The Last Day of the Year

I'm going to spend the last day of the year playing Mah Jongg with my girlfriends. Not a bad way to say goodbye to 2010. Tonight, Mark and I will continue our "old fogey" tradition of watching TV until the ball drops, sipping a little champagne, and going to bed. We haven't gone out on New Year's Eve in years and years. We used to go to parties, but over the years we just didn't want to be driving home on the road with people that were probably drunk. It's safer in the house.

2010 has been an incredible year for me and Mark. I thought I would take a few moments to reflect on all the changes.

Last January there were huge snowstorms, yet we practiced diligently on our Cabaret show. Despite the snow, our out of town guests made it in, so the show went on with only half the number of people who had bought tickets. We also had only half the band since the two guitarists couldn't make the drive in the snow. Sadly, Lowell was one of those guitarists, so our opportunity to have all four Silversteins on the stage singing "Piano Man" at the same time didn't happen. During the show, Mark suffered his cardiomyopathy and spent several days at Johns Hopkins Hospital cardiac unit. It took months of being careful about what he did, but he recovered completely from his rare takutsubo event.

In February we had Kip and crew load the storage POD of half our belongings. Our house would be up for sale, and we had to stage it to get it ready. We hired a contractor to paint and update the entire house. Wow! It was very disruptive. There were two more blizzards to deal with; we spent 8 nights in a motel because of the contractor's work; I worked only 6 days out of the entire month. The last day of February 2010 was my last day of work. EVER!

On March 2 we took off on the cross-country train to begin our 7 week trip to Hawaii and through the Panama Canal. That was just simply amazing!! Unfortunately I left on the train at 208 pounds and came back weighing 216 pounds. Hm...for that much travel and that many buffets, maybe 8 pounds wasn't so bad! This morning I weigh 244.

In early May, Evey and Eric graduated from Northeastern University. We had a great time attending the graduation. Then, Evey had only about three weeks at home before it was time for her to head to Santa Clara, CA with her fiance Eric to begin their new life together as he began his new career with Apple Computer.

In June, Mark and I went down to Solivita, a gated over-55 community in Poinciana, Florida, to look at homes. We found our dream home and put a contingency contract on it. We had three months to sell our house and close the deal. We also had a couple of back to back trips to Pennsylvania resorts. Sadly, I found the lump in my breast while we were there. That was the beginning of my breast cancer adventure. In the meantime, we had the opportunity to drive Evey's car across country for her, see her apartment, visit some old friends, and sell our house. Yes, we actually got the call that our house had an offer while we were visiting our friends Laverne and Kelly in Sonoma, CA. I'll always remember that day!

We flew home from California with excitement to close on our house in less than three weeks. We still had a lot of work to get the basement cleared out, and I had the lump removed under local anaesthetic. The doctors were still sure it was benign, but I got the call from the surgeon the day before we went to settlement to sell our house that it was invasive lobular cancer and that he had not gotten it all. My heart sunk. The next day we sold our house. I also visited the surgeon and heard my options. I was living in a motel, committed to buying a house in Florida, had no insurance that worked in Florida, and was scared to death.

My sister Cindy offered her house to us to stay in through treatments, so we gratefully took her up on that offer. We drove to Florida, bought the house on August 6 (my 60th birthday), and spent a few days trying to unpack as much as possible. We had to drive up and down the east coast three times for doctor's appointments and tests, and then back to Florida for more unpacking. Finally, after Labor Day weekend, we were up here in Maryland for the duration of my treatment.

Since September, I have had the partial mastectomy and chemotherapy. I cried; I denied; I ranted and raved. I did what I had to do, but I didn't have to like it. October and November found me in the hospital twice from chemo complications, but I'm still doing what I have to do.

Now it's the last day of the year 2010. I only have one more chemo infusion to do. I have new insurance in effect tomorrow that will work in Florida. We will be in our dream home on February 1 of 2011. The end of this dark tunnel is starting to appear.

It's been an incredible journey this year. Every year is an adventure, but I have to say that 2010 might be the most adventurous one of my life.

I wish everyone a happy, healthy New Year. May everyone's adventures in 2011 be good ones!

Another Great Day

I did indeed stay up all night, hyped up on the Decadron steroids. I watched a great special on extreme couponing as well as many, many episodes of House Hunters, also an infomercial on the Oreck Vacuum cleaner. I dozed off around 5 to 5:30, then woke up and put the news on. At 8 a.m. I went to bed and got back up at 11 a.m., but those three hours were plenty to sustain me for a busy day.

Yesterday my turn signal went out, so we took the car to Jiffy Lube in Pikesville. They easily fixed the signal, changed the oil, and also changed the power steering fluid. We went to the kosher Subway for lunch, but when we came out the oil light was on. Since it was just down the street from Jiffy Lube, it was easy to head back. They discovered that the oil filter they had just installed was defective and oil had leaked out already. It was a quick, no charge fix, and we were on our way to Seven Mile Market for some shopping. We gassed the car up, then headed to the cancer center for my neulasta shot. That went well, but the shot costs about $4300. The nurse told me to hold the syringe of neulasta and warm it up while she finished up something else. As I sat holding it, I realized that shot in my hand cost more than my first new car back in 1972, which cost about $3,000. I'm not sure I ever held something worth over 4k in one hand before. Surreal feeling. Then she shot it into my arm and now I'm worth over 4k. LOL!! Thank God for good health insurance.

After the shot, we drove home to meet Lowell for dinner and TV. Awesome, like always.

I have felt so good for so many days now that it's starting to get scary. My last Flagyl pill is at 3:30 in the morning. I really, really, REALLY hope the C diff is gone. I guess I'll know in a few days. If it's not gone, I have another prescription in my purse ready to go.

Tomorrow: Mah Jong!! See some of you there.

