Everyone is doing errands.

I woke up to an inch or so of icy slush, but I still got to my 10:40 a.m. nail salon appointment. I also wrote my checks for the month, mailed five bills, and went to three banks. I just got home, and I'm glad to settle down for the day and go nowhere else. Everyone is out there doing errands, it seems, especially sitting in drive-in lines for the banks. Note to self: don't go to any banks on December 31 ever again! Happy New Year to everyone. Have a safe time if you go out. Personally, I'm staying in, watching TV, drinking some champagne, and going to bed at 12:01.

Great shopping!

Today I will be taking my daughter to the train station so she can go to NJ and spend New Year's Eve at her boyfriend's house. They've never spent a New Year's eve together, so it will be lots of fun for them. Mark and I will spend a quiet one at home, as usual. I also plan to go to Kohl's and buy some new pants and tops with the gift card that I got from my step-mother, plus I have $20 in Kohl's Cash that will expire on Saturday. Evey and I are going to shop together. It will be fun. No straying from my diet planned for today!

Just got back from Kohl's. I got three pairs of pants and three cute tops. I'm very excited because I can go to a regular store and find things! Two of the pants have buttons and zippers! I haven't done that in decades. All were in size 22, but two of them were 22 petite. I was very excited by the shopping trip. Hm... the clerk did ask if I wanted the senior discount. I didn't know they had that, so I asked how old you had to be. She said 60, so I honestly told her I wouldn't be 60 until the summer, but she said, "Oh, I'll give it to you anyway." Hey, I may look old to her, but I was happy to knock another 15% off the price!

Then Evey and I went to Bob Evan's for brunch. It's so cold out, and she had eaten no breakfast, so even though it was only 11:10 a.m. we felt like eating some hot food. I had a plain grilled salmon with a dry baked potato and some broccoli plus a salad with no cheese or dressing. I think it was a great lunch. I did sneak a forkful of Evey's cinnamon pancakes. It was like dessert.

After we drop Evey off at the train station, Mark and I will walk the mall for 40 minutes or so and then see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. It's a going to be a busy but great day.

Elevator Weight

It's Tuesday. That means weigh-in day. Today I was 213.6, which is exactly what I was two weeks ago. Last week I was up five; this week I'm down the same five, like an elevator. I won't complain! After what I did the last few days, things could have been much, much worse. I looked at my calories for the week, and it appears that I averaged about 1750. I did some walking, not a lot, but some. I guess that means that what I suspected last week was true; there was a lot of water retention, and I lost it this week. Anyway, I should be able to have a good week this time. I'm going to finish last night's Chinese dinner for dinner tonight, and I will play Mah Jongg on Thursday with luncheon at a friend's house. That's it. The rest of the time there will be no excuses for not sticking to the plan. My week's goal is to lose 3.6 so that I can hit an even 210 by next Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

What a weekend!!

I got back from a family weekend away to visit my sister, her family, and her new house. My husband, son, daughter and I took off Saturday morning. I had posted before that about how much eating I might do, and I DID! So this post will be quite a long litany of my overindulgences. Unless you like reading about other people's food, this isn't going to be a lot of fun for you to read, but I feel like writing it all down. So here goes.

Saturday morning started off with my usual breakfast (240 calories) and lunch was my usual Subway salad (190 calories). Dinner at my sister's house actually wasn't too far off the mark: turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing (not cooked in the bird so it wasn't too full of turkey grease), pickles, green beans, and rolls. That wasn't too bad. I indulged in two homemade cookies that my other sister brought even though my daughter, whom we named the "food police" this weekend, told me not to eat. After dinner, I had a half-inch slice of homemade pound cake, one bite of homemade carrot cake, and one sixteenth of a pumpkin pie. The "food police" said I should not have had the pound cake, but I did it anyway. It's so hard to calculate calories when you don't have recipes or ingredients, but I bet I had about 2000-2200 on Saturday, so I felt ok about that. We stayed overnight in a suite at the Farmville Hampton Inn, which was a beautiful room and only about 20 minutes from my sister's house.

Sunday, ah, what can I say about Sunday's eating except that I bet I had 3000-3500 truly DELICIOUS calories!! Ha Ha!!

It started off with a breakfast provided by the Hampton Inn. My sister and step-mother also stayed there, so we had a leisurely breakfast with lots of great conversation in the breakfast room, lingering for nearly ninety minutes with coffee. I ate some scrambled eggs, a low-fat sugar free yogurt, and a banana. That was all reasonable, but lunch more than made up for it!

My son Lowell had told us about "the best burger place in the world." It is in Charlottesville, VA, right in the heart of the UVA campus. Boylan Heights is the name of the place, and it truly was unique. They give you a scan-tron type of thing where you can color in the dots on all the things you want on your burger plus the side dishes. I had a vegetarian burger on a multi-grain bun. Mark had his veggie burger "in a bowl," which meant no bun, so I should have done that, but...I didn't. Anyway, on the burger I had pepper jack cheese, black bean and corn salsa, lettuce, tomatoes, pickle chips, and grilled vidalia onions. It was amazing. Each of us had a great time building our personal burgers. The side dishes were also truly unique. I chose sweet potato fries, which I've never had and truly enjoyed. Evey had traditional fries, but Mark and Lowell picked the most unique thing, fried potato salad! It was a large scoop, somehow breaded and deep fried, with a horseradish style sauce drizzled over it, served in a separate bowl. It looked and tasted amazing. I sliced off the edge, maybe three bites, from Mark's just to try it. I loved it, but I'm not a fan of horseradish sauce, so if I ever ordered it (which we all know I NEVER should), I'd ask for the sauce to be left off.

The fun and calories didn't stop there! Oh, no! There were tempura battered and fried dill pickle chips for an appetizer. None of us ever had that before, so we just had to try it. I ate one; it's not going to be my favorite. Evey hated it. Mark and Lowell each ate four or five to finish the big platter. They really liked them. If you like pickle chips and fried food, then this is the dish for you!!

I'm not done YET!! Dessert!! Well, when you go to such a cool restaurant and there are unique appetizers and entrees, you just KNOW there is going to be a very special and wonderful dessert menu. Evey and I decided to share the S'mores option because in addition to the traditional s'mores ingredients of graham crackers, marshmallows, and melted chocolate, this one included banana slices and peanut butter. There were three separate "sandwiches" on the plate: one for me, one for Evey, one for Lowell. The melted chocolate just made it the messiest thing any of us had ever eaten. Evey went through about two dozen napkins and got some on the side of her new jeans, but we all were smacking our lips with delight. Lowell ordered something with a clever name that I've forgotten. but it had a huge Ghiradelli brownie topped with ice cream, chocolate sauce, many, many pieces of Hershey bars, and whipped cream. Fortunately it came with four spoons, so we all had some of that, too.

Wow! The only thing I did right was insist that we walk around the UVA campus a little bit before getting in the car to start the drive home. We took about a 20 minute walk. Later that night we went to Denny's where I ate my usual 750 calorie tilapia dinner. What a wonderful day of food. I bet tomorrow will not look pretty on the scale. Sigh.

Today I can easily control my breakfast and lunch, but tonight I'm bringing Chinese food to Lowell's apartment so we can play the Beatles Rock Band game. I always eat Hunan Chicken, which is not the worst thing to get at a Chinese take-out place, but the sodium content is so high that the water weight clings to me for at least 24 hours. Tomorrow is the day of reckoning on the scale, and I do not think I will like the number. Sadly, I did not like last week's number either. UGH.

All I can say is that today is the last time that there is any reason to overindulge. I'm trying to take the attitude that it's okay to overdo it for special occasions as long as I'm able to get back on track and back to my better habits when the occasion is over. I hope that this is the way the maintenance phase of my life will go. When the new year starts, I have two more months to lose weight before the six week trip. Last year I managed to lose 15 pounds on our five week vacation. Maybe I can do the same this time.

Plenty of eating to do today and tomorrow!

Today I am traveling four hours down to Virginia to see my sister's new house and to exchange presents. It should be a fun day but full of food, but I have decided not to worry about it. I am taking the advice of the Health Tip that came up on this blog about not getting crazy over indulging a little on the holidays. So I'm just going to enjoy myself for the weekend and get back on track on Monday. That's the plan. I'm also not taking the computer, so there will be no more posts today or tomorrow. See you Monday!
PS How do you like the new slideshow? At least one loyal reader said she liked them. A big thank you goes out to my daughter for helping me get that set up! Thanks, Evey! I love you.

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas today is having a joyous day filled with friends, family, presents, and good food. Personally, I'm not having any special food today! Ha Ha! I am spending the day with my husband and daughter, watching the parade on TV, and wrapping Christmas presents for my family members whom I will see tomorrow. Enjoy the day!!

Urge Surfing

I first heard this term, "urge surfing," the first weekend in December when we were at the resort in West Virginia. There was a lady using a patch to quit smoking. She was on her fifth day and feeling good about it. She was also in a behavioral therapy type program to learn how to substitute healthier behaviors for the smoking. For instance, she had to learn a new behavior to replace smoking when she first got up in the morning. She said that the therapy talked about the concept of urge surfing. This is acknowledging the urge to have a cigarette and then moving on to something else. The ability to say, "Wow, I'd really like a cigarette right now, but I won't have one," and move on to something else is a good skill. After five days on the patch and in the therapy, she was just starting to be able to do that.

This resonated with me completely because I think the idea totally applies to weight loss. I often want some food; today it was M and M's. With food it's referred to as a craving, and people are often told it's ok to indulge the craving a little bit to satisfy it and make it go away. I'm not sure that works for me, or anyone who is truly food-addicted. Satisfying the craving just makes me eat more. I'm never satisfied with a little bit; it would just trigger eating greater and greater amounts of something, either the originally craved food or whatever was at hand. A binge-eating episode would ensue, for sure! However, urge surfing might work. I can acknowledge the desire, the craving, the urge for a specific food, and then move on without having it.

I did it today at the gas station. Before I left to go pump gas, I was craving chocolate, specifically M and M's. My daughter also said how much she would like to have some. When I was at the gas station, I thought about M and M's the entire time I pumped the gas. I wanted them; I planned to go in and buy them for me and my daughter as soon as the gas was pumped. I held my wallet in my hand just waiting to go in and get them. I was only going to buy two small bags, one for each of us, to satisfy this urge, but I didn't do it. Instead when the gas pump clicked off, I acknowledged the urge and moved on. I told myself that I did not need them. I got back in the car and drove home. Was it satisfying? Not really! I still want them. I made a cup of hot choclate, 60 calories, as soon as I got home and tried to savor that chocolately goodness. It wasn't the same, but it was a better idea. It's a start. I'm proud of myself for surfing that urge!

