Nervous Nelly

Today was a very good day. Mark and I went to the synagogue in the morning and saw lots of our friends. Then we drove over to Goddard to see their production of Annie again. It was even better today than last Sunday's performance. There was also a much bigger audience. Mark and I got home around 5:30 p.m. We ate our Subway salads for dinner. I had bought them in advance yesterday afternoon, so they were waiting for us already. Then we cleaned the rabbit's cage from top to bottom, which it desperately needed. Now Mark is in the kitchen busily making a vegetarian chili for tomorrow night's dinner (Hungry Girl recipe, 120 calories per cup) and watching a Ghost Hunters show in honor of Halloween. I'm now starting to feel butterflies well up in my stomach. I can't help it. I'm getting nervous about Monday's surgery. I spent several hours last night reading about incisional hernia repair, the differences in recovery between open absominal surgery (my kind) and laparoscopy, the various complications that can occur, etc. I know I shouldn't do that because most of those complications don't occur and most likely won't occur to me on Monday, but they make my mind race and get me nervous. Jeez. I need to relax.

"The withered leaves collect at my feet..."

In case you don't recognize that title, it's from the song "Memory" from the musical Cats. I took a walk on a new route through my neighborhood this afternoon. There's nothing like a walk in the late afternoon in the fall with a cold, crisp feel to the air and crunchy leaves beneath your feet. It was fun. I didn't walk too fast, but it was pleasant. I covered 1.75 miles in 42 minutes, so not really fast, but still nice. I'm preparing for a wonderful weekend because my surgery is Monday at noon. This whole weight loss process has been to facilitate the surgery, so getting a few walks in this weekend are important. I don't think I'll be taking any really long walks next week.

What do you think?

Any comments on the new look?

The Mighty Migraine

This is the fourth one this month. Ouch. In fact it began around 9:10 a.m. with the usual bright white jagged line and by 10:10 a.m., I had had enough of being at work. I was sitting in my classroom when the jagged white line left my field of vision, but in its place was a pounding headache, nausea, and the feeling that I wanted to keep my eyes closed. It seemed a little embarrassing and rude to keep my eyes closed in the classroom. I didn't want the kids or the teacher to think I was sleeping in class, so I got up and signed out and went home. I got in the car at 10:30 and just sat with my eyes closed for awhile. I couldn't face driving the twenty-three minutes to get home right away. I called Mark on the phone to let him know what I was doing, then I pulled out about 10:40. I got home shortly after only to find my cleaning lady was there today instead of tomorrow. Oops. So I explained to her what was happening, and she was very understanding. I didn't feel like talking; I felt like curling up in the fetal position in a darkened room. Now it's 1:35 p.m. and I do feel better. I slept for awhile and then ate the Subway double turkey salad that Mark brought home for me. Ironically my RealAge.com daily email today was on headaches and identifying the type of headache. I just took their quiz. Gee whiz! What a surprise! It said there was an 80% chance that my headache was a migraine. My doctor has already said that! What is unusual today is that it is the fourth time this month, the length of it, and the amount of pain, light sensitivity, and nausea. I really don't need this right now.

Yes, he did!!

Somehow I just KNEW that after I went to work today, my husband would hide the bathroom scale. Yes, he did hide the scale. He had been bringing the scale out Monday nights so that I could check Tuesday morning. Then he would hide it after I went to work on Tuesday. This is because I asked him to do it when I started this journey back in January. I know myself, and I have learned that I will hop on and off that scale 10 times every morning and worry about it all day. Weight Watchers always says to weigh only once a week, so I have been doing that. It's probably a good thing. Lately, he was lax at hiding it, so this week, I've been back to my old tricks and hopping on and off 10 times every morning. That's all well and good as long as I get a lower number every day. Saturday I hit 222, so I announced that I was down 100 pounds. Whoee! Sunday I was 221, so I told people at work that I was down 101 pounds. Double Whoeee!! Then Tuesday I was 222 again and this morning I was 224. AAAGGGHHH!! I pushed the scale around the floor and managed to make it go up to 225 then 226 before I found the exact spot to make it say 224 again. AAGGGHHH!! My old habits are sooooo hard to break. Then I whined to my husband about gaining weight even though my calories are perfect and life is SO UNFAIR!! Whine, whine, whine. So I knew he was going to hide that scale today. Yes, he did. He's also right. I had eaten a frozen Lean Cuisine dinner last night, probably full of sodium. I had eaten more parmesan cheese than I expected (so I didn't eat the banana and popsicles that I had planned to eat), but the cheese has salt as the second ingredient. It's probably just water retention and the extra pounds will be gone soon, but he knows what I'm like. He knows how I can get. So he hid the scale. Yes, he did. And that's only one of the many reasons I love this man so much! Thanks, Mark, for hiding the scale today.