Penultimate Chemo

I had Taxol today, number 7 of 8, so that makes it the penultimate chemo session. I love that word. At Pikesville Middle we used to have a secretary who would get on the intercom near the end of the year and make an announcement, "Teachers, your penultimate paycheck of the school year is ready to be picked up." It always gave us a good feeling, symbolizing summer vacation was just around the corner.

Chemo went pretty well, but it took six hours again. Today they gave me an extra steroid (oh joy) to try to head off the reaction that I had last time. They also started it out pretty slowly. Good tries, but they didn't work. About 15 minutes into it, with only 17 cc of 500, delivered, I got the same reaction. The good news was that I was more sensitive to what was happening, so I called them even earlier. They did the same things: another push of benadryl, turn off the Taxol, drip saline, wait 30 minutes, check vitals frequently. Then they started it up slowly again. At 11:30 this morning, I had only received 26 cc of the 500, so they were thinking I'd never get out of there. We were joking that I'd sit in there by myself all night and wait for them to come the next morning to finish it off! LOL Fortunately everything went well from then on, and they were able to increase the speed slowly. I finished at 3:20, and Mark and I got home about 4:30. YAY!! One more down. Tomorrow I will have my neulasta shot, and we'll do some shopping.

Lowell is on his way over now to watch TV and have a spaghetti dinner. He's coming back tomorrow, also, if his cold doesn't get worse. He's catching what we've all had. I am feeling better, and I know my white counts are up right now, so I'm not worried about him being sick.

I have had a LOT of steroids today, so I expect to sit up all night watching TV or reading. It will be lonely, but this time I don't think I'll even bother trying to lie down in bed. There's really no point to it unless this round is very different. I'm also keeping my fingers crossed and praying that I don't get the joint pain this time either. I didn't on the second one, so I'm hoping this third one goes just as well.

I have NO plans for New Year's Eve other than watching TV and going to bed after the ball drops. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?

PS I did write down my calories, but I think it's going to be higher than I estimated for lunch. They gave me beef noodle soup (not kosher, but I ate it anyway) that was full of meaty chunks. I bet that was 300 calories. I had a tuna salad sandwich on a multi-grain bread that was probably 400 calories. The bag of chips had more than I estimated, 220. Then there were the two gigantic oatmeal raisin cookies. I'm estimating at least 150 each for another 300. I did not ask for any Coke or snacks, though, so that was good. Still lunch might have been as high as 1220 calories. In my old world of dieting, that's the whole day's calories. I had already had 380 at breakfast, and dinner should be about 420. Now I'm up to 2020. Not going to lose weight on that, but still it's better than I was doing. Of course, that doesn't account for any snacks I might eat watching TV tonight, not to mention what could happen if I stay up all night! OY! Why is this always so hard?

Good Day!

We went to the cancer center this morning for my blood work and visit with the oncologist. Both went well. Despite having a cold and still being on Flagyl for the C Diff, everything else is perfect. My blood work is all normal, so I will be having Taxol tomorrow at 9:30 a.m. That will be number 7!! It's really finally coming to an end in just a few more weeks.

I asked the doctor how many times I could keep going on Flagyl for the C Diff. She sort of shrugged and basically indicated that I could do it indefinitely. She also said that if it persisted and I was still here with her, she would refer me to an infectious disease doctor to keep working on it. In addition, she hinted that being on the chemotherapy could be prolonging it. This gave me some hope that if I can't beat it entirely before the chemo ends, then surely I can when it's over.

She sent me out with another undated prescription for the Flagyl since this current course of treatment will end on Friday. She also said that when I come back for my final visit with her, she will write me an undated prescription for a three-week supply of Flagyl (usually it is a 2 week supply) so that I can take that much onto the cruise ship with me in February, just in case! I think that's a great idea. A better idea would be that it's gone by February 14, but it's always better to be safe than sorry.

I also asked her about taking Florastor, as I have been reluctant to add an over-the-counter drug without her permission. Shockingly, she had never heard of it. She had a good suggestion, though. She said print out some information on it from the web and bring it in tomorrow to show the inhouse pharmacists who prepare the chemo drugs. She thought that they should be able to do a little research and tell me if it's safe to take or not. Later today Mark will be printing out this information.

So all in all, this was a good doctor's visit. I am very happy that I had no real side effects from the Taxol last time, other than staying up all night after I get it and a bright red face from the Decadron glow that lasted about 48 hours. If that's all that happens this time, I can handle that!!

Today is also weigh-in day. I said last week that I had hit a new high of 240. Ha! That's nothing! I have shattered that record by a whopping four more pounds. So the new high today is 244. YIKES!! This is SO BAD!

I actually woke up this morning with a new resolve to try to put the brakes on things. There's only so much I can do as long as I want to keep eating all these pre- and pro-biotic foods, but there is definitely a few things I can do. One is to write it down again. Last week when I played Mah Jongg, Arlene gave me a Mickey Mouse pen set and notebook. I took it and I said, "I know exactly what I'm going to do with this." That's all I said, but I started doing it today: writing everything down that I eat. I have had 300 calories for breakfast: 1 pack of instant oatmeal (140), 1 Activia lite yogurt (80), 2 Morningstar sausage links (80). For lunch I have had 705 calories. That's too much, but dinner should be low. I had a Hungry Girl barbequed chicken wrap leftover from dinner last night (250), 1/2 cup of sauerkraut (50 NASTY calories!), 2 slices of sourdough bread with 2 T of Smart Balance lite margarine (300), and 1 cup of blueberries (85). The sauerkraut, sourdough bread, and blueberries are all from the list of foods good for helping to clear up C Diff.

Tonight's dinner is salad (about 120 since I put parmesan cheese on it) and a TV dinner (220 in a Lean Cuisine). This is about the lowest calorie dinner I ever eat, 340. So if I keep snacking to a minimum, today's calories should stay well under 2000. Considering I have been eating between three and four thousand, this is a huge improvement. Now if I could only get a little exercise in the day, but it's so cold outside!