Busy day.

My county went back to school today on a two hour delay. Most people thought this was crazy, including the people in my house. I opted for a day of "illness in the family" so I could drive Evey to her doctor's appointment. She was afraid to drive there because she didn't really remember where it was and was afraid of driving in the icy conditions. I was happy to be the good mama and escort her to the doctor's appointment. After we went to the doctor, we walked quickly two times around the mall in thirty minutes. That may have been a record for me. We had a healthy Subway lunch, and then we walked a third time around the mall, doing a little shopping. We left the mall around 2:30 p.m. and headed over to Target and the grocery store, where we finally finished the last of all the holiday shopping for the relatives. I have eaten well today, 1140 calories, and I have exercised. This was a busy, fun, healthy day.

The damage is done; the verdict is in.

The damage is that I ate like crazy for several days. The verdict is that I gained exactly five pounds for the week. I guess that's better than the eight that I estimated yesterday. I actually did have a slightly better day yesterday, only 2045 calories, but that's just a best guess because the calories for menu items at DuClaw's do not seem to be available on the web.

It's just so depressing that one month of hard work, low-calorie eating, and walking can take five pounds off, but three days of eating 3 to 4 thousand calories each day can put it right back on. I just think that feels unfair!

All I can say is that I will commit to a better week this week. Mark and Evey are home. That's exciting, and it also keeps me focused and on track. I'll try to get to the mall to walk. Also, Mark gave me the Biggest Loser exercise program for our new Wii as an anniversary gift last night. Once the Wii system is up and running, I should be able to do other exercise besides walking. With the cold weather and snowy/icy conditions, driving to the mall to walk is getting difficult.

So that's it. The verdict is that if you do the crime (overeat), you will do the time (work another month to take off the same weight again). It's as simple as that.

Come on, admit it, I'm not the only one, am I?

Blizzard conditions, snowed in, home alone, overeating. It all goes together doesn't it, and I'm not the only one. I know for sure one of my former colleagues was doing it, too. Yikes. I have overeaten to an extreme degree for two straight days. 3500 calories on Saturday while I watched the snow fall; 4500 calories yesterday in the bright sun for no reason except lack of control. Today I am up about EIGHT pounds, on the bunny scale, not my regular one. Mark put the regular one away, as he should, Tuesday night, but the bunny scale is in the bunny room all the time and accessible. It never shows the same numbers as the "official" scale, but it can show a GAIN OF EIGHT F*&%^%ING POUNDS in just three days. Unbelievable. WHY do I do this? I don't know. It's a disease. I also have a pounding headache today. Probably related to the overeating. Of course there wasn't even anything really yummy here to eat. I ate nearly 2,000 calories just in a box of matzoh and margarine. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID. Today I've had nothing except black coffee in four different flavors; yay, for the Keurig coffee-maker. I'm not even hungry yet, even though it's nearly 1 p.m. Geez, all that matzo sticks to your innards pretty good. BTW, beating yourself up over out-of-control eating is so typical of Binge-Eating Disorder. I'm a textbook case, although that doesn't make it any better. Today is also my 34th wedding anniversary, and we are all going out to DuClaw's for dinner tonight. I had hoped to have a little splurge there tonight, but hey, I've been splurging for three straight days. I guess I'd better try to control it tonight instead.

Good neighbors

I saw my neighbors, with their three children, out shoveling their driveway and talking to some other neighbors from across the street. I went out on the stoop, explained my situation, and offered to pay their oldest son to do my sidewalk. The dad said he and his son would totally be happy to clear my sidewalk and would not accept any money for it. Wow, there are truly nice people in this world, and I feel blessed to have such nice neighbors! Here's the day with his snow blower in the background, the mom up at the front of my car, and the son barely visible over the opposite side of my car. I did end up giving their son $20 and the parents a $25 gift card to Applebee's in a Christmas card for their efforts.

"Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!"

I'm officially in the blizzard zone! It's snowing like crazy, but I'm all snug and warm, wearing multiple layers of clothing and drinking lots of hot drinks made on my new Keurig coffee-maker. It's a good thing I stocked up on four different flavors!

I won't be doing any shoveling because I'm not supposed to lift anything heavy or twist my body until mid-January. Oh, that's just too bad! So the 26+ inches that are expected to be on my lawn, driveway, and sidewalks will just have to sit there until Mark gets home Monday! Sorry, Mark.

More problematic is the lack of exercise and the abundance of food and the natural tendency to want to eat a lot on cold, snowy days. There's no one in the house to prevent me from doing this, so I have to rely on my own will-power. YIKES. That's a scarier thought than the possibility of 26+ inches of snow showing up and no way to shovel it. Last night I ate a "comfort food" TV dinner: vegetarian meat loaf, mashed potatoes, and mixed vegetables. It was AWESOME and only 290 calories. Thanks, Amy brand! I added a large quantity of steamed broccoli and a big salad with some parmesan cheese. Not too bad. It probably wasn't more calories than I would have had if I had gone to my friend's house for dinner as planned. I cancelled that trip because the snow was supposed to start falling by 9. It actually started at 9:30 and came pretty fast, so I'm glad I stayed home. I also had a half cup of grape juice for kiddush and an entire, but small, challah roll. I lit the eighth night of Hanukkah candles, lit up the electric menorah in the front window, and lit the Shabbat candles. It was a quiet, peaceful evening.

I also totally amazed myself by learning to use my iPod and Kindle. I downloaded three songs to the iPod and one book to the Kindle. I'm really in LOVE with both objects! Thank you Evey, Lowell, and Mark for these wonderful Hanukkah presents. I am really glad I have these toys to amuse me today. I'm going to spend a large part of the afternoon reading my new novel on the Kindle while I sit with the bunny rabbit to keep her company. I doubt if she'll care that I'm sitting in there with her, but hey, company is company when you have no one else!

Isn't that the point?

I did not write a blog entry last night, as I usually do, for two main reasons. First, yesterday evening was just extremely busy, so I almost didn't have time. I say "almost" because, of course, I could have made or could have found the time except that I didn't want to write the truth. But isn't that the point? To write the truth? Now it's the light of day, well, almost, it's actually cold and dark out and 6:30 a.m.! I had a terrible night, so I feel I need to come clean.

Mark is in Florida, and I was alone in the house. (Not really for that long because I was so busy, but that's another story.) The rest of the Egg Nog Light ice cream was calling me. I swear! I heard it. For two hours, I told it to go away. Finally, at 10:00 p.m., when the chores were over, and I was happily watching Tosca from the MET on TV, it caught me unawares. Yes, the Egg Nog ice cream container just flew out of the freezer and into my lap. I told it that I would only flirt with it a little bit and not really get into it, but it was so seductive and so evil. Soon, I was all over it. Soon, the little bitch was GONE. Yes, I ate a quart or more of Edy's Slow-Churned Egg Nog Ice Cream. 110 calories per half cup, and I estimated that the bitch forced me to eat at least seven half-cup servings, maybe eight.

So to make up a few of the calories, I didn't eat the banana. Or the sugar-free Popsicles. Like any of that would matter now.

And I paid for it! I have not had bad leg cramps in over a year, since I have been exercising, eating better, and eating a banana every night at bedtime for the potassium. YIKES. My whole left leg went into a painful spasm at 5:15 a.m., including the truly painful large muscle in the inside of the thigh. I worked at it for half an hour to make it go away, sitting on the side of the bed massaging it and finally, painfully hobbling to the kitchen to eat the banana, belatedly!

I guess the good news was that sitting up looking at the clock made me remember that I had not set the time right, so my alarm would not have gone off at 5:45. Now it didn't matter because I was already up.

So, I ate the ice cream. I paid for it in leg cramps and lack of sleep. Another lesson learned, but isn't that also the point?

Walking it off.

I walked today. Yay for me. I went two times around the mall in about 35 minutes then had a black coffee. Also I checked the scale this morning (sshh, don't tell Mark) and it was, for once, good news. I am down another 1.4, so I guess this week's weight just took an extra day to fall away. The extra good news is that it makes an even 110 pounds LOST, hopefully forever. I'm excited.

Also my first pair of high heels came in the mail today. I haven't worn any heels in decades because you really can't stand on your tippy-toes for long when you have bad knees and weigh over 300 pounds. I want to wear heels for my show at the end of January, so I found some online that are two inches and supposed to feel like one inch. They do feel pretty good, and I'm impressed that I can wear them at all. I still think too big, though, because they are a half size too large. I might keep them anyway and try to deal with it. I'm almost afraid to send them back in case the next half size down is too tight. Oh, this is getting just so hard.

Tonight I'm going to my accompanist's house for a big rehearsal. The show is getting closer and closer!! Very exciting.

An unknown commenter!

Thank you, "Old Geezer." I don't know who you are, and I don't know how you found my blog, but it's kind of cool to get a positive comment from someone I don't know. As far as I knew, the only people reading this blog were those I personally told about it among my family, friends, and co-workers. I was quite taken aback tonight, in a positive way, when I saw a comment from a stranger. Thanks for finding me and taking the time to comment.

Today is Tuesday, which is weigh-in day. I weighed 213.6 this morning, down just .8 for the week. That was mildly disappointing because my average daily calorie count for the week was 1130, but I think it's because there were only a few days of walking. I seem to have hit the plateau that is all so common. I can't drop the calories any lower and keep the nutritional content reasonable, so the only alternative is to step up the exercise component. Well, I didn't do any today. UGH. I had to mail Christmas presents and make multiple copies of music, which took FOREVER at Office Depot. It wasn't Office Depot's fault; it was just a lot of music and a lot of copies to make. Still, it prevented me from walking. I did take the stairs at work several times today, and I sang through the second half of my show when I got home. I guess that will have to count as the exercise component today. LOL

It's still Hanukkah, but I did not eat a latke tonight. Instead, later on, I'm going to have one jelly munchkin donut from Dunkin' Donut. I bet you didn't know you could buy just ONE munchkin for a QUARTER. That's pretty cool. There are 50 calories in that, so my calories today will be 1230. I'll have my little munchkin with a nice cup of decaf coffee made on my new machine. Ooo, I love that new machine! I wonder how long I can make one munchkin last?