the new suit

Yesterday my new bathing suit arrived in the mail. I ordered a two piece so that I could get the top and bottom in two different sizes. It's ok, not great, but at least it fits. So today I planned to go to the indoor pool at our fitness center, but I didn't pack my bag this morning to go there straight from work. Now I'm home, and it's cold and rainy outside, and I'm tired, and I'm unmotivated. UGH. I'm really not interested in driving 20 minutes to go get in a cold pool. I have not been swimming in this pool since last spring, and I'm certainly not going to be going swimming any time soon after the surgery on Monday. Hm...maybe Thursday?

Writing it down

I know that I already said that I write down everything I eat. That is a tried and true technique which I first learned at Weight Watchers back in the '80s when I was marking off the exchanges. Now I write down calories. I don't write down the carbs, fats, proteins, or anything else, just calories. The thing I forgot to say in that earlier post is that I do not write down what I eat AFTER I eat it. I write everything I am going to eat down BEFORE I eat it. In fact, I write down the whole day's plan the night before. For instance, last night I wrote down the following:
Breakfast: the usual 210 (3 Morningstar links=120; Yogurt=90);
Lunch: the usual 240 (Vegetarian Minestrone soup in a cup=140; 2 slices fat free cheese singles=60; 2 sugar-free jello cups=20; few pieces of raw broccoli=20)
Dinner: 480 (Hungry Girl Breakfast pizza (2 pieces@130 each=260); salad with parmesan cheese=150; a can of green beans=70)
Snacks: the usual 280 (banana=130; apple=90; 4 sugar-free popsicles@15 each=60)
Total=1210.
The trick is that I plan the day's food the night before and write it all down. Then I do my best not to digress from the plan. There are occasions when I might eat something not there, and if I do, I go to my notebook and change it, even if it is a terrible binge and I'm writing down another thousand or more calories!!

5K Sunday Part 3

I just got back from my neighborhood 5K walk for the third Sunday in a row. I went by myself this time and tried to shave a little time off by walking faster and jogging occasionally. I took four minutes off, which means I did it today in one hour and six minutes. I'm totally sweated up and heading for the shower.

It's the big 100!!!!

I did it! I have lost an even ONE HUNDRED pounds!! I hopped on the scale this morning, a little worried because I had dinner out last night and even had three bites of a scrumptious dessert, but there it was, 222. What a lovely number, 222. That is exactly 100 pounds less than I weighed on January 3, 2007, which was my all-time high. I am hoping to lose 2 more by the morning of my surgery. I wanted to get to 200 for the surgery when I thought the surgery was going to be in February. Once the doctor moved it up to November, my goal for the surgery was 220. I think I will definitely be there. Whoeee!! I'm so happy right now.