Tomorrow they will give me lunch at the chemo center. Lunch always consists of a sandwich, soup, bag of chips, and 2 cookies. They also bring all the drinks and snacks you want. I have been overindulging and taking real Coke and a few packs of snack crackers or Oreos while I'm there. I am resolved to have only decaf coffee or tea without anything in it and NO snacks. I'm really not worried about the lunch itself. I figure it's good for me! Dinner will be salad and the low-calorie, low-carb, low-fat spaghetti that Mark makes every Wednesday. That whole dinner is under 500 calories. As long as I eat the same breakfast as this morning and limit snacking, that should be another good day.

The other thing I can start doing is hide the scale. There's never a reason to hop on and off every single day. I was better when I only got on the scale Tuesday mornings. I'm going to ask Mark to hide it again like he used to do for me before we moved. I can also start drinking more water. I've been drinking only one bottle of water and that during the night. During the day, once tap water didn't taste good, I have been drinking more juices and other things with calories. Right now I have some diet soda without caffeine that I can have, but in general I need to keep myself full with liquids or vegetables. I know how to do these things; I have just not been doing them. It's hard! Anyway, I'm going to try, and I'll let you know how it goes.

Dodging the bullet

The snow stayed away for the most part from our area. We have less snow out there this morning than we did that day I drove to the hospital for hours and hours. Cindy had no trouble driving out to Westminster and back. She said the roads were clear the whole way. I don't even think we'll have to shovel the sidewalk. I'm not complaining!

The biggest thing about today is the WIND! It is insane. It's howling and the trees are bending and whipping around. These windows in this house are old with little to no insulation. I can feel the drafts coming through because the wind is so strong. I'm really appreciating the new shawl I got from my friend Georganne. I wore it all day yesterday, and I have it on while I'm typing this blog.

I didn't intend to do it, but I just couldn't resist. I watched the whole movie, Sound of Music, last night on TV. I love that movie! Who doesn't? In fact when it was nearly over I couldn't resist downloading the book written by the oldest daughter (not named Liesl actually, but Agathe). It's her autobiography, and it's starting out as a pretty easy read. I couldn't put it down for quite awhile last night. Another thing I learned last night is that their birth mother was British, so Agathe and her OLDER brother Rupert spoke perfect English as well as German. She thought this was quite a blessing since they ended up in the U.S. Also their mother died of scarlet fever. Interesting tidbits for any other SOM fans that might be reading this. One other little tidbit and then I'll stop for today: he did use a whistle to call them and they did each have their own signal! Agathe says that they all liked their whistles, and unlike in the movie, they were not required to stand at attention in formation. The house and grounds were very large, and no one could hear when they were called by voice. Only the whistle carried far enough and through the heavy wooden doors of the house. I guess it worked well in a pre-pager/intercom/cell phone era!

I was supposed to get together with an old friend from high school days who is visiting her family on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. She lives in Seattle now. I don't know if that's going to happen today. Although we have little snow on our side of the Bay, she called yesterday and said they were getting quite a lot of snow! She has to be at Reagan National Airport at 4 p.m. this afternoon, so I think she should just play it safe and not try to rush over to Annapolis to meet me for brunch or lunch first. As much as I would like to see her, the weather is going to be a factor for her. Better be safe, I think. OK, I just got off the phone with Denise, and we have canceled our get-together for today. Her brother got a flat tire last night in the blizzard and has to get a new tire today. That's going to take some time and he's her only ride. They'll be thankful if they can just get that new tire and get to Reagan National in time. Good luck with all of that and have a safe flight back to Seattle, Denise! We'll get together another time.

My C Diff appears to be gone! YAY! I say "appears" because until I'm off the Flagyl for more than four or five days and it does not come back I won't really believe it. I will be on the Flagyl through the end of this week. I even ate sauerkraut for lunch yesterday. I had oatmeal and two Activia yogurts for breakfast, like I've been doing every morning. I bought another loaf of sourdough bread at the store yesterday also. I plan to keep eating the pro- and pre-biotic foods for at least two weeks beyond the end of the antibiotics. I am really praying and hoping that this time it's really working.

Tomorrow I start cycle 7! Whoee!! The end is really in sight now. When I see the doctor tomorrow, I am going to ask her several questions about the C Diff. I'm wondering how many times I can actually go on Flagyl. I'm also wondering whether or not I can take the pill Florastor that is highly recommended by so many people. I'm also going to ask if she'll write me another undated prescription for the Flagyl just in case! It sure came in handy this last time. I'll let you know tomorrow what she says about all of this.

Try to stay safe and warm wherever you might be.

Happy Day-After-Christmas!

We are sitting here this morning at 8:20 a.m. wondering where the snow is. Last night they promised that it would start at 4 a.m. and there would be 6-10 inches by Monday morning at 6 a.m. This morning when I got up at 7:30, I eagerly peeked through the blind to see the snow. No snow! I put the news on and learned that it's still coming. Some places south and north of us already have it, but our amounts are downgraded to 4-8 inches now. No word about when it's supposed to start or stop now. I guess I'm pleased that there will be less snow, less work for us to do shoveling tomorrow. Still, we have canceled our plans to go visit our friends Rudy and Georganne today. We have put that off to next Sunday. Cindy and Jackie still plan to drive to Westminster to visit a cousin/nephew and his family. Cindy is a hardier driver than I am, I guess.

I hope everyone had a great day yesterday no matter what they were doing. We had a perfect day. Mark and I really enjoyed relaxing around the house in the morning and then watching the Disney parade from noon to 2 before heading to Kip and Denise's house. We had 9 people altogether, a nice present exchange, then a fabulous dinner followed by way too many delicious desserts. I had too much, but then what else is new!