Finally, our best friends became first-time grandparents last night when a baby boy was born to their oldest daughter at about 9 p.m. Congratulations to the new parents and grandparents. Love to all of you and Happy Hanukkah. What a great Hanukkah present!

Just Gorgeous

Last night's Hanukkah party was fabulous. Texas Hold-Em Dreidle is awesome, and Mark was the big winner. I ate only what I was supposed to, and everyone enjoyed the food. It was just a warm, fuzzy, family evening.

After school I visited Aunt Elsie again. She has no idea what's up, but I spent about 20 minutes with her. I sang her two Christmas carols which she seemed to enjoy. Then I walked once around the mall and did a little more shopping. I'm starting to wonder if I'm substituting shopping for eating!

Tonight Mark is grilling salmon for dinner. I'm excited because that's one of my favorite things to eat, and we haven't had it for a long while. Also in the mail today are the outfits I ordered for my upcoming show in January. I didn't know what size to order so I figured I'd get an assortment and then do some exchanges as needed. I got some in 1X, some in size 20, and some in size 22. Everything fit very well!! One of the tops, a 1X, is actually too big! I think I might replace that one, but everything else is fine. I think that even if I lose another 10 or 12 pounds by the end of January, they should still be ok. I'm very excited because these outfits are just so GORGEOUS! I can't wait to wear them.

I hope lots of people come to the show on January 30. Mark and I are both working really hard on everything, and I think it's going to be pretty good. Plus did I mention that my outfits are GORGEOUS!!??

Hanukkah dinner party and Mah Jongg

Today is another fun-filled day full of food. I skipped breakfast because I went to play Mah Jongg for brunch. I didn't know what kind of food I would find. I found bagels, home-made nut/raisin cream cheese, whipped cream cheese, white fish salad, vegetable salad in vinegar, fresh cut-up fruit, fresh baby carrots, and onions/tomatoes for the bagels. At first, I thought, "There is nothing here I can eat." I knew the white fish salad and bagels with cream cheese would far exceed the 450 calories I had set for myself as a limit. And to make matters worse, it was also a birthday party so there was a homemake chocolate cake and homemade dreidle shaped cookies for dessert. OY!

The hostess knows that I am on a diet, so she showed me a "roll" that was multi-grain, very flat, and only 100 calories for the whole thing. So I used one of those instead of a big, bakery-style bagel. I put less than 2T of whipped cream cheese on it (60 calories) plus a few slices of tomato and red onion (20 calories). On the side I added 35 calories of baby carrots and about 100 calories of fresh fruits: grapes, blueberries, strawberries, and cantalope. When dessert came out, I stuck to a very small piece of chocolate cake which literally took only three small bites to eat. I estimated another 80 calories for the cake. When I left, I felt triumphant that I had consumed only about 400 calories! I also won one game of Mahj, so the day was perfect.

Tonight my sister Cindy and my son Lowell are coming to join us for a special Hanukkah dinner. It's the third night. We will light candles, share presents, eat dinner, and then a very special activity, Texas Hold-em Dreidle!! Who knew!? Mark heard about it on TV yesterday and carefully wrote down the rules. I have the table all set up for it, and I can't wait to see their faces when I tell them what we're going to do.

Meanwhile dinner and dessert will have a lot of calories, but since I only had 400 today so far, I know that I'm going to close to 800 for this special occasion. The Hungry Girl Cheesy Bean Enchillada is 190. That will come with salad (100: 40 in veggies, 60 in cheese), one lo-carb, lo-fat latke (100), and green beans (35). Before dinner Mark is serving a special Hungry Girl Egg Nog with rum, 160 calories. Dessert is going to be very special since today is National Ice Cream and Violins day (don't ask, we can't find out why this particular pairing on this particular day), but we're going to serve everyone half a cup of Edy's light Egg Nog ice cream (110) plus one sugar-free wafer cookie (35), one sugar-free dark chocolate (30), and two tangelo segments (20). It will look gorgeous and be only a total of 185 calories. This fabulous dessert will be served with coffee while we play the Texas Hold-Em Dreidle and listen to violin music. Can't wait!!

First 5K since surgery

I have had an interesting day so far. I went up to a flu clinic for my H1N1 vaccination. It is finally open to everyone, not just the priority groups. I expected a long line and a cold wait outside in the 30 degree weather, so I wore two pairs of socks, two pairs of pants, and two pairs of gloves along with a scarf and a big coat with a hood. I also took a book to read. Well, I was completely wrong. The clinic opened at 10 a.m.; I arrived at 10:05 a.m.; I left at 10:20 a.m. Unbelievable. It was handled so very smoothly by the county health department. There were lots of people keeping us moving around and plenty of stations to get the shots. I was pretty impressed with the organization and efficiency. I also feel very happy that I have my shot now.

After the shot, I drove to the mall. Since I was wearing double socks, pants, and gloves, I really didn't feel like walking inside the mall. So I drove around the mall and figured out a parking spot that would make the walk a mile and a half. I parked, walked that route twice, and then into the mall to the Starbucks. Voila! A 5K walk followed by a tall, black, coffee compliments of Mark via my new Starbucks card. Happy Hanukkah to me!

Happy Hanukkah to All

Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah, everyone! Mark decorated the house while I was at work. When I got home, it looked quite festive with the banners hung on the wall, the menorahs on the mantle, and wrapped presents piled up on the table. Tonight Mark and I lit our menorahs, sang the three blessings for the first night, lit up the electric menorah in the front window, and lit the Shabbat candles. It was lovely, but a little empty without the kids here with us. Then we exchanged our first presents. Our big present tonight is the Wii game system. It is sitting on the table with a big blue bow on it! I don't think we'll set it up tonight, but once it's up and running (and I figure out how to use it), I hope to get some exercise with it. I might buy the Biggest Loser exercise game to play on it, but if not, I'll just do some bowling and tennis or whatever else is already in there. Mark plans to get the new Epic Mickey game for it next September. I also gave Mark a Roy Rogers/Dale Evans DVD, and he gave me a $25 gift card to Starbucks, which will not take long to use up after my walks in the mall!!

Hanukkah, like all Jewish holidays, is all about the food! LOL Usually tonight we would have delicious latkes and jelly donuts from Dunkin' Donuts. Not this year. I looked up the calories for the Dunkin' Donuts; that was pretty scary. I could maybe eat one jelly munchkin for 50 calories, and I think on Sunday night we will get them. Mark found some frozen broccoli latkes from the Dr. Praeger line. They have 80 calories each, so he is making me one latke. Along with that we are having the Hungry Girl Baja Taco Blitz with salad, as well as challah and wine since it's Friday night. I will only eat one bite of challah and about one ounce of wine, so that's a mere 50 calories. The salad will have about 100 calories tonight since I put only 1/8 of a cup, 60 calories, of grated parmesan cheese on top of the large plate of salad veggies. The Taco Blitz is 280 calories, so my total caloric intake today will be 1180. Wow, I'm sure that on past nights of Hanukkah that also coincided with Shabbat my calories may have far exceeded 4000 for the day, especially if four or five latkes with applesauce and one or two jelly-filled donuts were involved! I guess it is possible to celebrate the holiday and keep the calories low. This is something that I am learning.

Size does matter!

I did three laps around the mall in 57 minutes in my new black Nikes. Yay for me! Then I had my Starbucks and remembered that I had to buy a birthday present for someone since I'll be playing Mah Jongg on Sunday with her. So...that brought me to a store near the Starbucks. I found a lovely winter white scarf and matching gloves for her present. I also decided to buy two tops for myself because they were half-price, which meant about $10 each. What size? I don't really know my size. I already talked about not being able to find any pants last week that fit. I held up several tops and decided that the 18/20 looked about right, and if it was too tight now, then it would probably be ok in a month. When I got home, I literally squealed with delight because they both fit perfectly, right now. In fact, I'm going to wear one tomorrow to school. It is just amazing to me that I can fit into a size 18/20 top! (Not pants at that size, sadly, but maybe someday.) A year ago I wore size 32!! Amazing.

Shopping

First of all, my scale was still in the bathroom this morning, so of course I got on it, and of course I'm up TWO pounds eating only 1100 calories yesterday. AGH!! Mark had not shopped yesterday, so it was slim pickings in the pantry this morning to make lunch. I found an old Manischewitz Matzo Ball soup container that has only 50 calories. Unfortunately when I looked at it more carefully at lunch today, I discovered it had a date on it of 1987!! I guess we don't clean out the pantry that often. It didn't smell too good when I made it, so after a few bites, I threw it out. I was also out of yogurt for the mid-morning snack. Instead I took sugar-free mousse. It was delicious and only 60 calories instead of the 90 in the yogurt, but it has almost no nutritional value to it. So my breakfast was only 180 calories instead of the usual 210, and lunch contained only 110 calories instead of the usual 240. I ate an orange after school as always, and then I really enjoyed my Grande Skinny Caramel Latte at Starbucks, 110 calories!

I went to the mall after school to buy new walking shoes. It's such a chore. I have HUGE orthotics that have to fit into the shoes. I wanted to buy Nike shoes, so I went to the Nike Store at the mall. I tried on five or six pairs. It's hard to find a walking shoe that will hold these monster orthotics. I bought two pairs of shoes. One is a walking shoe and the orthotics went in fairly well. They are white with a gray strip and pretty cool looking. I hope they work out. They were also on sale for only $40. Not bad. I should have stopped there, but I really liked the black pair that didn't hold the orthotics! They felt really good without the orthotics, and I think it will be good to have a black pair just to wear to school. They cost $80. Hm...I didn't really need them, so that was a bit of a splurge.

I slowly walked all the way around the mall once, window shopping, and actually shopping. I got a few things here and there, finishing up at Starbucks. Now I'm home waiting for Mark to make my Miracle Noodle spaghetti dinner, our usual Wednesday night fare. It's yummy!

Weigh-in Day

This morning I weighed 214.4 which now makes a total loss of 107.6 pounds. That is marking from my highest of 322, which I sadly hit twice. The first time was January 1, 2007, and I immediately set to work to lose some. I lost a bit and then put it back, so that I hit 322 again on April 15, 2007. Thankfully, I never got all the way back up to that. This particular weight loss journey began on January 20, 2009 at 316.8 pounds. So for this trip, I have lost 102.4. Still pretty darn good!

Dinner at Denny's after a tough day.