Philosophy of Eating

My husband and I share many things, but one thing we do not share is our philosophy of eating. Anyone who knows my husband knows that he is a tall, slim, physically fit, diabetic who has trouble maintaining his weight. He loses weight fairly quickly. He is trying to avoid going on insulin after being a diabetic for over 30 years. At this point it is getting harder for him to eat enough calories to maintain his weight, yet not raise his sugar, and still take only oral meds for the diabetes. His philosophy of eating is to eat as little as possible and get the biggest amount of calories. If he can eat a small portion that is low in carbs and high in calories, he is a happy camper. If he wasn't almost completely a vegetarian at this point, he could just eat a pound of steak every night!
I am the complete opposite. I am like Hungry Girl. I have always wanted to eat as much food as possible. I'm virtually never finished eating. I have learned over the years that if I open a box (jar, bag, container, etc.) of anything, I'm going to finish it: pound bags of M&M's, 13-ounce bags of Doritos, family-size boxes of Cheez-Its or Raisin Bran, half-gallon cartons of ice cream. I've done all of that. At meals I will eat everything available, clean my plate, clean the kids' plates, pick at the left-overs cleaning up. I always want the largest quantity of food I can get. Sad, but true. And it's still true today. I don't know if I'll ever get past that.
It's taken me all this time to realize that I am not normal. People who can maintain a normal weight also maintain a normal relationship with food. I do not. I probably never will. What is happening this time is that I'm gaining a better perception of what is normal and how I can manage my abnormality.
Mark is helping by also recognizing my needs. So he cooks these great things from Hungry Girl for me because she's a believer in eating as much as possible with the lowest amount of calories. I supplement it with large quantities of salad and chewing gum to satisfy that chewing urge and to feel like I'm eating all the time. I probably can't "cure" this food addiction, but at this point managing it will be good enough for awhile.

"Curses, foiled again."

The rain stopped; the sun peaked out; we headed out for Patuxent Wildlife Visitor Center; the sky darkened; the rain came. "Curses, foiled again." So we turned the car around and went to the local mall. It's a dying venue, so it's great for walking. No one is there to get in your way. We walked 50 minutes at a pretty fast pace. I don't know how far that was, but I would guess about two miles at least.

Playing Hooky

It's Saturday morning, but Mark and I have decided to play hooky from synagogue services because it's dark, rainy, and blustery outside. Instead we are going to relax, catch up on TV shows we have missed this week, and figure out how to work in some exercise. We want to go walk the trails at the Patuxent Wildlife Refuge a few miles down the road. We went over there only once for an art show and were very impressed with the place. At the time, Mark and I looked at the map of trails, and I didn't think I could do any but the shortest one, maybe a quarter mile or so. Now I'm excited about getting back over there to see how long the bigger ones are because I would be up for them now. Unfortunately the dark, rainy, blustery weather will probably prevent us from going over there today.

"Ease on down, ease on down the road"

I just got back from walking a 1.3 mile neighborhood route. Months ago this walk was my usual one, and it seemed long and hard. I was quite proud of myself when I went that far. In July it still took me about 30 minutes to do it walking as fast as I felt I could. Lately I've been walking over two miles regularly and over 3 twice, so this walk isn't even something I've done for awhile. I got home later than usual and didn't walk yesterday, so I was determined to get some exercise in for today. So I went out the door determined to do this short walk as fast as I could. I even...wait for it...jogged a bit. Three separate little stretches, not even a half a block long each time, but it was actual jogging. Today I did the 1. 3 miles in 24 minutes. I was sweated up inside my sweatshirt and breathing pretty hard, but I was very happy with myself.

Pre-Op Physical

After work today I had my pre-op physical. Everything is good: the EKG, the blood pressure, all the usual things. My GP is wonderful, and I have been going to her for 15 or more years. She always takes her time, answers all my questions, remembers me and my issues, and makes me feel like she cares about me. So...she was really impressed with the weight loss! In all this time, she has never seen me at this weight, which was 224.4 this morning at home. Yay!! On the down side, I did tell her that my ocular migraines have increased in frequency and intensity. I had two in September and two in October. Because of that, she is sending me to have more blood drawn to test the electrolytes, my thyroid, and my vitamin D. She said the weight loss might even be bringing them on more often. I was heading over there right after the physical until I learned that they would be closed before I got there, so I'll head over after work tomorrow.