Around 10:15 or so, Mark and I will run up to the grocery store to get two or three things we need. If there was a blizzard going on right now, we could do without all of these things, but the snow hasn't started yet. I think we'll have plenty of time to safely go shop and get back. The worst of our storm is now predicted to happen between 3 p.m. and midnight.

My cold is not gone but it's not worse. I think it's going to be gone by the end of this week, and it has not caused me any more problems than any person not on chemotherapy would experience. This week begins cycle 7 of the chemo. Wow! It's really coming down to the end. Back in September I never thought it would end. In less than five weeks we'll be heading up to NY for a wedding and then on to Florida. We are still on track to arrive home on February 1. I cannot WAIT!!

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas morning and there is snow falling lightly outside the window. It's only supposed to be some flurries, but it's pretty. I'm sure all the kids who are celebrating Christmas with their families and opening their presents are thrilled to see the snow flakes.

I had a great time playing Mah Jongg with my girlfriends yesterday. We were at Robin's house, and Arlene, Annie, Wendy, Robin, and I played. With 5 players, someone has to rotate out after every game. I played all the games but one. I also won only one game, but that's OK with me. I just like to play and socialize. Arlene was the big winner. I think she won four or five times. How does she do that? We also had great food! Thanks to everyone for the great afternoon. Also thanks for the presents! I almost felt like it was my birthday. Annie got me a beautiful Florida calendar. Robin gave me a gorgeous teal shirt for our upcoming cruise. Arlene brought me a Mickey Mouse pen set and notebook. So cute. You girls did not need to get me presents, but it was an unexpected and much enjoyed surprise. Thanks again!!

When I got home last night around 5:30, my step-mother Jackie was there. It's always good to see her. I just see her maybe at Thanksgiving and Christmas anymore, so it's a pleasure. Mark prepared a fabulous dinner, so we all stuffed ourselves silly. Hm...hm... good. After the dinner, Jackie, Cindy, and I watched the movie Must Love Dogs with John Cusack and Diane Lane. It wasn't as good as the book, which I just finished reading a few days ago. Still, I like John Cusack, so it was fun to watch him.

Today Mark and I have a Christmas tradition. We watch the Disney Very Merry Christmas Parade on TV. It's on from noon to 2, so then we'll head over to Kip and Denise's house for presents and dinner. Kip, Denise, Kip's children Emily and Logan, our son Lowell, Cindy, and Jackie will all be there. It's been our tradition to get together with the Christian side of my family every Christmas, so we have never missed one. Sadly, our other brother Mark and his wife Carol, who live in Myrtle Beach, can rarely join us. Also this year my sister Flyn and her family Jim and Katie were not going to be able to come up from Virginia. We mailed them their presents earlier. Evey and Eric are safely in New Hampshire with Eric's family. I'm sure they are having a great morning of presents. I know she is well-loved and cared for with the Gaertners, even though I miss her.

Unfortunately Flyn called yesterday to tell me that Jim is in the hospital with a kidney stone. He went in through the ER in a Richmond, VA hospital on Thursday. The doctors tried to remove it with surgery but were unsuccessful. OUCH! He had a stent placed, and they expect him to get released later today. He is on pain killers but doing better, and they are hoping he will pass the kidney stone soon on his own in a few days. Sadly that meant cancelling their Christmas dinner guests, not to mention making Christmas at their house this morning less than satisfactory! I think Flyn and Katie were going to go to the hospital this morning and hope he gets released quickly. I never found that hospitals do anything quickly, so I bet they get home in the late afternoon. Tough day for all of them. Jim, if Flyn reads this I hope she'll tell you that we are sending our prayers and good wishes for a speedy and complete recovery.

So let's all be thankful for what we have today. We have warm homes, good food, and loving family and friends. Most of us have reasonably good health, and those of us who are struggling with that are at least improving. I send a very Merry Christmas greeting to everyone who reads this blog and celebrates Christmas. Even though I am Jewish, I enjoy the warmth and special feelings that come with getting together with the Christian family today. Enjoy the day!

Still have a cold. UGH.

Mark gave Tron a B+; Rudy gave it a B-; I gave it a C-. I slept through several key scenes, mostly fights, and at the end I wasn't sure I had gotten all of the plot. Maybe I just slept from the cold or lack of caffeine these days. I just didn't think it was that good. Still I enjoyed seeing Rudy and exchanging presents. It's always fun to get out. After the movie we did get all of our food shopping done at Seven Mile Market.

Lowell came over to watch a lot more episodes of How I Met Your Mother. I enjoy it very much. Mark outdid himself for dinner. He had seen this concoction on the show Man vs. Food on the Travel Channel. French fries are laid on the plate; a perfectly prepared rib eye steak is place on top of the fries; mushrooms in gravy cover that with melted (pareve) cheese over them. It sounded like a winner, and it was! All four of us really enjoyed dinner. There was also a salad. Yummy.

My cold is still bothering me, so I went upstairs about 9 p.m. last night. I wrapped the last few Christmas presents for tomorrow, read a little bit, and went to sleep by 10 p.m. I had hoped to feel better this morning, but I don't. No matter what, I am going down to Greenbelt to play Mah Jongg. The last time I did that was October 28, and I ended up in the hospital for the first time that night. Oh my, I hope that doesn't happen this time!! LOL Actually, despite the cold, I feel pretty confident that there will be no hospital in my immediate future.