This morning I headed out for work, got on the Parkway, and it was a parking lot. UGH. I had to get right back off and go the long way to work. I had left early, so I still made it to work on time. Work went well, and then I went to my cousin's house so we could go visit my elderly aunt. I had two lap blankets to bring her because she had complained of being cold last time. I think she liked them. It's hard to tell. Then when we got back to my cousin's house...BOOM...my car wouldn't start. Fortunately, the car was in front of my cousin's house! Her son Chuck came out and gave me a jump start to send me on my way. I met Mark at the auto supply store near our house where they will come out, check the battery, and replace it right in the parking lot. UNFORTUNATELY, they did not have my kind of battery even though my battery failed their test. SO....off we went to the local Ford dealer. Missed it by THAT much, as Maxwell Smart used to say. They closed at 6 p.m. and it was 6:05. DOH! I left it on a night drop and also asked for 60,000 mile check-up. This will probably cost a fortune at the season of year where it's not fun to pay a fortune for car upkeep. Oh, well...at least Mark agreed to let me buy him dinner at Denny's. I was SOOOOO ready to go have dinner by 6:30 p.m. after a long, crazy day.

The cook was having an off day, so she sent me the Sr. Lemon Pepper Tilapia WITH sauce even though I always order it with NO sauce. Our server sent it back, which was nice. The cook also sent Mark, and later me, the full meal instead of the Sr. meal. This meant a bigger plate, larger piece of fish, and a huge pile of RICE with peas and carrots lurking under the fish. YUM. I love rice with peas and carrots, but I could not eat that. Actually I picked out all the peas and carrots and left most of the rice, but I need to add at least an extra 100 calories to the usual count of 750. Sigh. After an unusually stressful day, I would normally overeat A LOT, so I guess just having a few extra peas and carrots isn't too bad.

Now I'm finally home and watching TV and relaxing. Feels good to be relaxing finally.

Home again

Last night at the resort was a lot of fun, and I managed my dinner calories pretty well. This morning we had breakfast in the room again before a nice stretch of reading in front of the fireplace. It's bright and sunny out; the roads are clear. The drive home was uneventful. We decided to eat Subway for lunch instead of a sandwich and fries at the resort. They have no salad options at lunch, unfortunately. We had a late lunch at the Subway in Hagerstown on the drive home, but I held off my hunger with some carrots and gum in the car. For dinner we are heading out shortly to eat at TJ's in Calverton. It's where I went last week with Suzie and Evelyn. Mark is jealous that everyone he knows has been there except him, so I suggested we go there instead of Denny's. I know I can make the right choices there to keep my calories reasonable. The only bad thing about the last three days is that there has been no walking. My calories have been between 1400 and 1600 each day for the last few days. Without walking a lot, that's probably maintenance level. The scale will tell the tale tomorrow morning!

It's snowing.

As promised, there is snow falling here in West Virginia this morning. It is just beautiful. Mark and I ate our hard-boiled eggs and fruit in our room this morning. I sat by the fireplace for awhile sipping coffee, and I'm about to go sit by the indoor pool and read my book on the making of the Panama Canal. It's going to be a great day. I hope anyone reading this is having a great day, too.

Weekend Away

I worked two days! Hey, enough is enough! Time for a get-a-way. Mark drove me to work this morning, so he could come back at 2:30 and pick me up right after work. We drove two and a half hours to one of our favorite places up in the West Virginia mountains. The lodge has a crackling, roaring fireplace going, and at 8:30 tonight they are running the movie A Good Year with Russell Crowe and Albert Finney. I don't know anything about it, but I don't care. I'm sure it will be fun and relaxing to watch it with the fire in the huge, stone fireplace of the main lodge.

To keep my calories in check, we always bring our own dinner. Mark had Subway salads, challah, and grape juice in the car for dinner in our room. It's Shabbat tonight, so we always have challah and grape juice for that. We also packed hard-boiled eggs and fruit for breakfast in the room tomorrow morning. This lodge provides coffee and tea all day in the lodge plus we brought 8 bottles of water. Tomorrow for lunch we are having salad with cans of tuna, also brought from home. This plan always saves calories as well as money. We will eat dinner here tomorrow night at the buffet. The Sunday morning breakfast and lunch will be a bit more problematic, but I'll try to be careful and keep the calories reasonable. I'll keep you posted.

Tomorrow it's supposed to snow one to three inches up here. It should be amazingly beautiful to sit in the lodge by the fire and watch it snow, or go to the indoor pool area and look out the floor to ceiling glass walls at the snowfall. The only sad thing for me is that I am still restricted from swimming or getting in the hot tub. I will have to content myself with watching Mark enjoy these things. I'll probably get a lot of reading done! In any case, this will be a calm, snowy, relaxing weekend.

Back to Work!

Today was my first day back to work. It felt great. It was fun to see everyone again, and I got one new class in my schedule which made for an interesting day. After school, Mark and I went to see the new Disney movie, Old Dogs, which wasn't really very good. Then we walked twice around the mall track and had a Starbucks. I love those skinny lattes! Today I got only the Tall size, 90 calories. My day's calories will be 1200 again today. I feel strong and in control. I am becoming aware that being in control is a day to day struggle. Just because I'm in control today does not mean that I'll be that way tomorrow, or even later today. I have to take think about it all the time.

Last day of sick leave

This is my last day of sick leave from the surgery. The fear of the surgery is long gone; the recovery is nearly complete. There are only a few restrictions left: no lifting really heavy things, no twisting, no swimming or hot tubbing. Except for the no lifting, all restrictions will be gone by mid-January. Now I have to continue on the weight loss journey without the fear factor. It's a challenge. I will keep writing in this blog, writing my food down in the journal, walking, resisting binges. I still feel pretty motivated because I want to get under 200, and I'm getting very close.

Today I walked two times around the track inside the local mall. I started the circuit in the food court so that when I got back around the second time I could have my double meat turkey salad at the Subway in the food court. That was delicious as always. Then I started out to walk one more time around the mall at a slow pace and stop in the stores for some shopping. I was determined to try on some clothes and try to find my size. I have learned that I am between sizes right now. I want some new slacks, so I went to TJ Maxx first and tried on a pair of 24w. They were HUGE! So I took back a pair in size 22w. They fit pretty well in the waist and hips, but the legs were like clown pants. Then I took back a pair of 20w. At least that's what the hanger said, but they were actually 18w and did not fit. I figured I was a 20, but I was tired of being in that store, so I moved on to Burlington Coat Factory. I took back three pairs of various styles of pants, including a pair of stretchy jeans, all in size 20w. Nothing fit. I couldn't zip up or button anything, although the legs were the right size. So I'm between 20 and 22 right now, I guess. Still it was disappointing not to buy any new pants. On the plus side, I am no longer a size 32w, which I most definitely was less than a year ago. And that size isn't even in any store!

I also treated myself to a new pair of shoes. I was trying on dressy heels for my show in January, but that got me nowhere. Shoes are either flat or four inches high! Why isn't there anything dressy with a reasonable heel height of two inches? I did find a cute pair of casual shoes which were just like things I had been drooling over in catalogs for awhile. Even though they were expensive (not as expensive as the cowboy boots!), I bought them as a splurge for myself. I also bought some Christmas cards and presents for Mark, Evey, and my Aunt Elsie.

From the food court to the Starbucks is about halfway around the track. That half took TWO HOURS with all the stopping and shopping! It was worth it and lots of fun. I treated myself to a Grande Sugar-Free Caramel Nonfat Latte (110 calories) and sat on a bench sipping it while I put my new shoes on. When I had finished half the latte, I gathered up all my packages, which were getting quite heavy by now, and walked in my new shoes all the way around the rest of the track and out to the car. It was a great day!

One funny thing did happen today. I noticed at lunch that I was wearing my husband's pants!! When I texted him that, his response was, "I'm speechless." Anyone who knows the two of us knows that we are nowhere near the same size, so how could I possibly be wearing his pants most of the day before I noticed! Well, we both have identical sweatpants from the bat mitzvah of our friends' daughter last January. Mark's are size L and really too big for him. Mine are size XL and didn't fit at all when I got them. After all the weight loss, I discovered they fit fine. Today I pulled them out of the clean clothes basket and put them on. Hm...I thought they felt a bit snugger than I remembered, but oh, well...I went on about the day. When I went to the ladies room at lunch in the mall, I decided to check the size tag. Ha Ha!! I'm wearing Mark's size L pants. I'm pretty excited that they fit. Why couldn't anything else in the store fit?

Walking is good.

I went to visit my 90 year old aunt. She was married once for a little while in the 1940s, but she never had any children. She was such a dynamo all her life, very athletic, a champion basketball player in her high school years, on a regular bowling league all of her adult life. She lived alone, and I always admired how she could do anything. She could fix anything that broke on her house. I would see her up on ladders, painting, hammering, nailing. She was amazing.

She didn't look much like the aunt I remembered. Sometimes she sort of responded to things and spoke, but mostly she just leaned over and looked tired. She's in a nursing home, confined to a wheelchair, eating only soft foods because she has no teeth or dentures. Still I was glad I went. I had wanted to take pictures, but the camera's batteries were dead. I'm going to go back and visit again Monday after work. I really enjoyed catching up on the news with cousin Irene and her husband Gary. It's been way too long since I had seen them. Between them they have six children, fifteen grandchildren, and fifteen great-grandchildren. What an awesome twosome!

When I got home, I went for a walk. I walked exactly 3 miles in an hour and ten minutes. It's not a 5k, but it's very close. I felt great while I was doing it. I also ate very well today. If I stick to the plan and only have my banana and two sugar-free popsicles later tonight, I will clock in at exactly 1100 calories today. It's been a good day.

Did I mention I bought an awesome pair of cowboy boots last night? What a treat for myself! I wore them all day today (except on the walk) and I loved how they looked.

Great day in the morning!

It's Tuesday and my official weigh-in is this morning. It was GREAT! 217.2, my lowest point yet. It represents 1.5 pound loss for the week (despite being up so much yesterday) and it's just two-tenths short of hitting the 105 pound mark. I'm very excited.

When I ate out yesterday, I did several things right. First, I went to the restaurant's website and read the menu carefully before I left the house. I picked out what I was going to have, a spinach salad (no bacon, no dressing) with grilled salmon. Second, when I got there, I stuck to that plan. I had three cups of black coffee along with it and lots of wonderful conversation with my friends. Third, when the delicious basket of hot bread and butter arrived, I did not even look at it! The salad had some shredded cheddar, a hard-boiled egg, and a handful of croutons on it, but even so, it's total calories were about 420. At the end of the meal, three hard candies were delivered with the check. One of my friends offered it to me and politely asked if I could have it. I decided to take it because it was a small sweet treat, self-contained, and only about 20 calories. I really appreciated that she asked me first. I also stuck to my eating plan all day without any slip-ups at night, so my day's calories were 1175. I have not had such a good day in at least a week.

