Seriously, is there any other choice?
I have had a really hard time writing this entry tonight. I have started it over and over several times. I'm not sure how to say all of this or exactly how I feel about it. Intellectually, I think I'm OK with all of it now, but then I start to block on what to write. I don't know why that is. Usually I just type what I'm thinking, but I don't think I want to think about this.
Let me start again.
I met with Dr. Griffiths, my medical oncologist, at 2:30 this afternoon. No one can ever accuse her of not giving enough of her time. She was with us for over TWO hours. I was pretty impressed.
I have been home for hours, and I've cried only a little bit. Lowell came over for dinner and TV tonight. I sat there holding his hand tightly and crying. My sister rubbed my arm gently. I am sad, but they are here for me. It's ok. I guess I knew this was coming today. I felt pretty depressed most of yesterday and quite nervous going in there today. Somehow, I felt calmer coming out. At least the waiting is over. The plan is set in motion. I don't want to do this, but here it comes anyway.
One interesting thing is that new clinical trials have shown that condensing the timing on the chemo gives better results. Traditionally, chemo was given in three week cycles, but mine will be given in two week cycles. A two hour IV one day, an injection the next day, then repeat two weeks later for eight cycles over sixteen weeks. The first four cycles will be two drugs together, Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The last four cycles will be a different drug, Taxol. The injection the day after the IV will be a drug called Neulasta to help the bone marrow make more white blood cells. All of these drugs bring lots of side effects. I came out of there with three prescriptions for various anti-nausea meds. What does that tell you!
I also learned that the grading of my cancer was a 2. For some reason, I thought Dr. Dziuba said it was a 1. A 1 means that the cancer cells, under a microscope, are the least aggressive, slow growing kind. A 3 is the most aggressive and nasty. Mine are a 2, something in the middle. I'm a Stage IIA, T-2, N-1 cancer.
I have to do four things before the chemo starts: get a port installed in my right chest, get a flu shot, get an echocardiogram, and have blood work drawn. If I can't get the last three done before the chemo starts, the cancer center will do them all when I come in that first time next week. The main thing is to get to the surgeon for the port. It's an outpatient procedure but under light anaesthesia, like that used for a colonoscopy. Dr. Griffiths, herself, called the surgeon's office to try to fast track the port surgery for Monday or Tuesday. She really wants me in on Wednesday or Thursday for the first chemo cycle. I will hear back by mid-morning tomorrow about when the port installation will take place. Once that's done the echocardiogram will be scheduled around it, if possible.
I will lose my hair. That's a biggy. I'm going to go to the hair salon on Monday and have it cut very short. I think it's long enough now that I can donate it to Locks of Love. The hair will all fall out three weeks after the first dose of chemo, so the plan will be to have that first cycle next week with really short hair and then go get my head shaved a week or two later. There WILL be pictures posted on the blog of this! I don't expect to look very good as a bald lady, but I want this process documented. I also plan to have Mark take pictures of me in the chemo chair getting my first IV drip. No matter what, I want this documented in pictures. I don't think that's wrong.
There is one bright light shining at the end of all of this. Dr. Griffiths said that by starting next week, we will be finished at the end of January. I can then go to Florida for a consultation with a radiologist down there and have the set-up appointment with them. Then, and this is the best news yet, we can still go on our three week cruise from February 14 to March 5!! YAY!!! I don't have to do the radiation until we get back from the cruise. This is the ONLY good thing that is happening right now. At least I have this cruise to look forward to. I'll be bald with one mutilated breast, but BY GOD, I'll be cruising in the Caribbean!!
Ah Becky. You always save the best for last. With all that's going on, you deserve to have something fun waiting for you--Cruising in the Caribbean sounds like a great plan.
ReplyDeleteHi Becky-- Sounds like you have a wonderful, caring doctor and that you're in good hands. I agree with Arlene--- it's great that you have the cruise to look forward to-- a light at the end of the tunnel-- that is, the sunshine on the Caribbean! Hope all goes well!
ReplyDeleteHi Becky!
ReplyDeleteI have always admired you. The way you are facing all of this just increases my admiration. I don't know if I would have the courage to not only write about your whole experience, but to also document it in pictures and share that. There are positives to cutting your hair - it will benefit others and you will lose some more weight. Seriously, go ahead and cry, let it out. I know all too well what happens when we hold back intense feelings. I am so glad you have a great doctor and loving support around you. And I am really glad you have the cruise to look forward to. Put pictures up all around your room of the ship and the Caribbean and bring some with you to your chemo sessions. I will keep you in my prayers.
