I thought this was the second time she kicked my ass, but she correctly informed me it is the THIRD time. Clearly I didn't listen the first two times. Maybe the third time will be the charm.
Here is her ASS-KICKING email to me about Wednesday's blog. I read it at the Beach Club resort Wednesday night and got permission to post it here. I agree with everything she says, and it makes me happy that she loves me enough to tell me the truth.
Your blog is depressing to read lately because all you do is write about how much weight you gained and how it makes you sad. Reading the same thing day after day, week after week, with no actual effort toward change just comes across as whiney. If I had sat and whined about getting Cs in high school day after day after day and you knew I was being lazy with my homework how would you have reacted? Probably not with any sort of pity or a "there there, it will get better". No, you would have said do your damn homework and you'll get better grades.
I pulled this sentence from the last line of your post from January 31, 2010: "PS. I weighed 209 walking out onto the stage. One pound under my revised goal of 210. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself."
3
years ago you weighed 209. And you looked amazing. What the hell
happened? Cancer, obviously, but that's not your current excuse. On some
level I think your priorities are in the wrong places. You seem to
value overindulging and eating fun food more than you do your own
health. Unfortunately if you don't take care of your body and your
health, meaning your weight, then you're just not going to live long
enough or have a functioning body with which to have fun or eat any food
at all. I'm not sure why the thought of constant joint pain,
immobility, heart disease, popping the mesh out of your abdomen, or
straight up living a shorter life than you could have are not enough to
motivate you. You've done it before so you can do it. You're just not
doing it.
Having
said that, I understand the addictive nature you have with food. In a
post from January 2010 you mentioned Overeaters Anonymous. You wrote, "Overeaters
Anonymous is one organization that is set up to help people with this.
They follow the same sort of 12 step program that Alcoholics Anonymous
does. I looked at their website today also. I probably should join, but
since I will be on vacation and in the process of moving, it doesn't
seem like a good time to join. I think I will seriously consider it when
we get settled in Florida. Fighting a food addiction one day at a time
is the same as fighting any other addiction and the more support
systems a person has in place, the higher his chance of success
becomes."
Okay
so... you're settled in Florida. You've beaten your cancer diagnosis.
What's your excuse now? Having too much fun not addressing your
addiction? That sounds healthy. Why don't you look into that group
again? I would also seriously consider meeting with a cognitive
behavioral therapist and/or a nutritionist who will help you address the
psychology of your problem while giving you tasks and activities that
help positively change your behavior. It isn't just the food either,
it's including better quality exercise that burns calories and doing it
consistently.
What
you're doing currently obviously isn't working. Try to find something
new to help you. Your blog, which was once meant to help you with
accountability, tracking, and motivation, has turned into a place where
you simply lament your lack of those things while telling everyone about
your daily life. We all just want you to be healthy. I truly believe in
a "healthy at any size" mentality, but you know that you're not as
healthy as you could be. At 209 I think you would have been fine. Even
if your body prefers to hover at 220. But where you are now and where
you're going is not okay. If it makes you happy, though, and you're cool
with your lifestyle then that's fine. If not, then either make positive
changes or stop complaining about the consequences.
I
really think you're going to need professional help or at least a
tangible physical support group at this point. Doing it alone makes it
too easy to justify things or make exceptions. And it's hard on your
emotions and psyche. Please consider all your options.
Love you,
Evey
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