Today is going to be an interesting one that I'll probably blog about later this afternoon. I have a 90 year old aunt still living. This morning I'm going to my cousin's house in the Baltimore area, then she and I will go to the nursing home to visit Aunt Elsie. This is the last of my mother's siblings. My mother was the youngest of 7, and Elsie was number 5. Although my mother died at age 58 and a half, nearly a year younger than I am now, several of her sisters made it into their 80s and 90s. I heard from my cousin that Aunt Elsie does not know who anyone is, but she's pleasant. I have not seen her for several years, so it's time to go pay a visit.

I also did some reading last night on binge eating disorder. That was enlightening and fodder for another blog later.

No one to be mad at but myself

I weighed myself last Sunday before we left for our trip to Orlando. I weighed myself this morning now that we are home. There really is no one to be mad at but myself. I'm the one that ate...and ate...and ate. I gained three pounds on this trip despite all the walking I did. It's so easy to convince yourself that the walking will take care of the eating, but that is really not always the case. I don't have to write this number down since only Tuesday morning weigh-ins are official in my journal, but I did not like seeing that number. Also it's mildly amusing to note that the same number which can make you so happy on the way down can make you so mad when they are coming back on the way up. I was 219.7 last Sunday and 221.9 this morning. I was extremely excited when I hit 222 because it represented a 100 pound loss. Now it represents a 2.7 pound gain for the week. Well, I need to get back on track today. Tomorrow morning it counts! Unfortunately, last Tuesday was a great number, 218.7, although what the scale said in the hotel bathroom is suspicious. I had a hard time getting the same number twice; still that's the number I wrote in the journal. Now, I have to hope for a miracle to drop nearly four pounds by tomorrow morning, or this week will go down as a gain. There have not been too many weeks that went down as gains, but it won't be the first. It means I have to regain the focus. I need to find my motivation again and get back to the new habits I'm trying to build. There really is no one to be mad at but myself.

Another challenge is that today I am going to eat lunch out with two dear friends. I let them pick the restaurant. It should be a great one, and it will be tempting to overeat. At least they both know I'm dieting, so that should keep me honest!

Travel Eating Troubles

I have really enjoyed my trip to Orlando to visit Evey. I got to watch her work and treat injured athletes on the soccer field. That was such a joy; however, I have not managed my food very well the last few days. I had planned to eat a lot at Thanksgiving dinner at the Golden Corral buffet, and I certainly did follow through on that plan. I estimated that I ate nearly 3000 calories just at dinner. Oh my it tasted good, but I had not felt that overfull feeling in a long time. Evey tried to remind me that it just doesn't feel that great. Of course, she's right.

Sadly, it also meant that I continued to overdo it on the next day as well. I can't tell exactly how the weight is going, except that I'm sure it's going UP. The scale is being erratic on the bathroom floor of our hotel room. It showed me an EIGHT pound spread this morning. Am I down three since Thanksgiving morning? Not likely. Am I up five? Probably. UGH. I just came back up to the room after having breakfast at the hotel, and I ate a bit more than I had planned. I had some scrambled eggs, a bowl of grits, some sliced canned peaches, and some strawberry yogurt (not sugar free or fat free, I'm quite sure.) That's probably around 500 calories, more than twice as many as my usual breakfast. Lunch will be the Subway salads we bought in advance yesterday and put in our refrigerator, so that's the 190 I often have. Dinner will be my usual tilapia dinner at Denny's for 750. Tonight on the train I will eat a banana. So today won't be too bad, but it will come to about 1570. I can do a bunch of walking at the Disney Wide World of Sports Complex again today when we go watch Evey work baseball. Yesterday she did soccer. It was just amazing to watch her calmly treat the middle-school aged boys who had ankle injuries. Awesome.

The thing that really worries me is how easy it is to slip back into the bad habits. I have to think ahead to our 42 day vacation in March and April. We will be on a cruise ship for 30 days and eating a buffet breakfast every one of those days. I had better learn to put less on my breakfast plate at that buffet than I have done at this buffet. I also need to stick to the three-bite rule on desserts, or better yet, not take them every night. Last night Mark and I had a great dinner at a fancy restaurant called Paradiso 37 at Pleasure Island in Downtown Disney. We ordered a peach Empanada dessert. It came with eight separate little pieces and two dipping sauces. Mark ate his three pieces. I ate the other five. And I used up most of the dipping sauces. Totally unnecessary. I couldn't stop myself. Jeez. New habits are hard to form, and hard to stick to, but it's so easy to slip back into the old habits.

Good times

Our day in the Magic Kingdom and the Disney Hollywood Studios was great yesterday. It only rained for a little while, so it didn't interfere with our fun. We walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, well, you get the picture. Exercise yesterday was not a problem. I ate about 2300 calories, but still dropped almost another pound. This morning I was 217.6. I am excited about flying out of the teens and getting into single digits. Before you know it, I'll be under 200 and I really DO believe this is possible! Not only possible, but REALLY going to HAPPEN!!

Today it is pouring down rain, gray, and miserable out. We have adjusted our plans to stay in the hotel all day. I walked on the treadmill in the exercise room for 37 minutes, went one and a half miles, and burned 111 calories. That will have to be it for exercise today. The temperatures are predicted to drop into the thirties tonight, which is unusual for this time of year in Orlando.

I hope everyone who is reading this blog has a wonderful holiday tomorrow.

In theTeens!

It's Tuesday morning, and that means the official weigh-in is here. I'm officially in the teens: 218.7. I'm so excited.

We had a great day yesterday with our daughter. The suite is beautiful, and Evey is staying here for three nights. I took pictures of Mark and Evey in the pool. We also had a great dinner at Raglan Road Irish restaurant at Downtown Disney. I had salmon with asparagus, left off the maple glaze. I also had a delicious, expensive Irish whiskey, a few bites of Irish soda bread, a few bites of smoked haddock appetizer, and a few bites of a wonderful dessert that was raspberries, ice cream, and a meringue topping. There was live music and an Irish dancer entertaining us as we ate. The day was just so much fun!

We also had time for some shopping before dinner. The World of Disney is such an amazing store. Evey literally squealed with delight when she saw a purse/bag in black and white that she had wanted, but she couldn't find it anywhere anymore. She was only seeing brown and white ones, but those are not her colors. So naturally Daddy had to buy it for her for an early Hanukkah present. I found a new pocketbook! That was also exciting because I have been looking for an over-the-shoulder Disney purse for years. Plus Mark got the new winter coffee brews he wanted. Shopping at Downtown Disney is more fun than anywhere else.

Because I was so exhausted from having almost no sleep on the train and such a busy day, I did not make it though "Castle" on the TV. I fell asleep and had a great night's sleep. The hotel bed is really comfortable. We are going down in a few minutes for the complimentary full American breakfast which should be fabulous. I will watch myself and not overdo because I'm so excited about that number on the scale this morning.

Then it's off to the Magic Kingdom!

Made it to Buena Vista Suites in Orlando!!

I managed to get an hour and ten minute walk in yesterday morning by going up to Shoppers to buy romaine for the rabbit. They were out of romaine. DOH! I got other things instead and then walked home.

The train left promptly at 3 p.m. Although I didn't sleep as well as I had hoped on the train, I LOVED the travel. I especially loved how my new, smaller body fit into the seat and, best of all, in the dining car booth with room to spare. We had a lovely dinner that didn't blow my diet. I had the delicious baked salmon with string beans, mashed potatoes, and a small side salad. I had Mark move the scrumptious looking bread away from me, so I did not eat any bread. We did not order dessert either. My one indulgence was a whiskey on the rocks, 100 calories, totally delicious.

Breakfast had been packed at home: two hard-boiled eggs, some blueberries, and a clementine. All we needed to buy was black coffee. Again, it was just the thing.

Now we are ensconced in our beautiful two room suite. Once we both have a chance to shower and change clothes, we are driving over to get Evey and go to Subway for lunch. What a great day this is going to be!

It's GONE! And I'm not looking for it.

The surgical fluid weight is GONE!! Hallelujah! I usually do not weigh-in on Sunday mornings unless Mark forgot to hide the scale, but I asked him to bring it out this morning. I got on it and it's GONE!! I am 219.2 this morning. That is actually four tenths LOWER than the morning of the surgery. Whew. At last it's gone.

Now I have to decide whether to pack the scale for the trip or leave it behind. That's a hard decision for me for several reasons. If I take it, I will be tempted to hop on and off every day, even multiple times a day. If I take it, I can weigh-in on my regular day, Tuesday morning, and write it down. If I take it, I might be more honest with myself eating in restaurants. If I take it, I might get CRAZY if I put some weight on. Oh, decisions, decisions.

This afternoon at 3 p.m. our train for Orlando leaves. I could pack the scale in my suitcase and check my weight on Tuesday morning. I should do that. I probably will do that unless the suitcase looks too full. I have already taken out the pages from my food journal to pack. Even if I am eating in restaurants for the next 7 days, I'll try to write things down. I did that on our big summer vacation trip and that helped a lot to keep me honest. I lost 15 pounds on the six week vacation this summer.

Denise, I have already put the cute little hand-held Connect Four game that you sent me into my purse to play on the train, along with a new book of puzzles given to me by a co-worker, and two books. I will be quite content on the train trip.

Did I mention that I'm excited about eating dinner in the dining car tonight? When Mark, Evey, and I took the cross-country train to California back in the summer of 2002, I weighed 265. I had just dieted myself down from 295 for the trip. I ate in the dining car then, but it was quite a tight fit into those little booths. When Mark and I took the overnight train to New Orleans this past January for a wedding, I wouldn't even go to the dining car. At 316 pounds, I KNEW there was NO WAY I could fit into the booth. Mark went to the cafe car and brought things back for me. I am very excited to think that I can fit into the booth for a nice dinner tonight. That will be one of the things I talk about on the next blog for sure!

