Snip Snip Snip

According to some of the cancer websites, women often mourn the loss of their hair during chemo more than the loss of their breast from mastectomy. I guess I didn't really lose the whole breast, so I have not mourned that loss. It's sort of misshapen and doesn't look like my breast anymore, but it's not entirely gone either. Today, however, most of my hair is definitely going. I'm wondering if I will mourn it's loss. I don't know. I hope not. I'm more worried about Mark.

I never had my hair cut at all in my life until the summer I turned 12 years old. I didn't want to go to junior high that fall with my hair waist length in pigtails. I felt more grown-up than that, so I begged for a hair cut and a new style. Until I graduated high school, I kept my hair a bit longer than shoulder length and put it in rollers almost every night. As soon as college started, I was too busy to fuss with rollers, so little by little the hair grew out. Four years later my hair was back down to my waist. I never cut it again until I was 40.

I met Mark when my hair was long, straight, waist-length. He loved it, so I kept it that way for him. For my 40th birthday, I had my little "mid-life crisis," so I decided to cut it and get a perm. It cut it to about two inches BELOW my shoulders. Ha Ha!! That was SHORT in my mind. Mark hated it, but I kept it that way about five years. Eventually it grew out again, but I "trimmed" it about once a year to keep it from reaching my waist.

The only other serious cut it ever got again was in the spring of 2005 before we headed to Israel. I had it shortened to shoulder length once again so it would be easier to take care of during the trip, but I let it grow right back out. Again, Mark hated it at that length.

Wow! A history of my hair length. That was probably pretty boring reading, but I couldn't help myself. Today the history of my hair is about to get a huge change.

After the echo cardiogram this morning at 9 a.m. at St. Agnes, I'm driving straight to the salon in Laurel where I know I can donate my long hair to Locks of Love. Then I'm going to ask for a very short, boyish cut, maybe about 2 inches in length over all. I have asked Mark to take pictures while this happens, which I will post tonight on another blog. Mark has said he will cry while he's doing this. He just loves my long hair. He likes to touch it, wash it for me occasionally, look at it, talk about it. It's one of the things that he liked best when we first met. He used to describe it as "12 feet long and the color of Golden-Skillet Fried Chicken." Ha Ha!! That was a local restaurant in Laurel back in the '70s that literally had a huge golden skillet sitting on top of the building. He used to say to me that my hair was that color.

Sigh. I'm sorry, Mark, but I have to do this. It feels empowering. I feel like it gives me some control over this disease when there is really so little control over it. I am sort of excited about being able to try something so out of character for my hair that I would just NEVER try it under normal circumstances.

In about two weeks, I plan to shave it all off anyway. I also ordered 4 scarves, 4 hats, and 2 sleep caps online last night from the American Cancer Society store. They should all arrive in about 2 weeks, just in time. Lois gave me two hat boxes full of hats yesterday at the Sisterhood luncheon in Greenbelt. Thanks, Lois! I haven't looked in the boxes yet, but I will later today. Two friends on Facebook have also offered to knit me caps.

Now here's the BEST news!! My brother Kip, whose dogs we were watching this past weekend, called me from Dallas yesterday afternoon. He was moved by what he read on my blog and offered to have a "shave your head party" at his house when I'm ready. He wants to shave his head along with me in solidarity and keep it shaved until my hair comes back. OH MY GOD!!! I could hardly stop grinning from ear to ear as I drove the car (and YES I was using my new hands-free device to talk on the phone to Kip!) back from the Sisterhood luncheon. KIP, You are AWESOME!! I am totally IN for this party. I cannot believe he wants to do this with me, but I thought it was such a loving gesture!! Also Denise, my sister-in-law, plans to knit me a hat. I love my family!! Trust me, there WILL be pictures of this party on this blog. It will be great!