Sleeping In and other Thoughts

I have not slept past 7 a.m. in a long time. We usually have had such busy agendas that we set the alarm for 6 a.m. every day. I could not believe it when I got up at 8:25. How is that possible? Now I'm a little worried because I might not be able to go to sleep tonight at a reasonable hour, and I have to get up at 4 a.m. tomorrow in order to leave at 5 for the hospital. Mark is joking that he's not even going to bother going to bed! He's only half joking because his morning routine is THREE HOURS LONG. No kidding!! If he has to leave at 5 a.m., he would set the alarm for 2 a.m. SERIOUSLY!! So what's the point of going to bed at midnight and getting up at 2? We'll see.

This is my last day with two intact breasts. Isn't that a funny thought? Millions of women have had to spend that day before surgery with that thought, but until this morning, I never gave it a thought. LOL Hm...dark humor, at best, but it's what I was thinking.

Some of you who have recently started reading this blog have been shocked at what I have said. I say the truth. I say it bluntly. I might even say MORE than I would ever say in person, although not always. Many times I've blurted something out, then Mark turns to me in shock and says, "Is there NOTHING you won't say?" As a teacher, there are really times you WANT kids to keep their comments to themselves! LOL I know a lot of teachers who read this blog, and I KNOW you KNOW what I'm talking about. BUT, this is MY blog. This blog was created BY me and FOR me to be brutally honest about my weight and what I was eating and how I was progressing. I created it because I was sitting there on a Tuesday night, watching The Biggest Loser, and binge-eating 5,000 calories of whatever crap was in the house. The irony of that did not escape me. I realized I needed to do something to jump start my diet back on to a positive track. I decided that writing about the struggles honestly and bluntly on a public website might just do it. I don't know for sure that it's working, but maybe it is.

As these 11 months have passed, the blog moved on to the hernia surgery (which was what the weight loss was for in the first place), the Cabaret, Mark's heart condition, our big trip, our move to Florida, and now my cancer journey. I have to say what I think or there is no point in having this. It's very much like a diary except that it's open to the public to read. It's kind of scary to say your innermost thoughts out loud for everyone to see and comment on. In fact when I first thought of this, I called Evey to help me figure it out and to suggest the platform to use (blogspot by Google), and she warned me about that. She asked me to think long and hard about whether I wanted to "put it all out there" for anyone to see and comment on. She said sometimes random people make mean comments to you on there. I did think about it, but honestly, I never figured anyone would really be reading it except Mark, Evey, and sometimes, Lowell. Even those three don't always read it! Ha ha. Even though more people are reading it now, and commenting on it, I find that it is my daily little release of emotion to put something down in writing, this from a person who used to HATE writing in school. I would still hate creative writing, thinking up a story from nothing. I admire people like Lowell and other writers who can do that. I do not have that kind of fertile imagination, but I do find that I get tremendous joy from writing my thoughts down in this blog. It's just a little bonus if anyone else finds it interesting to read or wants to send me a comment about it.

Just for those who are still interested, I weighed 219 this morning. Yay! One pound under the surgery weight from November. Not great, but at this point, it was my goal. So I met it.

I'm off to exercise at the pool, do a little more shopping, and try not to think about tomorrow. Can we say, Still in DENIAL? Ha Ha Maybe, just a little.

No more blogs from me for a few days. Mark will post tomorrow night or early Friday to let everyone know that I'm out of surgery and doing ok. I'm supposed to come home Friday afternoon, but I think I'll be too out of it and my left arm will be stiff and sore, so there won't be any blogs from me until I'm a bit more myself. If there is anything to say, Mark will say it here.

I send out very sincere thanks to everyone for their many, many wonderful and loving comments both here on the blog and on my personal email, as well as the many phone calls. I love you all.