Our train gets to Orlando at 10:34 tomorrow morning. We are renting a car for the week. By noon we'll be checked into the Buena Vista Suites Hotel and having lunch with our daughter Evey. I can't wait to see her. Tomorrow night we have a 6:30 p.m. reservation for dinner at the Raglan Road Irish restaurant at Downtown Disney. The menu looks amazing, but I will have to be careful. Evey has been there before and says she loves their Bailey's Irish Cream Milkshake. Hmm...I would love that, too. I told her she can order it, and I'll take one or two sips for my dessert.

The next time I post on this blog will be from Orlando and the Buena Vista Suites Hotel.

Wonderful Concert!

Mark and I really enjoyed the concert tonight of Elijah. I followed along in my score the whole way. The soloists were phenomenal, and my friends in CMC were just amazing. It was so energizing to see everyone again and get hugs and well-wishes from everyone. I had not seen most of them in a month or more, so they were very complimentary about my weight loss. The kind of love and camaraderie that develops in a choir is amazing. It's something that you get from very few other experiences. To anyone from CMC who reads this blog, and I know there are some of you out there, GREAT WORK tonight. I miss being part of the group. I only did it for two seasons and part of this season, but it was a wonderfully rewarding experience. When I move to Florida, I hope I can find a group to join there. If I can't sell my house and don't move, you better believe I will be back in CMC!!

I'm mad.

It's now dark out, and I did not get a walk in today. I feel frustrated and mad at myself for not doing it. When we got home from the synagogue it was already going on 2 p.m. We had a late lunch and I felt sleepy, so I took a little nap thinking that I'd walk when I woke up. When I woke up at 4:15, it was still light, but Mark was napping. I should have just taken responsibility for myself and gone out walking for a half an hour before it got dark. Instead I ate some salad and a clementine and watched TV until about 5:20. By then, of course, it was quite dark. I asked Mark when he was going to get up, and he said at 5:45. Of course, as soon as it got dark, I knew there would not be a walk, so I don't know why I'm mad; yet somehow I feel like I should have done it. Now I'm sitting here at the computer feeling angry with myself and a little angry at Mark for not doing it, but I know intellectually that that is the wrong thing to feel. It's actually always my own responsibility for getting out there and doing what I know I should do. I have to take all the responsibility for my own health and walking is part of that. Now I've wasted a day to get a nice walk in. UGH. I'm feeling mad.

Elijah tonight

Today is a turning out great! I actually went to synagogue services this morning which I have not attended since the surgery. I'll miss the next two weeks for travel. It was nice seeing everyone and getting so many well-wishes. Mark and I were called up for the first aliyah so that I could "bench gomel," a special prayer people say after they have come through surgeries or accidents. It was a nice moment.

When I got home, I had a long, chatty email from my son. He doesn't often send long, chatty emails, so that was a gift in itself making this day an especially great one.

Soon I will go out for a pleasant walk in the sun, and tonight Mark and I are going to hear the Central Maryland Chorale sing Mendelssohn's oratorio Elijah. I would have been singing it with them except for this surgery. My friend Joan brought us two tickets as a gift. I'm looking forward to it very much.

It's a great day. I hope everyone reading this blog is also having a great day!

Sunny, clear, and cool

Today I got my nails and toes done! Yay!! I had taken all the acrylics off before the surgery, and I had forgotten how miserable my real nails look. They chip and break too easily. So today I got a full set of acrylics again and a pedicure. I picked out a pale pink polish that almost matches my Mickey Mouse shaped pink ring that I found in my jewelry box. Mark bought me this ring at Disney World many years ago, but it had not fit my finger for a very long time. Happily, it is now loose! I have been wearing it for the last week, so today it was fun to get my toes and nails painted to match.

We also took a lovely walk with a purpose. Mark needed an ingredient for tonight's Hungry Girl recipe (Meaty Thin Crust Pizza, using soy crumbles for the meat and a low-carb tortilla for the thin crust) that he didn't know we were out of when he shopped, so we walked up to the Shopper's Food Warehouse store to get it. That's about a 2 mile round trip, and we did it in 49 minutes. The weather was just delightful, and I always enjoy the conversations that Mark and I have while we walk.

Drizzly, dark, and damp

It is not an outdoors kind of day. The weather is so dark, cold, and drizzly that I almost wanted to stay in my flannel nightgown and fluffy bathrobe all day. Instead I showered and dressed and went to Lowe's. We are slowly working on remodeling and painting projects in anticipation of selling our house next spring. Mark has been diligently working on painting the master bath, so I've been looking into new sinks, fixtures, and medicine cabinets for the hall bathroom. The other day I went to Home Depot with all the measurements and learned about a lot of options and prices. It totally wore me out, so much so that all I could do was sit in the car for about ten minutes before I had the energy to drive home. That was also after I had walked in the neighborhood, though. Today I used walking around Lowe's looking at the same sorts of things as my walk. I walked around the store for 40 minutes. Well, in all honesty, some of the time I was standing still looking at things, but mostly I was slowly cruising around the aisles looking at all kinds of beautiful things. Then I went to the pet store to buy some more treats for my bunny rabbit. I also bought two magazines about rabbits. Now I've had my usual 240 calorie lunch, and I'm about to sit in my chair, in my flannel nightie and fluffy bathrobe, and read the rabbit magazines. I suspect it won't be long before I'm taking a nap. Ah, the doctor prescribed rest, so on a drizzly, dark, damp day, I think a nap is the perfect afternoon plan!

Ramping it up

I increased the walking today, and it felt pretty good! Mark and I just returned from going 2.1 miles in 50 minutes. I know that's nothing to brag about under ordinary circumstances, but for me it's an accomplishment. It's 15 minutes longer and .6 of a mile farther, so that makes it an accomplishment at this time. I broke a sweat and feel like I'm coming back.

I also went to the grocery store today all by myself! Wow, I haven't done that in a long time actually. I needed more vitamins, but I also discovered a new soup. I bought a container of Campbell's Select Harvest Light Southwestern -Style Vegetable Soup. It had two servings in it (yeah, right, who would share that?) at 50 calories per serving. So I ate the whole container for 100 calories. I also had a can of tuna in water for another 100 calories plus my usual two containers of sugar-free jello for 20 more. Today's lunch was 220. Excellent.

Normally I eat Nile Minestrone soup in a cup at 140 calories. So this Campbell's soup, which was really delicious and just as filling, was 40 calories less. Hm...a good deal until you compare price. Nile at $1.50 is the better bargain compared to the Campbell's at $2.69.

A comparison of the other nutrients finds this:

Nile Minestrone
Calories 140
Fat 1 g
Cholesterol 0 mg
Sodium 590 mg
Tot Carbs 30 g
Fiber 8 g
Sugar 3 g
Protein 8 g


Campbell's Select Harvest Light Southwestern-Style Vegetable
Calories 100
Fat 0 g
Cholesterol 0 mg
Sodium 960 mg
Total Carbs 28 g
Fiber 8 g
Sugar 10 g
Protein 4 g

For someone watching their sodium or sugar intake, then the Nile Minestrone is a better choice. Fat, cholesterol, and fiber are equal. Nile is also higher in its protein content.

I don't really care about any of those things except the calories, so for me Campbell's looks better; however, it does cost almost twice as much. Oh, well...variety is the spice of life.

"These boots are made for walkin' "

OK, I wasn't really wearing boots. Mark and I just got back from walking to the mailbox and back. That's a 1.45 mile roundtrip. Today I shaved one minute off yesterday's time, walking it in 35 minutes. I'd like to get my strength back up to the 5K in an hour and ten minutes, but I know that's going to take awhile.

Also it's Tuesday, which is weigh-in day. I was 223 this morning. It's still three pounds up from the day of the surgery, but I will take it. It's a one pound loss for the week, and I was not especially well-behaved this week since I averaged 1655 calories per day. That's probably a maintenance amount, so the one pound was just more of the surgical fluid being absorbed and released. Oh, well...I feel rejuvenated today. I feel more in control and excited about the weight loss again. After visiting the doctor yesterday, I feel happy and healthy. I know that I'm going in the right direction and that I will positively get there.

My goal now is to lose a total of 48 more pounds, putting me at the wedding weight of 175. Having lost 99 pounds right now, 48 doesn't seem like so much. I am confident that I can do it. I am setting no particular time limit on it because there will be so much traveling in the spring. I hope to maintain my weight at least on all the travel, but I do plan to lose 25 more before the travel starts on March 2, 2010. So the new goal is to hit 198 by March 2!! Wow, I haven't been under 200 since I was in my twenties. I am starting to remember how wonderful that felt, and I'm looking forward to it.

Post-Op Follow-Up

I recently returned from my surgeon's office for the two week post-op visit. He is happy with my progress. He said it's normal still to be up in weight after this. I am still up 5 pounds from two weeks ago, pre-surgery. He was unconcerned because there is still a lot of swelling in there. He said no swimming or weight-lifting or exercise machines until January, but I can walk all I want. I can DRIVE!! That's the best news. He pulled all the steri-strips off the incision and said it looks good. Hm...beauty is in the eye of the beholder. At least it's not purple anymore. It's also longer than I thought. I thought I had measured the whole thing and got 9 inches, but when I got home, I got a really GOOD look at the thing and remeasured. This time I realized it goes a lot farther than I thought, TWELVE inches! YIKES. Still the scar is pretty thin and the part that went over the old scar looks much better than the old one did. It will look even better once it's not scabby, swollen, and red! He said, "You know you had some pretty big hernias in there." Yeah, I think I knew that. I also learned that it takes six to eight weeks for the internal stitches to get totally absorbed, but that there are permanent stitches in there holding the mesh to the muscles that will never go away. So for that reason I have to be careful about twisting, lifting, pulling for at least another six to eight weeks, but really careful about lifting anything heavy forever. Hm. Mark and I left the office and went to the pharmacy for a prescription for him and my daughter, then to the grocery store for a few items, then home. The whole trip out was two hours and twenty minutes. Instead of feeling ready to go for a walk, I felt ready for a nap. I am exhausted. He also said that the lack of energy and tiring quickly is completely normal. I also couldn't wait to get my clothes off!! I'm not enjoying the feeling of elastic across the scar. Still, it has been a good day.

Good friends part two

My Mahj girlfriends just left. It was so much fun, and I even won one game. Everyone drank lots of tea, both cold and hot, and coffee. It was like a festive tea party without all the food. The only food that was brought was some clementines that everyone enjoyed. I think this was the first time that we played mah jongg without lots of food, and I didn't miss it. I think we all focused more on the games, the conversations, and the friendships. I did not miss the food at all.