Using Peer Trainer

I really enjoy getting little presents. The daily emails from friends and family, the daily emails from online support groups like peertrainer.com, and the comments left on my blog are like getting little presents every day. I have just joined a new program from the peer trainer site. It's going to concentrate on emotional eating: mindless snacking (one of my downfalls!), night eating, binging (and we all know I have admitted to that), and other issues. When I signed up for this new series of emails and voice messages, I actually got a personal email back from the owner of the site, Jackie Wicks. Wow, was I surprised. It was just so wonderful to know that she is out there and really cares about who is reading and using her website. If anyone reads this blog and needs a boost, give Jackie Wicks and peertrainer.com a try. And NO, I don't know her or get any financial benefit from mentioning this. I just like it. I have now listened to the first in the series. A lot of what they said fits me to a "T": eating as you are cooking dinner, leaving work and running to fast food to eat on the drive home, eating alone with the TV, behaving all day through breakfast and lunch but losing all control later in the day. YUP. Been there and done ALL of that. YUP. I think I signed up for the right thing.

Rumor Control

I found out today that the 240 doses of seasonal flu vaccine that I mentioned in this morning's blog was a rumor. There were actually 500 doses, more in line with the amount they usually get. I have no idea how the rumor got started or how people found out the truth. All I know is that there might have been some people who left yesterday without getting it because they heard there wasn't going to be enough.

Flu Shots

I got my seasonal flu shot after school yesterday as has been my routine for the last twenty years or so. I can't even remember when they first started giving them out to teachers, staff, and retirees for free, but that's when I started doing it. This year it was crazy! A teacher in my building had gone to a different site for the shot a few days before and got there about half way through the two hour time block only to find that they had run out of vaccine. She planned to go again yesterday afternoon. It's a good thing she got there early. There were only 240 doses, according to the rumor running up and down the huge line. For the first time ever, one of the staff put numbers on our papers. She said if you got a number, you would get a shot. I had arrived about 20 minutes before the clinic opened and got number 65. Many other teachers from my building showed up later than I did and got numbers as well. I left when I got my shot, so I don't know if they really ran out or not. I do know that I have never seen that many people lined up before.
On the PLUS side, for the last many years I used to dread standing up to wait for this shot. It would usually run from 20 to 30 minutes, and that was way beyond my ability to stand. A few of the years, I found a stray chair and dragged it over to sit down while I waited. This year, I wasn't worried at all! I ended up standing up for 40 minutes waiting, then I drove to the mall and walked two times around the oval track of stores inside plus some general walking around to and from the car and to get my Starbucks (black, brewed coffee only) for a total of another 55 minutes on my feet. Not too shabby!

Good episode

I am totally in control tonight as I watch The Biggest Loser. I'm finding this episode to be an especially good one, too. I can relate completely to some of their stories. One man is 39 years old, twenty years younger than me, yet he is all gray-haired and looks much older. He just said that he wished he had done this sooner. Me, too. Of course, I've done it before. I haven't yet been able to make it stick. I'm hoping this is the time it sticks. This man said he felt like he had been in a hole and was now getting out of it. I have told people that I feel like I have just woken up from a 20 year bender and I'm looking back at the last twenty years saying, "What have I been doing to myself?" I'm a food-aholic for sure.

Not making the same mistake

I'm about to watch this week's episode of The Biggest Loser, and I will NOT binge like last week. I am entitled to four sugar-free popsicles, a banana, and all the hot tea, sugar-free Sprite, or Trident gum that I want.

"That's the way, Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, I like it!"

Yes, it was a good week. I'm down exactly THREE pounds. Averaging two pounds a week is what all the experts say you should do, so a week with 3 pounds gone is a very good week. I''m now down 71 from when I saw the doctor the first time on April 8, 92 down from when I started this new plan on Inauguration Day of 2009, and 97 from my all-time high in April of 2007. Yes, it was a good week.

"An -ti-ci-pay-yay-tion, it's makin' me crazy."

It's Monday afternoon, and I am anticipating getting on the scale Tuesday morning. Sometimes I dread it when I know I have had a bad week, but this time I'm anticipating a good number. Of course, I will let you know tomorrow! I often summarize in my three-ring binder how my calories and exercise looked for the week. This time I'll summarize it right here for everyone to see. Full-scale accountability at its finest!
Tuesday: 2500 calories, no exercise--That was the reason this blog got started!
Wednesday: 1090 calories, no exercise
Thursday: 980 calories, no exercise--Hm, I'm seeing a bad trend here.
Friday: 1180 calories, no exercise--At least I packed clothes in bags that day.
Saturday: 1330 calories, 8 minutes on an elliptical, 30 minutes on a treadmill, 3 laps in the pool. Much better day in the exercise department!
Sunday: 1180 calories, walked 5K
Monday: 1090 calories (if I stay on track the rest of the day), no exercise
So summing it up, pretty good recovery on the calories after a rocky start Tuesday, but not enough exercise. I am still anticipating a good number tomorrow morning.

