Show was GREAT!! Also a night of Murphy's Laws.

Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Yesterday was a perfect example of that law in action! First of all the weather. OY. Two weeks ago the long range forecast was sunny. The closer the date got, the worse the forecast sounded: sunny, cloudy, snow showers, light snow, moderate snow, storm warnings. OY. Then it started to snow, and snow, and snow some more. Places that weren't supposed to get any got dumped on. It was a mess.

So the whole day was filled with fielding phone calls: on or off? will we or won't we? We had out of town guests from Buffalo, NY; Philadephia, PA; East Brunswick, NJ; and Boston, Mass. They were already here and not able to return any other time. So we made the hard call of going on with the show. About 90 of the total 163 people did make it to the show. Thanks to all of you who may read this blog and know that you slogged out there in the nasty weather to get to the show. You were truly appreciated.

Because the road conditions were so poor, we started out early. It was a slow and torturous ride, but we made it safely. Then the rest of Murphy's Law kicked in. I forgot to bring my makeup and my jewelry. NO going back, even though our friends volunteered to go back. It was just not safe. The Sisterhood gift shop loaned me necklaces to wear! I also had mascara from the show's producer and lipstick (which doubled as blush) from the pianist. Yay!!!

Next my son, the lead guitarist on four songs and solo singer on another, couldn't make it. The roads in Baltimore were just too slick. Then the bass guitarist couldn't make it. Ditto for his reasons. OK. We went on with drums and piano just fine, but I missed the depth of sound of the guitars, and I really, really missed performing with my son for the first time.

Then the pianist came in and realized she had forgotten her music! ALL of her music!! YIKES. The drummer had his copies, so we had the synagogue office opened up, and the pianist and her friend madly copied all of the music from the drummer's set. Then she realized that the drummer had one of the songs in a different key than I'm supposed to sing in because she had transposed it by hand for herself and the guitarist. OY. She did it by heart/ear/brain/fingers/muscle memory, SOMEHOW! She managed to play in the right key. Yay!!! Right before one of the songs, she's whispering to me, "Psst....this copy of the song has a different introduction. Just warning you." Ha! Ha! We love you, Murphy. You're such a fun guy, whoever you are!

Despite ALL of this, the show was a huge success. Everyone who attended ate a delicious dinner and enjoyed an entertaining evening. I hope the Sisterhood made some money after all.

The best news is that we are going to do it again. The precise date and time are not determined, but it's looking to be very, very soon. If you are reading this and missed the show, then all is not lost. You will get a second chance.

Now I'm off to see a movie and get some relaxation for myself!!

PS. I weighed 209 walking out onto the stage. One pound under my revised goal of 210. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.

It's HERE!!!

The big day has finally arrived. I'm scared and nervous.

I enjoyed the Tu B'Shevat seder at our house last night, but I was afraid to talk or sing. My voice seemed very precarious all day. Last night, Mark kept the heat up to 68 degrees all night, and I took a very long, hot shower before bed. The extra moisture in the area from the shower helped, I'm sure. I do feel a little more like myself this morning. I slept very well all night. These are all good things.

Soon I'm going to get in the shower this morning and trying warming up the voice in there. It's the best place for such things because of the nice steam and the resonant walls. If it goes well in there this morning, then I'll do a more official warmup later in the day. I spent every free minute yesterday reviewing all the words in my head to all the songs. Oy, I'm feeling those butterflies fluttering already. I'll get back to you later about how my hair looks!

Bad night. Getting sick?

I was so tired last evening that I was falling asleep watching TV before 10 p.m. I decided to go to bed at 10 instead of my usual 11. I'm sure I was sound asleep by 10:30, but I didn't stay that way long. At 2:30 a.m. I started to get a coughing fit. Panic time! Coughing is the WORST thing for a voice, and the show is tomorrow night. I can't afford to get sick NOW!!! I got up to drink some water and try to get the cough to settle down. Hydration is the best thing for the throat, and our air is so very dry at night; plus we keep it at 62 degrees over night. After I calmed down and had a glass of water, I climbed back into the warm bed, but I could NOT sleep. I sang all the songs for the whole show in my head. At 3:50 a.m. I just gave up and got up. I made a hot cup of herbal honey lemon chamomile tea and added real honey to it. I checked my email and read my Kindle. After that cup of tea, I made another one. By the time I finished the second cup of tea, I felt sleepy and just fell asleep sitting up in the living room chair. I was bundled up in socks, flannel nightgown, giant bathrobe, and even gloves because it felt so cold in the living room. I heard Mark rattling around at about 7 a.m. and just got up. At least I did sleep for two hours between 5 and 7 a.m. That was just weird because I'm usually a good sleeper.