Thanks, girlfriends, for honoring my request not to bring food. That's the first time I would have had the inner strength to ask for no food. That's sort of a milestone for me.

Tomorrow I'll go to the doctor for my two week check-up. I'll keep you posted!

Feeling a set back

I just got back from a walk outdoors. The weather is delightfully sunny, but my energy level was surprisingly low. I walked a shorter distance than yesterday, but it still took 36 minutes. My back hurt and my sciatica kicked almost right away, before I even got to the end of the street. I haven't weighed myself this week, but there haven't been too many truly low-calorie days. I also had just spent nearly two hours singing through my show in January. That involved standing for most of that time, then I took a shower and put real clothes on! Underwear, too! This is the first day I put underwear on since the surgery. Most of the steri-strips are still in place, and I have not wanted any elastic on them. I thought I'd test it out today. I doubt if that is why my energy is lower, but still it was something different. Maybe I just wore myself out with the singing more than I realized.

In ninety minutes my Mahj crew will be here! Whoee. Can't wait.

Friends

Yesterday I got a wonderful card from a wonderful woman. The front of the card shows a picture of two cups of hot coffee and some chocolates (and I LOVE both of those!) with the words "Thinking of you today..." Inside it reads "...feeling fortunate that life brought us together and made us friends." Wow! That's awesome. Life certainly does do that sometimes.

I met Evelyn when I joined Central Maryland Chorale. She then joined my Mishkan Torah choir. This allowed us to get to know each other over the last two and a half years. She is a delightful person, and I feel fortunate that life brought us together. She is also an excellent tenor, and my choir was improved by her voice. Coincidentally she shares the first name of my favorite aunt and my daughter.

Little did I know that she also knew one of my high school friends, Mary Jane Cross, known professionally as Murphy Cross. Last June when we were in NYC with CMC to sing in Carnegie Hall, Evelyn and I joined some other CMC singers for dinner one night. During dinner, Evelyn happened to mention that she was going to meet her friend Murphy Cross the next morning in the hotel lobby. I did a little double-take because it's an unusual name. It didn't take long before we realized we were talking about the same person! Evelyn had been good friends with Murphy's mother and watched Murphy grow up. I went to school with Murphy and was in virtually all her classes from 7th grade through 12th grade. After high school, Murphy went to NY to study musical theater and has had a successful career as an actress, choreographer, and director. She won a Tony Award in 2007 for a show called Jay Johnson: The Two and Only. I ran into her only once since high school and that was back when we were both still in college.

So I met with Evelyn and Murphy in the lobby of the hotel. Although Evelyn and Murphy have kept in touch and meet up with each other frequently, I had not seen Murphy in decades. We had a wonderful "catch up on thirty years of life" conversation for about an hour or so before Evelyn and I had to go to a rehearsal. It was really a great time.

So I would like to paraphrase a recent commercial and say:
Cost of joining CMC, $65
Cost of trip to sing at Carnegie Hall, $2,000
Cost of getting to know Evelyn, PRICELESS!!

Crystal Light

We had a plumbing issue this past week which was a leak under the kitchen sink with an inch of water in the cabinet. Yikes. The plumber fixed the pipe and installed a new garbage disposal, but, of course, we had to take everything out from under the sink. Yay! I found a big plastic pitcher. I ran it through the dishwasher, and today I discovered we had lots of Crystal Light packages in the pantry. I mixed up a pitcher of lemonade. Hmm, hmm, good. I also ate a big mug of tomato soup for lunch. Hmm, hmm, good.

The rains finally stopped, so Mark and I took a long walk in the neighborhood for 37 minutes. That's the first time we walked since Tuesday, and it was the longest walk since the surgery.

Other than that I have been ensconced all day in front of America's Top Model Petite Edition all day. At least during the commercials I can read some more pages in my book on the history of the Panama Canal. It's an excellent book, and especialy interesting since we'll be cruising through the canal in April.

Good friends and Bad Habits

I had a nice comment on yesterday's blog from my sister-in-law, Denise. She said it's hard to break bad habits until we understand why we have them. That's very true. The emotional eating articles from Peer Trainer are addressing that issue. I'm a bit behind on listening to them and reading them. I guess it's time to make a point of getting back to that. I did a bit better yesterday, but not perfect. I succumbed to some temptations while watching TV, about an extra 500 calories over my plan. Still, a day of 1700 isn't bad, but it's too much to have any weight loss when there is no exercise along with it.

Good friends help a lot! Yesterday, my good friend Jan came over for a visit. Even though she could only stay an hour, it was wonderful. The cold, rainy, dreary day was definitely brightened by our conversation. She's reading the blog! It's always exciting to me when I discover that someone is reading the blog. She can even relate to some of the things I've been saying. It's comforting to know that there are people who "get it" out there, and I love to hear their stories.

On Sunday I will have 6 great friends coming over to play Mah Jongg at my house. I had set the time for 2 to 4:30 on the condition that I didn't have to make any food or set anything up. They happily agreed. Then yesterday the food talks started. One of them wanted to know what she could bring that I would eat. Well, the short answer to that is that if anyone brings ANYTHING, I'm going to want to eat it. Of course, I should NOT eat anything; that's the real answer.

So I wrote back to her saying that since I scheduled it for 2 to 4:30 because I usually do not eat during that time, there was no reason to bring food for me. If they were going to bring food, it should be vegetables or low-calorie fruits like melon or berries. I planned to drink tea, chew gum, and not think about the snacks they were eating. I also asked that they especially not bring chocolate, chips, or baked goods. After all, I purposely picked 2 to 4:30 because it wasn't lunch or dinner.

Our Mahj group has been playing together for years and years, and we always have it around a lunch or dinner. Whoever hosts usually puts out most of the food, but others attending bring something to contribute. It's always a yummy occasion! I've certainly enjoyed the food as much as the games, the conversation, and the friendships; however, now it's time to put the food part away for awhile, at least for me. It's time to make it about the game, the conversations, and the friendships only.

I'm very excited and pleased that everyone has responded to that email notice in a positive way. They are all supporting me! They are all saying, "Hey, wait, I don't usually eat between 2 and 4:30 either. Maybe we can just have some nice tea and coffee and leave the food out of it."

Way to go girls!! Thanks for being supportive and for being my friends.

Falling off the wagon

I fell off my personal food wagon again yesterday. AGH. WHY do I DO that? Mark went out to Home Depot to buy the new garbage disposal unit, and I went into binge mode. I ate way too many nuts, plus some other nutritious food like a can of tuna and a cheese sandwich (made with lo-cal, lo-carb bread and fat-free cheese), and some Saltine crackers. OK, an entire strip of Saltine crackers for 480 calories. Other than finishing the strip of Saltines, there was nothing actually wrong with what I ate. The thing that was wrong is that I had just had lunch less than thirty minutes earlier. There was no reason to eat anything else at that time. Yet, I got the old urges and started to rove around the kitchen finding things to eat. It's such a bad behavior. It's one that I thought I had mastered, but clearly I have not. Maybe it's too much time in the house with this surgery recovery. Maybe it was the unending, dreary rain yesterday which prevented me from going out for a walk. Maybe it's something else. I really and truly do not know what triggers it. It's clearly not hunger that triggers these binges. I have to get back to reading some of the articles from Peer Trainer on emotional eating. I have gotten a several emails from them lately that I have not taken the time to read. Today might be the day to read them.

Co-inky dinks

I just reread the post I wrote last night. I noticed that the average number of calories I consumed last week per day, 1950, is equal to the number of the year in which I was born. Coincidence?

Made it through the day.

Well, Tuesday is about over. I have made it a good day, and this is the first really good day in the last three. I got up from my chair and had my hands on the box of Saltines, but I put them back. Later I got up from my chair and picked up the mixed nuts, but I put them back. I asked Mark to hide his sugar-free chocolates, which he did. I weigh in on Tuesday mornings, so today I weighed 224. It's up 5 still from last Monday, pre-surgery, but down 5 for this week. Despite how many calories I consumed most days last week (the average was 1950, UGH), I still dropped five pounds of surgical fluids! I walked thirty minutes again today. That was good. Now I'm going to bed, feeling a little more in control again. Whew! Finally!

Everything Ages

I am watching Sesame Street today. It's the 40th anniversary episode, and Michelle Obama is supposed to be on it. She is the first First Lady to have grown up watching Sesame Street. I watched a lot of it when my kids were growing up. We used to enjoy it, but I haven't seen it in years. I was surprised to see how much Marie and Luis have aged, and Bob! Holy Cow, he's looking old. Susan and Gordon look very well. Everything ages, but some things age better than others! The show itself is aging very well. It's still popular, looking good, and serving its purpose of instructing pre-schoolers. Go Sesame Street!

Raise you two

Of course, I'm up two pounds today over yesterday morning after this past weekend's debacle. I really didn't want to write the last entry or this one, but if I withhold the bad stuff, there's no point in having this blog. It got started when I had a binge. I really do have to 'fess up when I slip up. Tomorrow is my official weigh-in morning. I have asked Mark to take the scale away after tomorrow because I need to get back to all of my routines, including the one of weighing in only once a week. All I can do today is pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on the horse, so to speak.

Out of Control

Full disclosure forces me to say that I am OUT OF CONTROL tonight. Too much food yesterday and a good plan for today, but I threw the plan out the window apparently. I overate at lunch. I overate at dinner. Then I got into graze and binge mode. I have eaten everything in sight for the last ninety minutes until I feel that my stomach will burst. I expect that overstuffing my stomach is NOT SMART with internal stitches. I didn't want to type this because I know Mark will read it tomorrow and be mad, then disappointed, and completely not get it. People with normal eating habits don't get it, I know. I don't even get it. I just do it. I need to find that inner strength that got me this far. Where did it go? I hope it returns tomorrow.

No 5K Sunday

I knew this would happen. The last four Sundays I went out and walked the 5K route in my neighborhood, but I knew that would not happen this Sunday. Since the surgery, I only went out to walk a little two times. I hope that today I can make it outside for a third time. I do plan to go out today and try to get at least as far as the community pool, which would barely be a few steps farther than the last time I went out. Still it would be something. I might be having a friend visit today; she wasn't sure if she could make it. If she comes, I might get her to go on a little walk with me!