Love,
Nadine
Becky,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you have the cruise to look forward to at the end of chemo. I am also glad that you are getting the chemo every 2 weeks. It will help it get over with faster. I am sorry that you have to have another procedure done to get your port, but it will help chemo go easier if they have an easy time getting access to your veins. I am glad for my port myself and it doesn't bother me ever. I am glad that your dr is making sure that you are going to have a minimum of nausea after these chemotherapy sessions. All of your drugs do have alot of side effects possible,but don't forget that not everyone experiences alot of side effects with these drugs. I hope that you will be one of the ones who don't experience many side effects. I am so glad that you have plenty of people close to be by your side as you go through all of this. I am thinking of you today.
Hi ladies,
ReplyDeleteThanks for all these supportive comments. I slept remarkably well last night considering all my news.
Arlene, I'm glad you liked the snake image from yesterday. I was really moved by that. It is a vivid image that really spoke to me. I felt like that but could never have expressed it so eloquently.
Rhonda, I have read about the port. Most women seem to love it and have no problems with it. Sounds better than trying to find a vein each time, for sure! I have a prescription for an anaesthetic cream to put on the site right before they insert the needle each time. Do you have that also? What side effects have you had? Do you know which drugs you are getting? Are they the same as mine? You have been a good cancer-buddy online and I do really appreciate it.
Becky,
ReplyDeleteI don't have the anesthetic cream to put on the needle site, but I am sure that I could get it if I needed it. I have seen and accessed lots of ports in my pre-metastatic breast cancer days as an RN and my own port is placed higher up than most others I have seen and worked with. Mine is right under my collar bone on the right side. Most others that I have accessed are down lower in the breast tissue. My port stays very stable and is very easy to access. Sometimes they will move around a little when they are lower down. I think that is why mine doesn't hurt much to access. The anesthetic cream works great for the people who use it. When I first got my port in I had some pain, but I used the vicodin that I had for the metastatic cancer pain and it worked fine. I think that my port hurts a little once in a while just because my right side is where I had 66 lymph nodes removed in my original mastectomy and I tend to get some swelling in that area even before the port was put in. Any discomfort from the port at this point (7 months after it was inserted) is very minimal and liveable. It basically doesn't bother me much at all.
I had Adriamycin, Cytoxan and Taxotere 8 1/2 years ago. Taxotere is in the same family as Taxol. I had some nausea which was easily relieved with compazine at home. I had some diarrhea at times which was helped with lomotil. I had some issues with mouth soreness. This was helped with a mouth rinse that had lidocaine, benadryl and nystatin in it. They called it magic mouthwash. It didn't taste very good, but it made my mouth feel much better. Just like you, for me Adriamycin and cytoxan came first. When I got to taxotere I had an allergic reaction with the first dose which was resolved with iv steroids and iv benadryl. I remember a rough few days after a dose of iv steroids for the allergic reaction where I couldn't sleep. After that they gave me oral steroids for a few days before the other doses of Taxotere and I was fine. Those are the main side effects that I remember from those drugs. I worked full time while I was doing those chemo treatments and did fine. Some people thought I was crazy for working in the hospital with sick people when I was immunosuppressed with chemo, but I didn't have any problems. One thing that helped me was that I walked about 5 times a week about 4 miles a time. I tend to worry about things and I think that keeping busy and keeping my mind off of my worries helped me get through chemo better. I know that you will figure out a good plan for you to best get you through chemo. I was surprised at the fellowship that I experienced with other people getting chemo. I would usually have some of the same people with me when I had chemo back then and we would start talking together and getting to know each other a little. It was actually kind of fun (as strange as that sounds) I am going to a different oncologist than I did 8 1/2 years ago, but I am having some of the same experiences of fellowship with other chemo patients while I get my chemo now. We sometimes get to talking and it's kind of fun to get to know some new people.
Right now I am getting Navelbine for chemotherapy. There are some side effects, but less than I had 8 1/2 years ago from Adriamycin, Cytoxan, and Taxotere. Or maybe I am just not as afraid as I was 8 1/2 years ago and that makes things seem not so bad.
Well sorry that this note is so long. Write back if there is anything else that I can tell you. I hope that you get in a little time for fun this weekend if possible. By the way I have now read all of your blog and I enjoyed it so much. You are an inspiring and strong person. I will be thinking of you.
Hi Rhonda,
ReplyDeleteThanks for all of the info on your chemo/port experiences. I can't seem to get enough of that info right now. You are inspiring me!! If you can do that and work, too, I should be able to get through this just fine. I'm also really impressed that you went back and read the whole blog. WOW!! That is something. Glad you enjoyed it. I have had a good day and I'm looking forward to going to my brother's house to babysit his two dogs for the weekend. I will have a lot of fellowship with the synagogue people today, tomorrow, and Sunday. I have lots of fun plans for this weekend, so don't worry about that AT ALL!! LOL Take care of yourself!