Now that the day is progressing I'm desperately trying to stay hydrated and not talk too much. I took a personal business day from school in order to do some last minute errands for the show tomorrow and to prepare the house for the four people coming tonight for dinner and a weekend sleepover! I feel that I want to cough all the time, and when I do talk, it doesn't feel quite right. Please, please, please just let my voice stay in there until after tomorrow night! I don't care how sick or hoarse I am after tomorrow night, but I have to get through this show. Can you feel the panic in this post?

Dress Rehearsal!!

Tonight is the dress rehearsal for the Cabaret. Wow, it's finally here. It's looking like the snow might not be too much, staying more to the south, so we should be able to get through the show. It will be frigidly cold all weekend, but that might make it a bit more pleasant in the building! I'm actually nervous about getting through tonight, for some reason. I'm sitting at the computer this afternoon with wildly flopping butterflies dancing in my gut. I bet it will be worse on Saturday!

Boo Hoo

Today I was 208 when I woke up. That was good. I took a 67 minute walk up to Target to buy a few things, then over to Subway to pick up a salad, and then home to eat the salad. All good news. The Boo Hoo is because I've also known in the back of my mind since around Christmas time that I had another hernia. Today I went to the doctor to have the self-diagnosis confirmed. Yup. It's a hernia, and it seems to be right between where the other two were. The family practice doctor couldn't say for sure if it was part of one of the old ones or a new one in between. The result is the same: go back to the surgeon ASAP. He scared me so much back in April about going on the big cruise to Hawaii with the hernias. He said I should not do it. Now I don't know what to do. I will call his office tomorrow and try to get an appointment Thursday or Friday. If it needs surgery, then I guess he'll just have to try to fast track me into it so I can recover by March 2. I'm on that train and then on the cruise no matter what!

This is just not what I need right now. There is too much on my plate, figuratively. The dress rehearsal for the show is tomorrow night; the house is full of packed and empty boxes, so much that there's barely a path to walk or a chair to sit in; four people are coming Friday night to sleep over for the weekend for the show; a snow storm is predicted which could affect people traveling and whether or not we have the show; there's so much stuff in the house to move into the POD starting Monday and I can't lift it. How can Mark and I do this, and get the house ready to sell, and get ready to go away? I'm getting scared and depressed, and usually that leads to overeating! Eating is my way of dealing with stress, and I'm feeling very stressed. I need to breathe deeply and focus on what I can accomplish, not what I can't. I need to think about what I can control, and what I can't. OY! I'm not good at that!

Hit the Goal!

Last week I gained four pounds and recognized that I could not hit my goal of weighing 200 pounds by January 30 for the Cabaret show; therefore, I set a new goal for myself of 210 for the show! Well, I passed it already. This morning is Tuesday, weigh-in morning, and I weighed 208!!!! I lost 9.8 pounds this week. Wow! It just proves that keeping the calories in the 1200 range and moving around almost every day of the week DOES WORK!! My new total pounds lost is 114.

Last night we had our Tech Rehearsal for the show. That provided quite a work-out! I worked for 50 minutes just hauling 9 loads of stuff in from my car in the pouring rain and then clearing the bima to turn it into a stage. After a break of about 45 minutes while the tech guy worked his magic setting up mikes and sound equipment, we started the show. Each act took about an hour plus some cleanup. Whooeee! I was excited and full of adrenalin when we got home, so much so that Mark and I sat up until way after midnight talking over what went right or wrong and creating a list of things to do before and during the show to make it go smoothly. I bet I expended hundreds of extra calories last night. Every muscle in my body just ached. I had a real hard time falling asleep, but I was happy.

