The Best Breast Cancer Husband

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, someone (sorry, can't remember who) recommended a book to Mark. It is called Breast Cancer Husband by Marc Silver (somewhat ironic?). His wife, Marsha, was diagnosed in 2001, shortly before the Twin Towers fell, and he published his book in 2003. It is designed to help the newly diagnosed HUSBAND navigate his way through all of this strangeness. There are so many books and online resources for women, but there was not much out there for men. The husbands are an integral part of the whole process, so Mr. Silver's book was quite the new, honest look at it from their perspective.

The book sounded intriguing to me, and wanting to keep Mark up on the latest, I thought he might want to read it. I downloaded it on my Kindle in early September. Although Mark has not shown the slightest interest in reading it, I have been fascinated. I'm more than halfway through it already. Since the author is from the Baltimore-Washington, D.C. area, it is interesting to see him referencing hospitals and places that I know well. His writing style is easy, genuine, and full of anecdotes and interviews with other wives and husbands suddenly thrust into this unfamiliar tangle of medical information.

I have confirmed several things in this book that I have already encountered. First, I loved his remark about the taste of water. He basically said that essentially no one can taste the metals that are in ordinary water except the chemo woman! How true! I discovered the nasty taste of the tap water in this house about a week ago. One night I took a sip and thought it was the most disgusting thing EVER. I went for a few days drinking only tea before we had a chance to buy some bottled water. I find that Deer Park water is OK so far, but Marc Silver's wife could only tolerate distilled water, which literally has nothing in it at all. If the Deer Park turns funny in my mouth, I'm all for sending Mark out for the distilled variety.

Second, it confirmed for me how common it is for women to cut their hair and/or shave their heads pro-actively, although he does say the loss happens sooner than my chemo nurse said it would. His book says that Adriamycin will cause hair loss 10 to 12 days after the first infusion, but my chemo nurse said one week after the second infusion. That's quite a difference in time. I already chickened out of doing it last Sunday because it just seemed too early. If I thought it was going to be in 10 to 12 days, I might have done it. On the other hand, the people who are infusing me see this happen all the time. I bet they have it timed perfectly. Now I'm starting to think I will shave on October 24. That will be just one or two days before it should start anyway. I have put an email out to Kip and Denise, inviting them back for a shaving party on that day. Meanwhile my head is tingling and itching almost constantly. I had read online that the week before the hair follicles die there is a lot of sensation on the scalp. I just don't think the hair follicles die off without a little protest first. Maybe my hair will not last until October 24, but if that's the case, then it will fall out on its own.

Third, it is inspiring to read about other people's experiences and know that there is hope, a light at the end of the tunnel, an end to the torture, and a future. I found many similar stories online by myself, but I never tire of reading them. They get me through this.

Fourth, I actually did three things before chemotherapy started that are important. I had my annual dental exam and cleaning, got a flu shot, and had a pedicure. These are things that really can't happen for awhile after chemo starts, so I'm glad I thought to do all of these things right before. Mr. Silver and many doctors recommend taking care of other routine health issues prior to chemo since it's just so hard to do anything like that afterwards.

Finally, and most important, I have learned that my husband, Mark, is the BEST breast cancer husband in the world, or at least up there with the very best mentioned in the book. He has by instinct done everything that this author is encouraging husbands to do. He is taking an active role in my care by attending every doctor's appointment, taking notes, asking questions, being a sounding board without judging, taking care of routine household chores (which he basically did anyway! Way to go, Mark!), and putting his own life on hold with me as we go through this chapter of our married life together. I could not ask for more. He really doesn't need to read this book after all.