5K Sunday

I just got back from walking 3.2 miles in my neighborhood. That's a smidge over a 5K. I did it last Sunday by myself; I did it today with my husband. Both times it took one hour and 10 minutes. I am very proud of myself and of my husband. This was his first time. We both hope to do an actual one for charity in the future.

Tools

There are some tools I've been using to keep this weight loss going. Today I want to share them. Some are the old tried and true type; some I have learned new for this experience. I also want to say that I am not affiliated with any of the things I'm about to endorse. I have no stock in any of these organizations and get no financial benefit from mentioning them. They are just wonderful tools that I have found and would like to share with others.

Tried and True Type
1. Write everything down!! This I learned from Weight Watchers. Back in 1985, they were the first to give me a booklet to write down everything I eat. On their plan I tracked exchanges. I have done this off and on for years and years, so by itself, just writing things down doesn't make you lose weight. When I ran out of weight watchers booklets, I started buying some little books at the grocery store and started tracking calories. I used them for a few years until they went out of print. Then I used a variety of journals and diaries. Then I used looseleaf paper in a 3-ring binder. Then I made a template on the computer, printed it out, made copies, punched holes, put them in the 3-ring binder. I'm still on this one.

2. Exercise and write it down! The exercise has to go into the notebook, too. Walking and swimming are my two favorites. When my knees and feet were bad, swimming was all I had left. Fortunately I live close to an aquatic center with all kinds of weight and cardio equipment, so I could swim year round. This time nothing was hurting except my back when I was carrying 322 pounds. I started walking at a mall that is built in an oval track with a cut through one/third of the way up the oval and with lots of benches strategically place. In January I could barely go from one bench to the other in order to make it around the lower third of the oval in 20 minutes. My back hurt so much after just a few yards, that I didn't skip any benches. Last Sunday, about nine and a half months later, I walked a 5k in an hour and ten minutes. It is now a goal of mine to cut that time to an hour and do an official 5k somewhere for a charitable cause.

3. Calories In/Calories Out. There's really no way to get around that.

New Tools I've Learned this time:
4. Use online support systems. I have found two online groups that send me daily emails with encouragement, articles about nutrition and exercise, and provide support systems of communities and weight loss tracking tools. These are www.peertrainer.com and www.realage.com. I look forward to finding those emails every afternoon when I get home from work. I track my weight loss on a scale and my waist measurements on a tape measurer on the realage site. I love putting my weight in every week and seeing the results. They also give you "rewards" of ribbons and trophies to collect. It's a nice visual "Yay for you!" boost.

5. Hungry Girl!! I can't say enough good things about her. Her real name is Lisa Lillien and she calls herself the Hungry Girl. My husband happened to see her on a TV news show. He was so impressed that he bought her cookbook, 200 Under 200. This is 200 recipes under 200 calories. My husband does all our cooking, so every night for dinner he's been trying her recipes. They are all fabulous. A main dish of Hungry Girl's 200 calories, a big salad with some grated parmesan on top, and a hot vegetable on the side like green beans or broccoli has become my standard dinner throughout this journey when I eat at home.

6. Miracle Noodles! And I DO mean Miracle. You have to buy them online at www.miraclenoodle.com. The miracle is that they have ZERO calories and ZERO carbs. Hungry Girl uses them a lot in her recipes.