Now the only problem is the weather. A few days ago when I started looking at long-range forecasts, Friday and Saturday looked sunny. Two days ago the words "snow showers" were up there. Yesterday they said "snow," and this morning the forecaster said "moderate snow." This could be a serious problem. We have guests from Buffalo driving down here all day Friday and guests from New Jersey driving on Saturday. My daughter and her boyfriend are flying down from Boston Friday night, so we need to drive up to the airport at 9:30 p.m. to pick them up. Then there's the show Saturday night! Oh, please, please, please, pray for good weather Friday and Saturday. We have an alternate date for the following Saturday, but it would be so anti-climactic. We are ready NOW and I just want to get it done!

Rehearsing like mad

Today I went through the whole show, including all the talking between songs, while Mark was at the synagogue teaching his class. It went pretty well, and I felt in good voice. Wow, it's less than a week away now, and 150 people are coming. That's just mind-boggling.

I was a good girl at Mah Jongg yesterday. I allowed myself 500 calories, and I think I was close. I had a plate of tossed salad that included a few bits of cut-up apple and 7 croutons. I also had one English muffin with about 3/4 of a cup of tuna salad on it. The tuna salad was homemade by my Mahj friend using low fat mayo and water-packed tuna. That was all I had even though the other ladies chowed down on giant slices of blueberry muffins. I abstained from the muffins. I also was the only player not to win any games. Sigh.

I'm currently killing time at the computer while my lunch is cooking. I made a homemade vegetable soup using a can of green beans, about 5 baby carrots cut up, 1/4 of a raw onion chopped, a small can of mushroom stems and pieces, one stalk of celery cut up, 1/4 cup of instant rice, and some spices (garlic powder, onion powder, Mrs. Dash's seasoning, black pepper, and a dash of red pepper flakes). I have no idea how it will taste because I never made anything like it before, but it looked good going into the microwave. I am estimating the calories this way:
can of green beans 70
can of mushrooms 20
onion and celery 15
carrots 35
rice 100
Total: 240
With that I plan to eat a can of tuna fish in water for another 100 calories.

So lunch is 340 today; breakfast was 350 (3 of Mark's lo-carb pancakes at 190 and 4 links at 160). Later, dinner will be Hungry Girl French Toast, green beans, and salad with parmesan cheese for a total of 470. My usual 10 p.m. banana and two sugar-free popsicles will round out the day with another 140 calories. Today's grand total: 1300. That's a good day!

A New Low

Yes, I hit a new low today, and that's in a good way. I know it's not Tuesday, but the scale is still there, so I couldn't resist getting on. I was stunned! I stared at it for a long time: 210.8!!!! That's SEVEN pounds off since Tuesday. I guess there was a lot of water retention; I certainly kept my calories in check; I also walked a good bit. When you do the right things, there is a reward at the end. My new goal is 210 for the show next Saturday. If I keep doing the right things, I may even get a bit below that.

Today has a big challenge: Mah Jongg. I haven't played for awhile, but today after synagogue services, I'm going to go play. I have up to 500 calories budgeted for the luncheon part of the afternoon, so I'll let you know if I stick to the plan and if I win any games.

Virgin Hair

Last night I had an appointment at a local hair salon to get my hair cut and dyed. That was a big step for me since I had never had my hair colored before. It got rid of the gray alright, but the color is a bit darker than I anticipated. Lots of people at work seemed to like it, even kids commented on it. I got nothing but positive feedback, so I guess it is a good thing. Maybe I'll do it again some day. It definitely makes me feel younger, plus my weight was only 213 this morning, so I'm going back down again. I hope I can keep going in that direction and hit my goal of 210 by next Saturday for the show. Wish me luck!

Binge Eating Disorder

I have been doing some reading on this topic, and I'm convinced that this is my problem. I did a lot of reading in some books in the school library today, mostly geared towards teenagers, and then I looked at a few websites tonight. This one, http://www.helpguide.org/mental/binge_eating_disorder.htm, has quite a good description of the disorder:

"Binge eating disorder is characterized by compulsive overeating in which people consume huge amounts of food while feeling out of control and powerless to stop. A binge eating episode typically lasts around two hours, but some people binge on and off all day long. Binge eaters often eat even when they’re not hungry and continue eating long after they’re full."

Well, that's totally me. Many times I have started eating and just kept going and going, like the Energizer bunny. I eat far beyond feeling full. I eat without tasting it. I eat until I'm almost numb. I often would fall asleep afterwards because of the high sugar/carbohydrate content.