Tomorrow is Christmas. For everyone who celebrates the holiday, I wish you a wonderful day full of family, friends, and love. I will be spending the afternoon at Kip's house with our extended family. Mark and I want to watch the Disney Christmas parade on TV between noon and 2 p.m. first. My step-mother will be arriving today from West Virginia, so we'll have a lovely dinner tonight with her and Cindy. Evey and Eric have arrived in Boston this morning. They have a friend picking them up, and they plan to visit the hotel venue for their wedding before meeting Eric's dad and driving up to New Hampshire for the holidays. A week of snowboarding and skiing awaits them.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Tron

Our lunch yesterday was great. Mark and his former co-workers had a great time catching up. I had met these people before on a few occasions, so I also enjoyed the conversation. The restaurant was lovely. Mark had a fried fish sandwich and cole slaw. I had blackened salmon on pasta with Cajun sauce. Spicy! The menu isn't terribly extensive and slightly on the pricey side, but the food was well prepared and delicious. OK, that is IT. No more restaurant reviews!! LOL

Today our plan is to go see the movie Tron in 3D. I'm not a big fan of 3D, but Mark loves it. We also have to go to Seven Mile Market to buy the dinner fixings for the next several nights. Mark is making steak on french fries with mushrooms for Lowell tonight. My step-mother Jackie is arriving for Christmas on Friday, and we are going to make a very traditional Shabbat dinner for her and Cindy: challah and wine, matzo ball soup, gefilte fish, roast chicken, potato kugel, and string beans. I do plan to throw one non-traditional item in there, some quinoa for me for the whole grain.

I also have to finish wrapping a few gifts to deliver today and Saturday. That won't take long at all.

The biggest complaint I have is that this cold is just digging in for the long haul. Each day it has gotten worse. Although I have not had a fever yet, I'm still concerned. Today is Thursday, after all, my traditional day for developing that fever! LOL Of course, if it takes a turn for the worse, Mark will blog on my behalf. I'm trying to stay hopeful that the white cell counts are not going too low and that the neulasta shot will work its magic by tomorrow so that my own body can fight this off enough to get that seventh Taxol cycle next Tuesday.

Beginning the next 35

Yesterday's anniversary dinner did not disappoint. While it's true that the food at Umani's is better than at the Royal, we were pleasantly surprised at our dinner. The Royal Restaurant is also mostly Chinese food. Who knew? I had NO idea there were THREE different kosher Chinese restaurants in Pikesville. On Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, the Royal also has a Chinese buffet in addition to the menu items. The buffet is very reasonably priced at about $14 and includes soup. We had the wonton soup, and it was delicious. The buffet included salad, sponge cake for dessert, and at least 10 or so other items, including non-Chinese entrees like stuffed cabbage and fried chicken wings. The only thing I did not think was great was the stuffed cabbage. The sauce was good, but the stuffing was just rice and sort of tasteless. I really enjoyed the many other items, and I certainly did stuff myself silly! Like David Chu's, there is no liquor license at this place, so we drank only water and hot tea (a modest charge extra). In general, we'd like to go back and order from the menu. In addition to an extensive Chinese menu, there are many other things to order, including steaks and salmon. Mark is very eager to try the steak, so I'm sure we'll go back. I'm going to miss the easy access to all of these kosher restaurants when we move to Florida. Pikesville was a good 45 minute drive from our house in Laurel, so we rarely went up there to these restaurants. Now it's a 20 minute drive, so we are taking advantage of that.

Ha Ha!! Another restaurant review for a blog. Well, I just couldn't resist since it was the highlight of my day yesterday. Sadly, I'm up FOUR pounds today, 244, because of last night's splurge. Maybe it's just water weight from too much sodium in the Chinese food? Oh, please let it be that!

Today Mark and I will be heading south to Bowie in about an hour and a half. We are having lunch with some of his former co-workers from a different Goddard group. This is a group that does not get together once a month and most of them are still working. At any rate, I was also invited to this luncheon, so I'm going. We have not tried this restaurant before either, so maybe there will be yet a third restaurant review tomorrow. LOL

My cold is settling in nicely. It's worse this morning than the last two days. I have been eating one or two oranges every day for the vitamin C and sucking a zinc lozenge after each meal. Of course, those things can only do so much for me, I know. My white cell count is going down now, so I know I'm vulnerable. I just hope this cold doesn't go to the chest and turn into something worse like pneumonia. I fear that would cause another hospitalization. OY!! Let's don't even think like that.

I made one stupid mistake yesterday regarding my meds. I have alarms set for the various pills throughout the day, or I would never remember them. So when the alarm went off, I took the Celebrex and Claritin in the morning and the Celebrex again in the evening. OOPS! I wasn't supposed to take them yesterday. They were for five days after the chemo, ending on Monday. I did it right the first cycle, but yesterday the alarms went off and I took them. That's not going to hurt me, for sure, but I will be short a day on the final cycle. Now there is only enough to go Thursday through Sunday instead of Monday in January on the final cycle. I'm not too worried, though, because I really had very little joint pain this cycle, so I bet on the last cycle I won't really need that fifth day of Celebrex. At least, I hope not. I turned the alarm off today, so that's good. Hm...can we say Pavlov's dogs? The alarm goes off; I swallow a pill. LOL

Happy Anniversary

Today is my 35th wedding anniversary. Mark and I were married in Silver Spring, MD on December 21, 1975. It was a cold day and snow started falling during the reception. Still it was an awesome day! We have had quite a wonderful life together. Love you lots, Mark!!

It's also Tuesday, so I weighed in. It just keeps getting worse and worse. I'm up two more pounds, so I hit a new high since the weight loss, 240. I thought when I got into the 220s again that it was bad, then the 230s just didn't seem possible. Hm....anything is possible. It's always possible to undo all the good you do. Last year at this time I weighed 213. Wow! 27 pounds up in the year, but it's really just in the last few months. UGH.

