Yesterday started out really well. The weather was nice. I took a little walk. I visited with friends. My sister came home for a little while after a week, so we got to catch up on things. Then the bad times started.
My old friend, constipation, decided to revisit. I suffered with that for over six hours. Long night, but it's over now. I just had a big bowl of high fiber cereal for breakfast. Hopefully that will help today.
Our plan today is to go to the local little mall called The Rotunda. Mark is going to get his flu shot, and I want to buy some flavored water, non-carbonated. I hope that will give me some more variety in what to drink. I'll also get plain bottled water as well. Originally we were going to go to the movies, but we have decided to wait until tomorrow for that.
I have decided not to shave my head today. It's too soon. I cannot face losing the rest of my hair yet. I am just getting used to this little hair cut. I sure did get lots of good advice yesterday, and I thank everyone for that. It really did help me to decide. My brother and sister-in-law will still come over for dinner, and she is bringing me a hat that she made. I'll post a picture of me in my new hat tomorrow!
As for the trip to Florida by auto-train, that may have resolved itself because the roommettes seem to be sold out. I do not want to sit in coach, so if there is no separate room available on any of the dates that work for us, then there is no more discussion of that. We could, of course, drive down, but I really don't think I'm up for that. I am more afraid of being gone, away from my oncologist and hospital, than I am of wanting the time in Florida. I don't know how Mark feels, probably not the same way; however, I really would not have wanted to have spent the night I just did here in the house in a train bathroom. EWWW!! That would have been just awful.
Once again, I'm looking forward to a good day. I am trying to keep my spirits up. Everyone says a positive attitude is important. I couldn't agree more, but it's not always easy to do. I have to say that the comments and emails do help me keep my spirits up. Thanks to everyone!
I have revisited today's post, so Rhonda, and maybe some others have already read it for today and will miss this extra part. I just noticed on my calendar that today was listed as a day to blog about Breast Cancer. I had seen some post about that a long time ago and put it on my calendar. I had already had my diagnosis at the time, but not anything else yet. At this point, I blog about breast cancer virtually every day, so it doesn't seem like it's much of an effort to add more to it.
Breast Cancer SUCKS!! That's what I have to say. I feel sorry for myself that I'm going through this, and I feel sorry for all the women out there, like my support friend Rhonda and others on the Cancer Care Support network, who have to go through this. They are a strong, strong group of ladies. I know that there are some women out there who can say that it has made them a better person. I am definitely NOT there yet. Maybe at the other end of this year long tunnel I can say that. Maybe when I'm standing up at my daughter's wedding next fall and feeling strong and healthy again, maybe then I can say it has made me a better person. Not now. Right now I feel like I was a happy person who had done some good things in life and was ready to move onto a new, exciting chapter in Florida as a happy retiree. Instead I am sick and living in my sister's house in Baltimore. My own, new, beautiful home sits unused and alone. I don't look like myself. I don't feel like myself. I don't act like myself. It's not fair. I know that life isn't fair. Oh my, I know I said that thousands of times to students over the years when they were whining about not wanting to do something. I even probably said it to my kids. I just don't think I ever said it to myself. I think I felt like I have had a pretty good life. All my dreams seemed to come true. Now I'm off the track. The dream is on hold. Not fair, just the facts. I can't change it. I have to do this. I have to trust the doctors to take care of me and offer me the best chance for a cure and years of healthy life with my family and friends. That's what all the breast cancer women out there do. They just do it the best way they possibly can. They are a very strong group of women. I am one of them now, and if I can be as strong as they are, then I am in good company.
Becky,
ReplyDeleteIt sure sounds to me like you are working hard to keep your attitude positive. I hope that you enjoy yourself today while out with your husband. I am thinking of you today.I hope that your weather there is as beautiful as our weather in Iowa was yesterday and is supposed to be today.
Hi Rhonda,
ReplyDeleteOur weather here is supposed to be fabulous, sunny and warm. I'm glad you are also having good weather. It's amazing how much a good weather day can boost one's spirits. Have a good one yourself! Thanks again for your comments. I love them. You are an inspiration to me.
Becky
ReplyDeleteAnybody who could write what you wrote in your blog today about the fairness of life is well on her way to becoming a better person. Of course, cancer sucks; it's what you do with it that counts.
Jonathan
Hi Becky,
ReplyDeleteI hope you will feel better and able to enjoy the balmy weather on Columbus Day. The Rabbi gave an interesting talk on Saturday about Columbus, the Inquisition, Conversos, History of Jews in Spain and the New World,etc. As usual at MT, there were many comments from the peanut gallery. I was handling Kiddush in the kitchen with Harise, but ladies kept drifting in to shmooze, help, and maybe sample the goodies.
I read your unflinchingly honest blog with admiration.
Love, Melanie
You have made us all better people by being so brutally honest with this struggle. As one who is known to whine, I am humbled byby your experience and candor.
ReplyDeleteBecky,
ReplyDeleteI think you are very strong. After seeing the pictures of your beautiful new home it must be very hard to not be there enjoying it. Your blog is a wonderful thing for me to read and I am sure that there are plenty of other people getting something out of reading it too. Keep up what you are doing. I am glad that I met you.
Take care!
Becky,
ReplyDeleteI'm here and enjoying your blog. You are every bit as strong as all the women you (we) have met. You will get through this and I will too. Your pictures of your first chemo were identical as to what mine would have been minus the lunch.
I'm one of the people who feel breast cancer is making me a better person because it is making me aware of what NOT to do should a friend of mine get this dreaded disease. I've lost friends since my journey started in June of this year. I will never become that, as I know the deep hurt that comes with pulling away. I had a friend tell me this morning that she has become closer to God because of my having breast cancer. That gave me pause. She told me how proud of me she is because of my strength. Well you know Becky, some days we just don't feel that strong do we, but apparantly somehing I've done gave her reason to think so. Always I remind myself there are people watching me go through this and it's maing me think all the more. I want my children to see me strong and brave, going forward slaying this disease with a good outlook. My down days I only share with you girls at Cancer Care and Breast Cancer .org.
Becky, your new home is beautiful and you will be there living that life you dreamed before you know it. Stay strong and know how much we all care about you.
Love, faith, hope,
Juanita