Here's a list of behavioral symptoms from this website, and except for the last one, they are all true of me:

• Inability to stop eating or control what you’re eating
• Rapidly eating large amounts of food
• Eating even when you’re full
• Hiding or stockpiling food to eat later in secret
• Eating normally around others, but gorging when you’re alone
• Eating continuously throughout the day, with no planned mealtimes

Most of the literature says that this is a disorder that has not been studied as much or for as long as the usual eating disorders of anorexia nervosa and bulimia, but that it may be very widespread. It is also difficult to control. Wow, so true! Most of the case studies that I read were people like me who had dealt with it for decades. They also made the same sorts of references to alcoholism that I have made for years. Overaters Anonymous is one organization that is set up to help people with this. They follow the same sort of 12 step program that Alcoholics Anonymous does. I looked at their website today also. I probably should join, but since I will be on vacation and in the process of moving, it doesn't seem like a good time to join. I think I will seriously consider it when we get settled in Florida. Fighting a food addiction one day at a time is the same as fighting any other addiciton, and the more support systems a person has in place, the higher his chance of success becomes.

I have added a link to Overeaters Anonymous and the Help Guide for Binge Eating Disorder on the side of this blog for anyone who may wish to explore it further.

The ONE YEAR anniversary!

It's been exactly a year today since I decided to get serious about losing weight. Apparently this time I meant it. I also went down a bit since yesterday morning, which was lovely to see. So last year on this day, which was President Obama's Inauguration day, I weighed in at 317 pounds (my heaviest of 322 was an earlier date), and this morning I was 215 pounds, a loss of 102 pounds for the year. I'll take that! Marking from my heaviest weight of 322, I'm down 107, even better. Today I walked 2.3 miles in 52 minutes, and my calories have been perfect, so far. I hope I can go to bed tonight knowing that I stuck to the plan one more day.

I know that I cannot reach my goal of weighing 200 for the show on January 30 since it's only 10 days away. That's sad, too, because I was so close to reaching it. I had hit 211 not that long ago when there would have been time to lose the last 11. Sigh. So now my new goal is to hit 210 for the show. I know that it is attainable. Then I'll shoot for 200 by March 2 when we leave on our big trip. Oooeee, I'd love to be 200 by then! At that point, I will have only 25 pounds to go, and if it takes another year to do that, well, then so be it. I still feel confident that I will get there eventually.

Nothing good to report

It's Tuesday; time to weigh-in. This week was not a good one. I weighed in at 217.8 this morning which is just awful, a gain of 4.1 pounds. I have been in the teens for nine weeks. This is the ninth time in the last year that I had to write down a gain, and it's the third highest gain in the past year. I'm definitely going in the wrong direction. Having said that, I did walk up from the first floor to the third floor at school today three times, and I walked down the stairs every time. I also spent nearly ninety minutes on my feet this evening packing the good china into boxes. We signed a contract tonight with the handyman who will coordinate the painting of the house. He and his crew will come here on February 15 to start. That means we must have the place fairly emptied out by then. It's a lot to do. At least I ate right today. Maybe tomorrow I'll be down a tiny bit. I have to stay focused for the next 12 days or I won't fit into my dresses, especially the teal one shown in the slide presentation at the top of this page. It was tight in that picture when I weighed in at 212.

Another rehearsal

Today Mark and I rehearsed with the accompanist and the drummer for the Cabaret Showcase scheduled for January 30. It went pretty well although both of us still have memory glitches. The show is less than two weeks away. It's exciting! Then I went to my Mary Kay lady, who is also a good friend. She helped me learn how to do "glamour" makeup. That was fun and I bought a lot of beautiful new things. I was going to have my makeup done at a salon the afternoon of the show, but now I think I'll do it myself with my friend's help. She is willing to come backstage and assist, so why not. I already have all the stuff I need! I didn't get any exercise in today, so I'm hoping that nearly three hours rehearsing counts. Mark is out in the kitchen right now serving up another delicious Hungry Girl recipe, so I'm going to have a great dinner. I hope to stay focused and on track with diet and exercise for the next two weeks leading up to the show. Sadly I know that I cannot possibly reach my goal of weighing 200 by showtime, but I'm hoping for 210 now. That's pretty close. Thursday of this week is the exact one year point from getting serious about dieting. I think I should be able to say that I've lost a bit over 100 pounds in that year. Not too shabby.