Now I'm trying to eat these pro- and pre-biotics. None of them are low-calories either. Yesterday I had oatmeal, blueberries, and Activia yogurt for breakfast. For lunch I had a big slab of sourdough bread with a big slice of hard cheddar cheese (not the low-fat kind either). A few hours later I steeled myself up for the sauerkraut. I opened the jar and put about half a cup on the plate. I have never put sauerkraut in my mouth, but I was determined to do it. I took a small bite of the cold sauerkraut, and it tasted vaguely of a really strong sour pickle. Not my favorite taste, so I thought I would eat it with two chicken hot dogs and warmed up. I put the hot dogs on the plate with the sauerkraut and put it all in the microwave. GROSS!! It was way worse hot than cold, but I still managed to eat the whole thing. Later I ate another Activia and an orange. For dinner there was lemon pepper fish (coated with breading that we bought at the market), quinoa (for the whole grain), broccoli, and cole slaw. It was a delicious dinner. I also had more sourdough bread with raspberry jelly and two Popsicles for a late night snack. All these foods were good for the C Diff fight, but it was a lot of calories. At least I did get out and walk 15 minutes around the block.

The only other annoying thing to report is that I have caught my first cold of the season. Cindy had one last week, and although she wore a mask when she was around me and although she was gone a lot of the time, I still seem to have caught it anyway. She feels really bad that I got it from her. I just woke up yesterday with the feeling that I was getting the cold. I started taking the zinc lozenges, Cold-Eeze, after each meal, 4 throughout the day, according to the package directions. I hope it shortens the duration. This morning I am very congested and snuffly. Mark is worried that as my white cell count drops between today and Friday the cold could turn into something worse. I sure hope not, but I guess it's a possibility.

The only thing I plan to do today is go out to dinner for our anniversary tonight. Mark and I plan to go to the Royal Restaurant in Pikesville, a kosher place we have never tried. It's gotten mixed reviews from our friends, but I still want to try it once. In between now and then, I plan to take it easy. Hopefully rest, zinc, and oranges will keep the cold from getting too bad.

Last thing to say is that Lowell joined us for dinner and TV last night since he couldn't make it last Thursday due to the snow. I always enjoy his company. My two kids are one of the BEST things about my marriage to Mark. Happy Anniversary, Mark! I love you.

Umani's

Last night we were going to go to our usual kosher Chinese place in Pikesville, David Chu's. Instead we learned about another one just down the street called Umani's. It's set a little back from the road, and I never knew it was there. Our friends Robin and Steve had been there before with another of our mutual friends, so they suggested it. Wow, it's really worth it. The prices were a little higher, but the food quality was also much higher. The place is very small, and it was packed. In fact, reservations are recommended, so we were lucky to get in last night without one, but I suspect that was because we got there at 5:15. Within an hour there were no empty tables and a waiting line out the door into the cold. It also has a liquor license, which David Chu's does not, so Mark enjoyed a whiskey with his dinner. We enjoyed our night out very much, and I would recommend this restaurant to anyone.

Ha Ha!! I think that's a first for this blog: a restaurant review.

It goes without saying that getting together with Robin and Steve was a lot of fun, too, because we had not seen them since mid-June. In fact they were among the first to know that I had found the lump. We were all so sure it would turn out to be nothing back then. Sigh.

I thought that I was going to go out every day this week because a quick glance at my calendar shows something on it every day. It was only late last night that I realized that I'm not going out today. I have to make two important phone calls to insurance companies. I hate that because it's always so difficult. The last time I tried to make one of these calls, after negotiating a lengthy process to get to a person, I got cut off. I was so frustrated that I didn't bother trying to call back that day. Now is the day. I have to do it. Also Mark is going out to lunch with a group of his former co-workers. This is an established group of guys who have been going out to lunch one Monday a month for years. I have no interest in crashing that crowd. Mark was afraid to leave me alone for this, but I convinced him that I'll be fine if he leaves me alone for a few hours to go have some fun with his buddies. I think he needs the time off!

I did buy most of the foods that I set out to get, including the dreaded sauerkraut. I had a piece of sourdough bread with raspberry jam for a snack last night. Ooo, that was delicious! This morning I had hot oatmeal, blueberries, and a yogurt. Delicious. Mark and I talked about the weight I'm gaining and the strength I'm losing. It's terrible, but I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to fight C Diff right now, and if that means eating higher calorie foods for meals and snacks, then so be it. The Flagyl kicked in quite well to slow the process, but I really worry whether or not it truly gets rid of the problem. The best thing it does by slowing the process is make it easy to keep up with possible dehydration. I learned the hard way that by having 10-12 stools a day it is not possible to drink enough to keep up with it. Flagyl keeps it to a more reasonable 4-5 stools a day. It's easy to drink enough at that rate. What it isn't doing so far is curing it and making everything normal. I'm hoping that with the right foods and a third course of the drug that this will be the magic charm, the final time. We'll see.

Enjoy the last day of "fall." It hasn't felt like fall around here for weeks, and I know some of you feel the same way. It looks like another cold, snowy winter for the Maryland area.

Fighting C Diff

Yesterday Mark found an interesting article on fighting C Diff with foods. I know about pro-biotics and Activia yogurt, but this article added a lot of new information. I have now made a shopping list of foods to buy to try to help with this horrible condition. Here's my list:
oatmeal
sauerkraut (I HATE this, so I might have to buy hot dogs and buns, too.)
sourdough bread
lots more Activia yogurts (3 a day are needed)
Kefir yogurt drink
blueberries or other berries
leafy green veggies
whole grains
decaf soda and coffee (no caffeine for C Diff)

Mark made decaf coffee yesterday, and then he dozed on and off all day. He's not used to that! I haven't been drinking too much caffeine, but I did have teas and Coke Zero, so I'm going to cut all of that out and go totally decaf. We both started it yesterday. I think I can easily eat all of these foods except the sauerkraut. If I can get down any sauerkraut at all, it will be a miracle. The article is really just one woman's story of fighting C Diff and how she conquered it with mostly fermented foods like the sourdough bread and yogurts and "pre-biotic" foods like the whole grains and berries that help the pro-biotics work better. There really is not much explanation as to why these worked, but it worked for her, so I'm ready to give it a try.

