Our Family Wedding, on itunes. I guess that's why I had so much trouble sleeping.
Instead of sleeping, I lay tossing and turning, as best as I could in a twin bed shared with Mark, and thought about cancer. UGH. Not a fun way to spend the night. The party definitely was over by 2:30, but then the pouring rain came. It rained loud and hard the rest of the night. And I laid there listening to it and thinking about cancer. At one point I'm pretty sure I slept and dreamed, about cancer. I dreamed that I found lumps that were painful to the touch under both arms, telling me that I was definitely going to need chemotherapy after surgery. The dream was so real that when I got up to take a shower, I actually looked for them. Sigh of relief, they were not there.
Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the rain, or the loud noise, or the caffeine, or the three straight days of shul, but this morning, I feel very old, crotchety, and sad. That's not good because at 2:30 I need to pick up an old high school friend who lives in Seattle but is visiting here. She's going to be at the Silver Spring metro. I'll pick her up; we'll shmooze and maybe walk Brookside Gardens if it's not raining; we'll go to the Royal Dragon for kosher Chinese food; I'll drive her to her brother's house in Annapolis after dinner then back to Silver Spring for the last night at the Rosens. As usual, I don't have TIME to sit around and feel old, crotchety, and sad. I have to get it together and be sociable. Do you ever just feel like it's not worth the effort to be sociable anymore? Do you ever feel like being old, crotchety, and sad? Well, today's my day for it.
You cannot be "up" and happy all the time. How would you be able to appreciate it? After 3 days of celebrating, I woke up drained and looking for a very quiet day to pull myself together. I'm checking my email, talking to friends, and trying to do things that are low energy. Know you're probably over scheduling because you want to cram in as much as you can before the surgery. Try to remember to put aside some "down" time so you can recharge your batteries. I'm very taken with your last blog--7 things that you are grateful for each day. (Thanks Rae.) It will be on my mind when I finally get out and get some exercise. Get back to basics and look for your 7. I hope it helps. Will send you my 7 when I have the chance.
ReplyDeleteWell, I am feeling anti social today as well. Could be contagious as I caught it from a grouch this morning!! Also rain, Shuled out and needing some down time alone. You have big things on your mind.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the shlepping and traffic with the Skins game and the rain. Maybe you need to let others do some.
Anyone distractions are good but you need to feel what you feel. That is real life even if it is not pretty.
Thanks Arlene and Robin! I totally agree with everything both of you have said. I do think it was the lack of sleep and the rainy, dark weather. I felt better as the day went on and I had a great time with my old high school friend. It was just one of those mornings! Hey, and the Redskins won! Everybody is happy today.
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