And the winner is...

ME! I won two years in a row. Amazing, and unexpected. It was a blast, and I think everyone had a great time. I certainly ate way too much, but I sent all the food out at the end so nothing is left over. I think this will be the last one, unless the crowd was serious when they said they'd come to Florida next year. We'll see!

The End of an Era--15 Years.

Today is an historic day-- the last Silverstein Family Pentathlon, running annually on or near MLK Day for 15 years. It started out back in 1996 as an article Mark read in Family Fun Magazine: five games, five snacks, special rules. Mark decided to play the five games that first year with the two kids because I was going to be gone all day at school at a special rehearsal for the musical, building sets and making costumes. Evey turned out to be the big winner that year, and the winner gets to pick a restaurant for dinner at some future date. Evey, age 11, picked pizza and ice cream for the dinner. Over the years, Evey won 3 times; Lowell won twice; Mark won 3 times; my step-sister Cindy won once; and I have been the big winner overall with FIVE wins, including last year. So far only Evey has won two years in a row, back in 2003 and 2004. Maybe I'll tie that record with a win this afternoon.

At the first game in 1996, there were just three players: Mark, Evey, and Lowell. For the next 10 years, it was the four Silversteins. Beginning in 2007, we had to get more creative. At that point Evey and Lowell were no longer available or interested in playing, so in 2007, Mark and I invited 11 year old Emily, the daughter of friends, to play with us because they needed a baby-sitter that particular day. So it was back to just three players that year. The next year, we extended the invitation to my step-sister Cindy and my sister-in-law Denise. That was a great year, and Cindy won! Last year, for the first time ever, we had so many people asking to play that we had to expand to two tables of games. At one table was Mark, Denise, my nephew Logan, and Denise's neighbor Ava. At the other table was Emily, now aged 13, Cindy, her boyfriend Ken, and me. Each table declared a winner and the overall winner, ME, had the most grand total points of all 8 people. It was great.

This year, Mark was hoping the whole thing would just go away. He's very much finished with the Pentathlon, but I wasn't and neither were some of the others. In fact Cindy and Ken started asking about it back in December! So we have recruited 8 participants for today: Cindy, Ken, Denise, Logan, Mark, me, and new-to-the-games, our good friends Saul and Phyllis. Still, I have conceded to Mark that this will be the last one. If our plans work out, we should be living in a new house in Poinciana, Florida by this time next year. At that point the pentathlon will become a thing of the past.

Each player gets to assume a persona and mascot, much like professional wrestlers. Both Mark and Lowell were into wrestling over the years, so maybe that's how it got started. Mascots and names are definitely not in the original rules. Mark has been "Snake" for the last 15 years and brings a stuffed snake to the table. Evey was "Cat Princess." Lowell was "Air IBC," and I have always been "Mad Dog Mom." When Cindy came the first time, she announced she would be the "Queen of Scotland," so she wore a crown from Medieval Times. Denise brought her favorite rubber bat and played as "Batty." We create a special score sheet with drawings of these mascots at the top along with the names. I have even saved all these score sheets in the bag with the games. I can't wait to hear what the mascots will be for the other players today. Logan and Ken are returning this year, but the mascot thing caught them unawares last year, so I think they might be bringing a new persona this year. I warned Saul and Phyllis last night to come prepared!

The games are Dice, Dominoes, Pick-Up Sticks, Monopoly, and Scrabble. Each game has special rules, time limits, and scoring. The winner of any individual game may not be the big winner overall; scores are tallied at the end for a grand total. In fact, the first year when Evey won, she had not won a single individual game, yet she had the highest grand total at the end.

More importantly, each game comes with special snacks to match. Dice has sugar cubes in tea. The sugar cubes are often decorated with food coloring dots to look like dice, but lately we have skipped that part. Dominoes is played while eating graham crackers covered in peanut butter with chocolate chips arranged on them to look like dominoes. This is often everyone's favorite snack. Pick-Up Sticks uses stick-shaped items like Pixie Stix, Twizzlers, and Pretzel Sticks. During Monopoly we eat chocolate gold coins. Scrabble includes a trail mix type snack bowl with M&M's, Cheerios, Peanuts, Raisins, and Gummy Alphabet letters in the initials of all the participants. This letter-filled snack bowl used to look better when there was still Alpha-Bits cereal on the market. We're not sure why it is gone, but Cheerios have become our substitute.