On a very positive note, a few more of the pounds from the fluid weight gain are gone. I was 223.7 this morning. That's actually down FOUR pounds since yesterday morning. Must be fluid because yesterday I consumed nearly 2300 calories! Mark made such a delicious dinner for our friends: meat chili, homemade corn bread with margarine, salad, homemade brownies with walnuts, mixed nuts, low-carb crackers, low-carb tortilla chips, hummus, veggie tray. Wow, it adds up fast. Tonight we will have this meal again as leftovers, but I won't eat brownies. I froze all the brownies to use as a snack next Sunday when I host some Mah Jongg friends here for a few hours of playing. I have worked out a plan so that today I will only eat 1550 calories, which is much better than yesterday. Still it's not going to bring about a big weight loss without a lot of exercise, and I'm certainly NOT up to a lot of exercise yet.

My pain is fairly minimal for the most part now. I wear out quickly, and I will get pain in the abdomen if I try to do too much. The worst part is the large area of ugly, purple bruises. Now it not only looks horrible, but it ITCHES!!

Can't let anything stay contained?

This morning a friend of mine emailed me a question about our next big vacation. As I was typing my reply to her about how it went from a 16 day trip to a 42 day trip, I realized that I had never actually written it all down before. I told my husband, and he said, "Yeah, are you explaining to her how you are a person who can never let anything stay contained?" I laughed and replied, "Hey, maybe that's why I got so FAT over the years!!" I never thought about how I never keep anything little, but I almost always look for ways to make it bigger. Worked great on my body. Sadly that was not a good thing!

Let's talk inches today.

I am still up nine pounds since Monday morning. That's actually good because after the shock of seeing the extra 9 pounds Tuesday morning, MORE actually showed up. I went as high as 14 pounds up, so some of that has already gone. This morning I tried something new. I measured my waist and hips. I have been doing that periodically to track the inches that I have lost. Today I noticed that my waist and hips are each FOUR inches bigger than Monday morning before the surgery. Clearly that's where the extra water weight is hiding. All the medical personnel, both the nurses at the surgical center and the nurses who are my personal friends, have told me that this will take weeks to go away. So now I'm going to reveal the gory details, all the inches! At my highest weight ever, 322, on January 1, 2007, my measurements were 64-61-67. Yes, those all start with a SIX. Pretty hideous looking at it now, but I never realized how bad it was at the time. I'm pretty sure I was similarly sized this past January 20, 2009 when I began this particular journey. I re-measured on September 1, 2009, weighing in at 240. At that time my measurements were 50-51-56. NOT BAD!! Down double digits in all directions. I also re-measured the morning of the surgery, November 2, 2009, weighing in at 219.6. I was 49-48-52. Still losing!! Now five days later post-op, I weighed in this morning at 228.6, and my measurements are 49-52-56. UGH. Why is it that if you have to gain inches, they are never in your boobs!

Showing signs of improvement

Here it is, day four post-op. Things are showing signs of improvement. Last night I did have to take Percocet at bed time. I was starting to notice some serious discomfort, and I had not had any pain killers all day. Time for toughening up and sucking it up was OVER. I slept in my bed for the first time since Sunday night. For the first two nights, I could not lay down on my back, or on my side, or (obviously) on my stomach; so that pretty much ruled out being in a bed! I slept sitting up in my living room chair, which is actually more comfortable than you might think. Last night, with the help of Percocet, I was able to sleep on my back or on my side if I had a pillow under my stomach to relieve some of the pressure. I slept pretty well, actually. This morning I have vowed to eat my normal diet again, so I had Morningstar Links and black coffee. In an hour or so, I'm going to have a yogurt. Hopefully none of that will make me nauseous. I'm still up a total of 10 pounds over Monday morning, pre-surgery, so I'm going to have work really hard to get that 10 pounds back off. I did not expect to face that challenge, but I'm convinced that if I get back to my usual 1200 calorie per day plan, that it will come off, even if the exercise component has to be cut way back. It will just take longer.

Also, yesterday my rabbi came by for a visit. It was delightful, and I really appreciated him driving all the way up here to see me. He even concluded the visit by giving me a misheberach, a special healing prayer for the sick. As he stood with his prayer book in his left hand and put his right hand on my arm to recite the words of the healing prayer, I did actually feel very special. I felt as if I had truly received a blessing of healing. Thanks, Rabbi Jonathan!

Post-Op Day Three; this might be TMI

I took a shower today. Yay! That felt very good. I was surprised that I was allowed to get it wet so soon, but I guess it's because there are steri-strips that will fall off when they are ready instead of stitches that have to be removed by the doctor. After the shower, Mark and I walked to the stop sign at the end of our street and back. Before surgery that was just the beginning of my walks. Now I was thankful I got that far and back. It's about three-tenths of a mile, maybe a bit less. Tomorrow it's going to rain, so I don't know if I'll get to go out. One reason that I really wanted to get out and walk is the problem with constipation. They warned me that I needed to have something happen within 36 hours or I should call them. I guess I'm not behaving so well because it's now well past that. I have taken stool softeners yesterday and this morning; last night and this morning I also took a laxative. I have been drinking water and decaf tea and diet sprite. I have not eaten anything with fiber, but for lunch today I plan to have some soup with fiber in it. I'm no longer taking the percocets because I know they can cause constipation. And I walked. If nothing happens by 2 p.m., I'll call the doctor because it will be 48 hours at that point.

Good news/Bad news

Hm...it's now the afternoon after the surgery. The good news is that it went remarkably well, much better than I ever would have believed. The clinic was running behind schedule, so my noon surgery turned into a 1 p.m. surgery, but I was still leaving the clinic at 4:30. We stopped at the store for a pain med prescription, soup, and crackers for dinner and still got in the house by 5:30 p.m. Not bad at all. I did all that I was supposed to do: ice on and off every 20 minutes until I went to bed; pain meds staggered, 800 mg ibuprofen then three hours later a percocet then back to ibuprofen, etc. That seemed to work really well. I had a lot of local anaesthetic injected into the wound site, so that made it very easy to get in the car and get home. I didn't feel any soreness or discomfort in the surgery site until today when clearly the locals are worn off. The percocet and ibuprofen combo is keeping the pain to a minimum. It's all good.

The other good news is that the doctor only had to make one cut. He had planned to do an upside down T, but he didn't need the cross-bar part after all. He only made one long incision and was able to reach in and do both hernias through the same incision. He said that would make the recovery smoother. I'm sure he's right.

Now for the bad news. I GAINED NINE POUNDS yesterday. I got up yesterday and was 220 (yay for hitting that goal for surgery) and got up this morning at 229. (boo hiss) I would not even think that is possible because I only ate 750 calories yesterday in soup and crackers. I had a good week where I averaged 1150 each day of the week, and yet Tuesday is the day to write down my weight, so sadly I had to write down a big gain for the week. Sniff. So sad. When the doctor's nurse called to follow up today, I mentioned it to her. She actually laughed and said, "Well, we did pump a lot of fluids into you yesterday." She said it could take two weeks for the fluid to all leave. Sniff again. Still, I will look forward to that.

The other bad news, and I know this is petty, is that I took the big bandage off today and got a look at the new scar. I cannot really see my belly button without a mirror, but Mark was looking. He said I now have an "outy." Hm....I always had an "inny" until the hernia bulged out. I kind of thought it would all get pushed back in, but in fairness, the doctor did say he was going to have to rebuild the belly button. Maybe I should have asked for an "inny." Oh, well....too late now!

Hitting another milestone

This morning I hit 220, 219.6 to be exact. I had set 220 as the goal for the surgery once I knew it would be in the fall instead of February, so I'm pretty excited. I hope it's enough. I have done a lot of reading on incisional hernia repairs, and all the articles say a person should be of normal weight. Even though I've now lost 102 pounds, I am nowhere near the normal weight for my 5'2" frame. I hope it's enough. I'm sure it was the best I could do in the amount of time I had.

I am missing my morning coffee right now, that's for sure! Nothing to eat or drink after midnight on the day of surgery is standard procedure.

I have packed two bags. One little plastic bag contains a long-sleeved, mid-calf length stretchy lounger in a pretty red and black pattern that I bought at Kohl's. It looks enough like a dress and has enough thickness and warmth to it that I think I can wear it home this evening if indeed they do send me home. I don't want to try to put anything with an elastic waistband over the incision site today. The other bag contains things in case they keep me overnight: a new, pale blue, long-sleeved, floor length, flannel nightgown; a new zip-up soft, fuzzy bathrobe; a puzzle book courtesy of one of my co-workers; a pen; a book on the building of the Panama Canal courtesy of my school's library; a paperback mystery novel; a ziplok bag of my usual night time pills; and a ziplok with my toothbrush and toothpaste. I plan to leave this bag in the car. If they move me to the hospital, Mark can go out and get it.

I was very happy that my son came to have dinner with us last night. He brought his camera so we could see the pictures he took last summer when he drove across country and back. He had many beautiful pictures of the Outer Banks in North Carolina, Smokey Mountains, deserts, the Hoover Dam, Las Vegas, Southern California, the Pacific Ocean, Sequoia National Park, San Francisco, salt flats and the Great Salt Lake, Nebraska plains, etc. What an incredible drive!! I give him a lot of credit. I would never have the courage to attempt a trip that long on my own. I am always so proud of him.

We ended up staying home and eating the delicious vegetarian chili that Mark cooked from the Hungry Girl cookbook. I only ate one cup of it and two large plates of salad with grated, fat-free parmesan cheese sprinkled on it. I also allowed myself to eat an entire challah roll with fat-free margarine. Yummy! Lowell had his chili over spaghetti, but Mark and I ate it straight from a bowl. It was very spicy! Later we had coffee and Hungry Girl Peach pie, 80 calories for one-eighth of the pie. It was really, really delicious. At 10:30 I ate my usual banana, took my nighttime pills, drank a little water, and called it a day. My total calories for yesterday were 1530. I think that was a very good number considering I did walk 5k after all.

I do not expect to be blogging anymore today or maybe even tomorrow. If all goes according to plan, I should be ready to think about blogging again by Wednesday. I have enjoyed writing these posts for the last few weeks. I'll be looking forward to getting back to it. It's a nice release for me to write about my weight loss and my fear of this surgery. After today, the surgery will be behind me and I can write about the recovery from it. I'll need to find the strength to stay focused on losing another 50 pounds and on getting back to walking. This time my motivation will be the Cabaret Showcase at the synagogue on January 30, 2010 and leaving for the big vacation on March 2. I hope those events are as motivating as this surgery has been.

Time to close down now for awhile. Thanks to everyone who called and emailed to wish me well. It's wonderful knowing that I have so much love and support in my corner.