"And the times, they are a-changin' "

So many changes going on in my life right now. This evening I just got hard reminders of two big changes coming up. First, the mail came with my official notice from the school system that I am resigning my position as of February 27, 2010. That's a good thing, right? I have planned for this for years, and I applied for it. They are just acknowledging receipt of my wishes and thanking me for my service. Still, holding that official looking letter in that official looking envelope made it seem very concrete. Second, I have officially quit singing with the Central Maryland Chorale. That's a sad thing. I only just joined the group two and a half years ago, on the encouragement of a good friend from the synagogue. I LOVED it. It was a few hours every Monday night when I could sing my little heart out. I didn't have to be the director anymore. I could just be the singer, and I had the opportunity to work with an amazing, talented director from whom I learned a lot. Well, the surgery is Nov. 2 and the concert, Mendelssohn's Elijah, is Nov. 21. Not really going to work out for me this semester. I sent the director an email with my decision and got a really lovely response from her. I thanked her, and that's it. I'm done. I feel a little teary-eyed about both events right now. Many other changes are in the wind. Here's a little list with no commentary:
--preparing for the surgery on Nov. 2
--quitting directing the Mishkan Torah choir after nearly 11 years
--losing weight and finding an entirely new body
--going on the longest vacation EVER, 42 days, beginning March 2, 2010
--performing a big vocal show with my husband at the synagogue on January 30, 2010
--my daughter graduating Northeastern University at the end of April, 2010
--painting, renovating, cleaning nearly 29 years of stuff out of the house
--putting the house up for sale
--moving to Florida
Any one of these big life changes could trigger depression and overeating. I am trying very hard not to allow that to happen. I'm trying very hard to stay positive and upbeat and look at the good side of every change. Wish me luck.

New old clothes

I'm dressed and almost ready to go to synagogue services. I am wearing new old clothes, and it feels good. The skirt is at least 10 years old. The turtle neck is beyond my memory! The sweater was bought when I went to a new school in the fall of 1994. Wow, things hold up well when they are buried in the back of a closet and rarely worn.

Dreary weather with good feelings

It's Saturday morning. Other folks might be sleeping in late and having a slow start to the morning, but not me. My husband Mark is going to read the haftorah portion at our synagogue this morning, so no matter how cold, dark, and rainy it is outside, we have to get dressed and head out the door. Still, I have had three excellent days in a row, eating about 1200 calories each of those days. I only get on the scale once a week on Tuesday mornings (that's another story!), so I won't know for three more days exactly what I weigh, but I just feel like it's going to be a good week. Because of the unusually nasty weather for this area in October, I have not had a long walk since Monday. If my weight loss isn't what I would like this week, I guess that will be the answer.

Culling the herd (of clothes, that is)

Last Sunday I decided to thin the herd out. I have clothes ranging from 4x, womens 32, down to XL. Over the years as my weight fluctuated from a high of 322 to a low of 175 (my wedding weight in 1975), I almost never threw anything away...always thinking I might need it again. Of course, that's a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I always did need it again. I have vowed that this time is going to be different! So...on Sunday I started the process. I pulled out everything from every drawer and closet. I had clothes in 11 drawers and four closets! Now there are seven bags which include over 120 items in sizes 3x through 4x, women's 26-32. and some of my husband's and children's things. I am going to donate them to our synagogue rummage sale.
The good news is that in the process I found a lot of things in sizes that I can fit into now in sizes 22-24 and XL-2X. I have filled only two closets and 10 drawers, but they fit in there with less squeezing, so I can easily see what I own. And it all fits me!! A lot of it is going to get me through this winter without spending any money, so that's very good news! I did buy one new top, one pair of pants, and a winter jacket at Wal-Mart, all for only $42. Pretty thrifty if I do say so myself.