Last year I was already on my diet at this time. It's been a year! Wow! I looked back at the food log and noticed that I ate 1,100 calories of snack foods during the game plus three meals. Hm...it was definitely not a low-calorie day. At this point I have already consumed a breakfast of 350 calories. Dinner will be a Hungry Girl French Toast recipe with green beans, about 400 calories. So even without a lunch, my day will easily have 1750 calories in it, mostly snacks. Oh, well...it's the last of the Silverstein Family Pentathlons. I'm just going to relax, enjoy myself, and try my best to be the winner two years in a row! Go Mad Dog Mom!!

Walking and Waffling Weight

I haven't written for a few days because I didn't have anything to say. My weight is fluctuating up and down the same three or four pounds. I'm actually up 6 from my lowest, so that's not too good. I am up to my ears, literally, in full and empty boxes in preparing for painting and moving. It's hard to move around the house right now! Today the weather was fairly mild, so Mark and I walked around the Laurel Lake. We set a new personal best: four times around. That's 3.6 miles, and it took an hour and twenty-two minutes. Then I came home, ate too much ,and sat in the living room reading and sleeping the rest of the day. Sigh. Tonight I'm going out to Applebee's with friends. At least they have a Weight Watcher's meal there of Lime Tilapia with baked potato and brocooli. It's delicious and not too high in calories. When we get back, I'm going to watch the Ravens/Colts play-off game. That's pretty exciting!

A New Record

After school today I set a new record for myself in walking the mall, four times around in one hour 16 minutes. I have never walked that far before all at one time. I could go further except for the sciatica kicking in. My right leg got quite numb with shooting pains, making me happy to quit. I have a rehearsal at the synagogue tonight for the first act of the Cabaret show coming up in just two and a half weeks. Also the house is loaded from top to bottom in empty and filled boxes. I have discovered lots of things I never knew I had!

To Boston and Back

Sunday we drove up to Boston, and Monday we drove back. Whew! Fortunately it went very smoothly in both directions. Evey is moved into her new dorm room, which is truly beautiful with a fantastic view of Boston. She is very lucky. Eric's parents were there and helped us move Evey in so fast it made our heads swim. Thanks so much to them!

We ate out Sunday lunch at a great place in Sturbridge, MA on the way up plus a fabulous dinner at the Freeport Tavern in Boston with Evey and Eric. Sigh...the food was all too good and way too much of it. I had nearly 4000 calories on Sunday and very little exercise. Today was a bit better, but it's still going to be about 2200 calories for the day because I ate too much at the hotel breakfast. Tomorrow is weigh-in day, so I'll report back tomorrow afternoon.

Sad news. My Aunt Elsie passed away over the weekend at age 90. I'm glad I got to go see her three times in the nursing home in the month of December. I meant to go again tomorrow, but I'll just go visit my cousin Irene instead. Elsie will be cremated and later in the spring her ashes will be buried in Cumberland next to two of her sisters: my mother, Ruth; and Irene's mother, Jean.

Wii Workout

Mark, Evey, and I did the Wii workout this afternoon. We did a short warm-up routine and a 23 minute light workout routine. It was fun, but I can't get on the floor yet. I'm not sure I got the full benefit of some of the exercises. Still it's kind of fun, especially with Mark and Evey alongside me. When I set it up, it asks your height, age, current weight, and goal weight. It was nice to see that I'm only 39 pounds from my goal. I also had to pick a time frame. I really only have 7 weeks until we leave on the vacation, so I picked the 8 week plan. It told me that I can lose 26 pounds in that amount of time. I'm not sure I believe that. I really think that two pounds a week would give me only 14 pounds, but I'd be happy with that at this point. We'll see. It also said that my calorie intake for maintenance should be 1717. That's good to know. If I eat around 1200 calories a day, the amount I strive for each day, I have a 500 calorie deficit. That's a good amount for slow, steady weight loss. Yesterday I ate 1380 calories; today looks like 1330. Not as good as 1200, but it will still produce slow, steady loss.