There is also an over-the-counter pill called Florastor, which has been recommended by my pharmacist friend Barbara and mentioned in articles on fighting C Diff. I plan to look for those today as well.

I started the Flagyl again as soon as we picked it up on Friday, and it seemed to kick in much faster than ever. Thursday I had 7 trips to the bathroom, then Friday there were 10 trips, including really horrible cramps and pain and a generally "sick" feeling all day. I started the pills Friday at 11:30 a.m., and there were only 4 trips into the bathroom all day Saturday. I was actually surprised by the speed of it. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe this third round of Flagyl, supplemented by these foods, might just do the trick.

For anyone interested in reading this article, the URL is www.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080916202216AAJoEte

I had planned nothing for Friday and Saturday, expecting a lot of bone, muscle, and joint pain like last time. Well, that didn't really happen. I had really no pain on Friday (except from the C Diff), and yesterday there was very minimal achiness. I got "twinges" periodically, but nothing intolerable. It was much better than after the first Taxol cycle. This morning I don't even feel the slightest twinge. That's amazing.

Starting today I begin a stretch of NINE days in a row where I am going out and having fun! Today Mark and I are meeting two friends, Robin and Steve, for dinner at David Chu's, the kosher Chinese restaurant. We haven't seen them since June, so that should be a lot of fun. Ironically, they are flying back from a vacation in Florida today! When I spoke to her on the phone last night, she said it was cold down there. LOL

I hope nine days of fun go off as planned. I will be sure to blog about each and every one of them. Of that you can be sure. I wish all of you nine days of fun, too!

Shabbat

It's Saturday, and that is Shabbat. It's also the Saturday after chemo 6, so I'm anticipating a lot of joint and muscle pain. I really had none yesterday, so that was a bonus. We had no trouble getting down and back to the hospital to pick up that Flagyl that we accidentally left behind on Thursday. At this point, I have had several doses, and it's already starting to help. I will be so glad to get rid of this C diff. It's really awful.

Today I have some joint pain in my knees and hips. It's not bad, but who knows what it will be like later today. I hope that it isn't worse than two weeks ago after the first Taxol infusion. If it is, this time I have oxycodone to help.

I have a lot of plans for this coming week. Every day involves going out, meeting people, playing mah jongg, etc. I am sure that it will be a great week and that I will be pain free. I would also like to be C diff free, but that's another story.

Yesterday's blog was so long, that I'm sure no one will mind if this one is very short. I wish everyone a restful Shabbat and a great week ahead.

CRAZY!!

Those who read yesterday's blog know that I stayed up all of Wednesday night. At around 8 a.m. I did start to feel sleepy. I intended to sleep until 11 before starting our errands, but I forgot to set an alarm or tell Mark; consequently, I slept until noon. By the time I showered and dressed and ate lunch, it was 1:30. Hm...pushing it a little for our errands, but we thought we could still make it.

WRONG!!!

We had planned to drive to the local Rite Aid to drop off my prescription for Flagyl (sadly the C diff returned in just a few days of finishing the last round of Flagyl), then to Seven Mile Market for some steaks for dinner last night, then back to Rite Aid to pick up the prescription, then home to put the meat in the fridge, then down to St. Agnes for my neulasta shot at 4, then back home as fast as possible to meet Lowell for our Thursday evening fun.

NOT!!!

None of that happened, except the neulasta shot. When we went out at 1:30, the snow was coming down harder than we had realized. One inch or less was predicted for our area, but it looked like we had a full inch already. The snow was pretty thickly falling, and another four hours of snow was predicted. Mark rummaged in the trunk to find our snow brush to clear the car. It was light and fluffy, so that was an easy chore. Nothing had been done to the local neighborhood streets, but I had no trouble driving over that inch of snow.

I got out of the neighborhood and turned left onto Charles Street. It looked just like the neighborhood streets, completely snow covered, and I could see that people were having a bit of trouble going up a hill farther down. I had no trouble, but I was starting to fear that I could not return to the house before going to St. Agnes. We decided to drop off the prescription, shop, and head straight to the hospital, picking up the prescription on the way back. That would make us a little late for Lowell, but we figured we'd call him later.

NOPE!! Didn't happen.

I got up the hill and turned right at the light at Cold Spring Lane. NOW things were going really horribly wrong. It was bumper to bumper and not moving. We inched along a bit and finally saw that there was a car stuck on the big hill going up the other side. This road is narrow, so it meant the oncoming traffic was coming down the big hill, passing the stuck car, and the cars on my side were taking turns now and then trying to go around the stuck car when they got a chance. Hm...eventually we saw that most people were abandoning this plan and either trying to make U-turns in the middle of the road or turning left down some other side street into a residential neighborhood. Finally I noticed that yet another car was not able to get up the hill. OK, it was now about 2:15. This five minute drive had now lasted 40. New plan, abandon Rite Aid and Seven Mile Market. Just try to get to the hospital before 4 when they close. I turned around in the Loyola College dorm parking lot, which fortunately had a traffic light. I was able to turn around, make a left to go back the way I had come. By then the radio had informed us that there were terrible slick spots and gridlock on all the ways I would normally have gone to the hospital. I had to go up the big hill I had just come down, but I was confident I could do that. There were two big SUVs in front of me. Suddenly, both of them were sliding and having trouble getting up the hill. The SUV farthest ahead actually had his passenger out pushing him. Both cars seemed to be behaving badly. I think they might have been inexperienced college students unused to driving in bad weather, but I have no proof. I still felt that my little Focus could easily go up that hill, so I drove right up the middle between the oncoming traffic and the two crazily skidding SUVs. I think Mark was having another heart attack, but I had no trouble at all getting right up that hill and past those other big SUVs. I was quite proud of myself and my Focus.