When and why this journey this time

The blurb at the top of this blog mentions my surgery. It is to repair two hernias, one is an incisional one and one is umbilical. I've had them for years, but finally they are going to be fixed. The surgery is scheduled for November 2, 2009 at noon. I'm pretty nervous about it because it will be open abdominal surgery, not laparoscopy. The surgeon felt that the incisional one was just too big to do any other way. It will be at least two hours under general anaesthesia and yet I will go home the same day! Yikes. That's really the scary part.
On April 8 this surgeon fussed at me in the way no doctor had ever done before. He said I was too FAT for this surgery. He said that if he did at the current weight, 296 that morning on my home digital scale, naked and first thing in the morning, it would not work, probably rip open, probably cause me to get an ostomy bag, possibly kill me. He sat there and shook his finger in my face and said, "You are 58 years old and at a crossroads in your life. You are going to choose life or you are going to die." That's pretty scary stuff. I left there and sat in my car talking to my husband and then my daughter on the cell phone, sobbing. I was sure that I had just had a death sentence pronounced because I was sure I was a FAILURE at weight loss. That was around 11 a.m. That night at 7 p.m. I was going to have a house full of company for the first Passover seder. Yikes. I had to pull myself together, go home and cook a huge meal, entertain guests, and not overeat. It seemed like a recipe for disaster, and yet I did it. I had the seder. I did not cry all day or through the seder. I did not overeat. The menu had been set, full of high fat/high carb foods, so I just decided to do two things: take only one serving, absolutely NO second helpings, and take smaller portions of everything, much smaller than I would actually want. To my surprise I did just that!

What I've Learned.

1. Not to watch TV alone because I'll graze in the kitchen.
2. If I'm watching TV, alone or not, do something other than going into the kitchen during commercials. Go to the computer and type a blog entry!!
3. Eating at night is my downfall.
4. I want to eat something right NOW, even though I have already had my banana and three sugar-free popsicles. Instead, I'm typing this blog entry.
5. I am NOT eating anything more tonight. Period.

Lunch time menus

Since people are always asking me what I eat on this plan, here is one of my frequent lunches. Subway is awesome for lunch. I always order a double turkey salad with no cheese and no dressing. I just don't like dressing. In fact I really HATE dressing of any kind, so it's no hardship to leave that off! And the cheese...well, I try to keep kosher in my own way here, so I don't mix meat and dairy. I know, it's weird. The turkey isn't kosher anyway, so what's the difference, but there is a difference in my mind. I'm actually having my lunch for dinner tonight. I just got home from the Toy Story 3D double feature. It's very cold and drizzly and dark out. I'm looking forward to settling down with my salad, a hot cup of tea, and Survivor.

A new morning

Yesterday was a good day for many reasons: my final choir rehearsal with a recording, a good day on my eating plan with about 1200 calories, no out-of-control snacking, the start of this blog. Yes, a good day. Today is just starting. I have nuked my Morningstar Links, poured my mug of coffee, filled my water jug, and packed my usual lunch (240 calories which I'll describe another time). Time to head to work. I'm feeling energized and ready to stay on my plan today...at least until I get home. That's when my troubles start. I'll let you know how it goes.

What do I Eat for Breakfast?

Now that I've lost about 88 pounds, people are noticing! That's a good thing. Just tonight I had a choir practice. We had skipped a week, so some of the members were commenting on how much weight I seemed to have lost since last they saw me. Not that much more actually. It's amusing that they think I've suddenly lost a lot these last two weeks when it was really only about 2 pounds. It might have been more except for the nights spent binging, like last night. People always ask me what I eat and how I'm doing it. So a lot of this blog will be explaining that. I actually wrote a four page paper for a colleague the other day at work. Today she told me she had gone out and bought one of the food items I eat every day.
So here is my breakfast: 3 Morningstar Vegetarian Sausage Links (40 calories each) and a 6 ounce container of any nonfat, sugar-free yogurt (about 90 calories) for a total of 210 to start the day. And plenty of hot, black coffee. Yum. It fills me up and makes me happy.

It's a Start!

I'm on a journey of weight loss, exploring my abilities in the area of self-control. Hmm...I think I've been on this journey before many times. This time it needs to stick. I'm hoping that starting this blog will give me another outlet for this exploration and journey. After binging on peanut butter while, ironically, watching The Biggest Loser on TV last night, I woke up this morning thinking I needed to do SOMETHING!

Getting started is harder than I thought.

This is my first blogging experience. I'm not too computer savvy (just ask my family!), so possibly I did not do something I was supposed to do. I was excited to look at my first post, but it doesn't seem to be there. Here's my second one. Hopefully this one will find it's way out to the blog for me and anyone else to find.