Wii Fitness

We got a Wii game console for a Hanukkah present, and today Evey showed me how to use it. It's amazing. Mark also got me the Biggest Loser game for it for our anniversary. It's amazing. I set it up for my self with height, weight, fitness goals, etc. Now it expects me to log in everyday and do the work-out routine. Ooo...I bet if I skip a day Jillian will yell at me!

Monster Migraine

I got an ocular migraine yesterday morning and work, and now tonight I got another one around 7:30 p.m. UGH. This one is leaving me feeling completely wasted and with a monster headache.

On the plus side, Evey and I got her rabbit moved into another room. That was a goal we set to hit by the end of the week, and we did it. We are proud of ourselves. Evey was also very hard-working today because she got her car entirely loaded up with all of her things to go to Boston on Sunday. And the team from Bye-Bye Crazy came to our house to look over all of our junk. They will call us with an estimate of what they can do to take stuff off our hands. I'm excited.

Big rehearsal tonight.

I just got back from the first rehearsal for the Cabaret Showcase at Mishkan Torah. Wow, the percussionist, bass player, harmonica player, pianist, and my son on guitar are all so amazing. They really make Mark and me sound better! It's also fun to sing a song with the whole family. One of my friends made two little videos to put on the website. The link to the videos is http://www.mishkantorahsynagogue.org/cabaret-dinner-and-show. I hope you can click on this and go straight there. If not, just copy and paste into your browser. There's only one more week to get your reservations in.

Loved my ipod and Eschewed the cookies!

OK, that's ESCHEWED, not CHEWED. Yes, the faculty room was presented with three big containers of homemade cookies and chocolate candies this morning. What a way to start your day, and they stayed there ALL DAY! At 2:30 the chocolates were all gone, but there were still quite a few cookies. BUT I was a VERY GOOD girl, and I eschewed (that means avoided or shunned) eating any of it. Yeah, baby!

Today was the first day that I walked the mall with my new iPod. It was awesome! I have so many songs, so I just let it randomize them. I had no idea what was coming up next, but it was all good! I walked two times around in just under 40 minutes. I couldn't do three because I didn't have my real walking shoes on. Oh, well...

Also Freecycle works! It's an organization that allows people in close proximity to each other to give away stuff. I just gave away my 1973 set of Encyclopedia Brittanica, all 24 volumes plus index. Now they have a new home with two little girls to use them in the future. I also found a lot of boxes being given away at my school. I came home with nine more boxes today to load up more books and stuff. Wow, the moving process has really begun.

Back to the routine.

It was back to school today; back to a routine. I went back to work, and it was good to see all my co-workers. I gave out the Christmas cards and presents that I didn't get to do before the holiday. It was so much fun to see everyone's reaction. I took them by surprise, which was a lovely feeling. I have spent the day doing the right things: eating well, walking three times around the mall track, working an hour to pack boxes at home. It's good to be back on a routine. I'm quite sure the weight on the scale will not be good tomorrow because last week I averaged 2500 calories a day, but whatever it is, I will get back to the routine. The routine works; the meal plan works; the exercise works. Stick to it and weight will come off again. I have to do this!

Indian food is yummy.

I went to an Indian buffet with two former co-workers today. Although I ate only vegetarian entrees, there were LOTS of them plus too much bread. I suspect I easily ate 1400 calories at the buffet, maybe more. The really naughty thing was the bread basket. They brought a hot bread basket and the three of us ate it quickly before going up to the buffet. Then no one said NO when they brought basket #2 and #3. I'm pretty sure that I ate most of the third basket by myself. If I ever go there again, I must say NO to the first bread basket. Of course, I really didn't need to go through the line a second time either, but I went because everyone else did and because I really wanted to eat more. On the plus side, I ate some really delicious, very spicy dishes that were just spectacular. At least the calories were worth it. Tomorrow I go back to work, and I'm probably not alone in looking forward to the routine for the sake of better eating habits. There's four weeks to "show time," and I need to fit into the dresses!

Going to the bull riding

It's really cold and windy, but in about half an hour Mark, Evey, and I are heading to Baltimore to the Professional Bull Riding show. We will meet Kip, Denise, and Logan since this is Denise's birthday present from us. I am looking forward to the show and the companionship but not the bitter cold weather. Tomorrow I will have lunch out with some former co-workers, and then it's back to work. I am actually looking forward to it because I have been pretty out of control for the last two weeks at home. I am hoping that getting back to the routine of work will straighten me out. Today I ate a lot of unnecessary things while I read and watched TV. Old habits die hard. I feel really stupid, but that's so common that it almost goes without saying.

