Yesterday around 5 p.m. when our friends John and Bev were about to leave, we were all standing on the front porch. The weather was sunny and warm, and I was enjoying the sweet scent of the air. Just then a big Fed Ex truck pulled up in front of the house. The man jumped out carrying a small box and came up the walk. He said, "Becky Silverstein?" I said, "That's me." He handed me the box and took off.
It was a Grandma's Apple Coffee Cake from my good friend Ellen up in Buffalo, NY. Wow! Thanks, Ellen! It looks absolutely scrumptious, but unfortunately coffee no longer agrees with me. I'll be having my coffee cake later today with tea instead. I think that will still work! Around 2 p.m. my former music teacher co-workers, Chantel and Kim, are coming for a little visit. You can bet we'll be eating Grandma's Apple Coffee Cake courtesy of Ellen.
It's funny how my tastes are changing. I was warned that the taste buds can be affected by the chemo. So far I have lost the taste for coffee (so very sad), orange Popsicles (my favorite flavor), orange seltzer water, my sister's tap water, and anything too cold. Weird. Tomorrow I hope to be up for a little shopping trip to buy some bottled water. We bought a lot of tea bags because I mostly had herbal teas here, and they are now off limits. I have Earl Gray, which I still love. It's the only drink I can tolerate right now. I love it, but it's getting boring. I need to find some other drinks that I enjoy because I still need to get that 2 quarts of liquid in every day. I also have the teas that my friend Cathy from NC sent. They still taste good, especially the Ginger Pear decaf. Still, it's hard to get 2 quarts of liquid in with just hot tea. UGH. Any one have any suggestions?
Now I'm waffling on the head-shaving and the trip to Florida. I'm getting scared. I'm feeling wimpy.
We are planning to have a head-shaving party tomorrow. My brother Kip is all in for that. He and his wife Denise are planning to come over with razors, shavers, shave cream, towels, and cameras for the festivities at 5:30 tomorrow. It's what I said I wanted. Now that it's getting close, I'm getting scared.
We also planned to leave for Florida on the auto train the Saturday after my second chemo treatment. I'm rethinking that because I'm worried about my white cell counts, possible exposures to infections, nausea on the train, hair falling out or stubble itching or something else head-related! Is this crazy? Am I worrying too much? I don't know. I've never had to undergo anything like this.
So many women have young children to raise, jobs to go to, houses to clean, chores to do. How do they manage? I should not allow myself to get too self-absorbed and think too hard about every little feeling. Maybe it's better to plunge all in, shave my head and book those train tickets. Full speed ahead! On the other hand...
I'd love any opinions anyone cares to share.
Go for it! Change of scenery will be great even if you are a little sick. Go for the adventure. If you are well enough to go..do it. Plenty of time to stay home sick!!
ReplyDeleteOK Robin, I bet you are right. My only fear is the big crowd at the train platform. I guess I could take some masks if I really wanted to. My little walk around the block just now wore me out, too, but I can't help feel that a week in Florida would be fabulous. OK, so that's one vote for going to Florida.
ReplyDeleteI agree - if you can handle the flight - a change of scenery is not bad. As long as you have a doctor near by in case you feel bad. We are still having a party tonight - whether we shave heads or not is another story! ;-) Glad to see the tiles from China are being helpful...and are hopefully a colorful way to count your water!
ReplyDeleteLove - Denise
It would be a train ride of 19 hours, overnight in a roommette, very pricey on the auto train about 1200 bucks. Is it still worth it? Mark wants to have our other car down there because he needs to have work done on his car. We don't want to rely on that car until the work is done. If we do another trip, we can look at other ways to travel without this car from up here once the other car is spiffed up a bit. Can't wait to see you and Kip tomorrow night, shaving or not. It will be great to have you here.
ReplyDeleteOkay. I'm getting the feeling you want us to encourage you. But I'm not falling for that. I'm not going to discourage you either. You really have to start getting in tune with what your body is telling you. Yes, you can direct a lot of what you feel by what your brain wants (mind over matter) but there are going to be times that your body is going to scream at you and you will have to listen. So even though I said I wouldn't vote one way or the other, this is what I believe. You should make plans to go. You should help ease your mind by thinking of all the contingencies for if you feel sick, what you can do. But give yourself the ability to say no at the last minute (without beating yourself up) if you don't feel up for the 19 hour trip. Being in Florida would be a tonic for you--but not if you're feeling yucky. Think I gave you more than 2 cents worth.
ReplyDeleteOh I forgot to write about the head shaving. Think you're waffling because you've gotten used to the new look and don't want to give it up so fast. Why not let nature take its course. Enjoy the hair while you have it. Because you know I have to say it--hair today, gone tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteArlene you are right. I'm not ready to give up my new short hair. I've barely bonded with it yet, so it's not time to shave. I have cancelled the shaving party for tomorrow. Still trying to decide about the train trip. I didn't think I could stand being in the car for an hour to come to shul today. Maybe next Saturday.
ReplyDeleteGlad you listened to your body. We'll be there again next week. Same time, same shul! Take your time on the train decision. Is it something that has to be decided right away? If not, wait until you have all the information you need to make a good decision for you. I'm confident that you'll know. Don't sell yourself short.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you decided to wait on the head shaving until it feels right for you. I can't remember but I am assuming that you have something ready to wear when you shave your head--that will be helpful if you don't. The first time I shaved my head 8 1/2 years ago I thought it was hard. I didn't look at my bald head for about a week afterward. As long as I didn't look at it I was fine. When I finally got used to it it had started growing back in and wasn't so bad. The second time I shaved my head this last March it wasn't nearly as hard for me. I think you are brave for wanting pictures of shaving your head taken. If that feels ok to you, that is so great though.
ReplyDeleteAbout your drinks do you mean that only hot tea tastes good to you right now? If not one thing that I like alot is low calorie Gatorade. If only tea tastes good to you then I am not much help for drinks because I don't like tea.
I definitely don't think that you are too self-absorbed or worrying about things too much. You have a very delightful and engaging way of expressing yourself. I am glad that you are getting some advice from friends as you decide how best to move on with your life.
It sounds like you are doing well even though you are not completely sure of how to handle everything. You will get better at figuring things out with time. By the end of your chemo you will be an expert at handling all of this. Keep up the good work on getting through with all of this cancer treatment. Have a good weekend.
I think that some of your friends gave you some excellent advice about whether or not to go to Florida--make plans for it if it sounds good to you but leave yourself a way out if you are not feeling up to it.