5K New Years

Mark and I just came in from walking a 5K around our neighborhood. It was sunny and not too cold, so why not! I'm also proud of myself for walking and hour and ten minutes instead of my original plan: sitting in front of the TV to watch the Rose Bowl Parade. I'm pretty sure I made the right choice.

Time for Resolutions

On this day last year, I made the same New Year's Resolution that I make every year: lose weight. The difference is that I actually did it this year! So today, I am reaffirming that resolution because I'm not finished yet. I have not reached my ultimate goal weight of 175. In fact, I've been slowing down in the weight loss ever since the surgery on November 2. The fear of getting the weight off for that surgery worked like a charm to keep me motivated, and now I am having trouble keeping that motivation and commitment going. So this is the logical day to make the New Year's Resolution again so that in one year's time I can say, "Wow, I made it all the way!"

In thinking about last year, I looked back in my notebook where I keep my food journal. I remembered that I had written something to inspire me. I haven't read it for a year, so today I read it again and have decided to put it into the log to share with all of you. Here it is.

"January 5, 2009
I'm writing this in (teacher's name) English 11 class as the students write a 10 minute journal entry on New Year's Resolutions. It seemed appropriate for me to express some thoughts on the subject as well.

So many times in my 58 years I have started a diet, obsessed about my weight, written diet diaries, tracked my food, and FAILED at dieting. In many ways, this is just one more attempt.

If I was a depressed and unhappy person, if I was chronically bored or lonely, if I was under some physical, financial, or mental stress, perhaps my binge-eating could be explained, although not forgiven. None of those things are true, so it is completely baffling to me WHY I continue to overeat, slowly sabotage my health, and potentially shorten my life.

Perhaps I should give myself some credit for being able, once again, to start again. Perhaps this will be the time it works. Time will tell. I want to begin this time by listing all of my many, many blessings.

I am blessed because...
1. I have Mark! He brings me so much happiness that my heart sings.
2. I have Lowell and Evey! In my earlier years, I feared that I would not marry or have children. How wrong I was! Lowell and Evey are beautiful, wonderful adults. Mark, Lowell, and Evey are my rocks!
3. I have had a good career that has allowed me to retire with a decent income and move to this nice job at (school name).
4. I have so many wonderful people in my family and synagogue who love me and support me.
5. I have enough of everything I need: love, money, housing, health, hobbies.

These five things need to be in front of me every moment. I need to focus on the positive and fight my addiction one meal, one snack, one bite at a time.

Now I'm setting up new pages for each week's log. Good luck to me!"

That was last year. I hit 317 on January 20, 2009 (after putting weight on instead of taking it off), but this morning, I am about 216. So that's 101 pounds lost in the past 49 weeks. I wish it was more, in fact it HAD been more, but I know I have been cheating pretty consistently for the past few weeks. It's now time to put that cheating aside and get back on track. It's just about three weeks to the exact year point of last year's highest weight on January 20. I hope to drop some more by then so at least I have lost the 110 that I once had lost a few weeks ago. Bummer that I've regained 9 pounds, but it's also typical of my ongoing struggle.

It's also not the official weigh-in day, so I'm just guessing based on the bunny scale. By the way, I have been asked what the bunny scale is. It's an old scale that I used to use and gave to Evey. When she moved her things back home last spring, the old scale also came back and has been stored in the room where the bunny rabbit lives. So I just started calling it the bunny scale. It pretty consistently shows a weight about five or six pounds less than my regular digital scale.

So that's my retrospective look at where I was last year. I have come a long way in my weight loss journey. I've had my surgery and recovered. I'm looking forward to my show at the end of January, putting the house on the market, taking a big vacation, seeing my daughter graduate from college, and moving to Florida. Wow! The new year and the new decade will be full of wonderful things. I need to face all these changes at a healthy weight. I really believe that I will!

Happy New Year and a Happy, Healthy Future to everyone who may be reading this blog.

Happy New Year!!

It's 12:01 a.m., January 1, 2010. Happy New Year to all!! May we all see a healthy and happy 2010 and a bright new decade.