NEW PLAN!!

At the top of the hill, I turned right onto Charles Street and took my chances going down through the city on St. Paul. I took it to Chase, then the MLK to I-95. So did everyone else. Super gridlock. No streets had been treated, and to top this all off, schools had closed early and people were leaving work early. Effectively we had slick roads and rush hour traffic happening between 2 and 4 in the afternoon. About 3:50 we were very near the hospital. At that moment the nurse called my cell phone to ask if we were going to make it or not because they had had many people call them to say they couldn't get there. We were right alongside the hospital, so we made it!! I got in there at exactly 4 p.m. and I did get my neulasta shot. YAY! It only took two and a half hours to drive 9 miles.

CRAZY!!

The hospital has a pharmacy, so we were able to get my prescription filled right there and pick it up after the shot. Nice. We also got delicious sugar-free, fat-free hazelnut lattes at the coffee bar to fortify us for the long drive home. By now we had already called Lowell to advise him against coming to the house. It wasn't worth the risk for him to have to travel those bad roads to get to us. We also knew we wouldn't make it back in any kind of timely fashion. We also had no steaks to cook because we never got to Seven Mile Market. Fortunately there were TV dinners in the freezer.

The radio advised that the beltway was a parking lot all the way around and that the two possible exits I could use off the JFX to get back home were full of accidents due to the ice and the big hills. I decided to face the city gridlock and essentially go back the way I came. We left the hospital about 4:45 and made it home by 6:15. Obviously that was half the time it took to go down. By now the snow had almost stopped, less traffic was on the roads in the city, and the streets were starting to clear up. There was actual bare pavement in many places. Calvert Street to St Paul is an easy way north to Cindy's house, so that turned out to be a good choice last night.

When we got home, we were thankful to eat our salad and TV dinners and watch Big Bang Theory on TV. It had been an exhausting round trip to get the neulasta shot and the Flagyl.

OOPS!!

Once we got home, we realized we didn't have the Flagyl. UH? We searched the car, our pockets, my purse. NOPE, no Flagyl. We wracked our brains trying to think of what happened to it, and then we realized what must have occurred. There are some cozy chairs and tables in the lobby right outside the pharmacy. I was sitting in them, emailing Cindy about the change of dinner plans, sipping my latte, and waiting for Mark to get the prescription. When he came out with it, he put it on the table next to me to put his gloves on. I was telling him about Cindy's dinner decisions, putting my hat and gloves back on, and just generally talking away as I often do. Neither of us bothered to pick up that pharmacy bag off the table. AAAGGHHH!! No Flagyl for me last night.

GOOD NEWS!!

I decided to call the hospital pharmacy this morning as soon as they opened at 9 a.m. Fortunately the bag with the Flagyl in it had been discovered and turned into the pharmacist. YIPPEE!! It means another round trip to the hospital today, but I will be able to start this third course of Flagyl by this afternoon.

What a day yesterday was. Nothing went as anticipated except getting my neulasta shot, but that may have been the most important thing of all. We were safe and sound and so was the car, so that is all good. Right?

I expected to wake up this morning with joint pain in my hips and knees, like I did the Friday after the first Taxol, but so far, I have no pain at all. It would be lovely to escape that, but I'll just take it an hour at a time and hope for the best. Now I have to go shower, dress, and drive to the hospital to get the Flagyl. Sadly, the C Diff is very bad again. I'm starting to get quite concerned about it. If this third round of Flagyl does not work, then clearly the oncologist needs to do something different, maybe even refer me to a gastroenterologist or some other doctor to get more aggressive. I'm not sure what can be done, really. The more I read about C Diff the scary it gets, especially since it is not going away at all. I am going on two months now of fighting it.

Hopefully the drive down and back today will be uneventful. No snow is predicted for today, but it is bitter cold so nothing is melting. It's slick and icy out there, so they say. I'll let you know how our round trip to the hospital turns out today! Stay tuned for tomorrow's exciting episode of "Fun with Mark and Becky in Cancer Land."

Middle of the Night Blog

Chemo six yesterday was an interesting experience. I went in without any fears at all, not all scared like the first time two weeks ago. Karen was assigned to me as my nurse, and she had been my nurse before. It was a comfortable feeling. She even had put my name on a chair, all waiting for me with a pillow! She knew I'd probably sleep from the Benadryl. That was so nice. It was about 10:15 when we arrived, and by 10:30 she was accessing my port. No problems, she got it on the first try very well. I'm really glad I'm over the fear of having that port accessed.

The four pre-meds were first, so the Decadron was started. Yesterday the doctor had agreed that the Decadron can cause you to feel highly energized the next day. Tonight I remembered that I didn't sleep a wink the Wednesday night after the first Taxol. I tossed and turned all night in the bed, wondering why I couldn't sleep. Tonight I went up to bed at 11:20, and as usual, Mark and I read in bed until about midnight. Once he turned the lights out and went to sleep, I kept reading my iPhone book in the dark because it has it's own light source. I kept reading; I played solitaire; I read some news on the Time app; I went into the bathroom with the paperback book I'm reading; I sang through all the songs from the first half of the Cabaret in my head to see if I could remember the words; I looked at the clock on my phone every half hour. At 3 a.m. I was ravenously hungry and still not a bit sleepy, so I got up and came downstairs for breakfast. I had a toasted English Muffin, hot tea, and an Activia yogurt. Now I'm writing my blog for the day. Hm...yes, Decadron does give you crazy energy!!

Before the Decadron was actually started, they took my vitals, standard procedure. My BP was low, 83/51, so Karen was afraid to start the Benadryl or Taxol before it came up a bit since both drugs can lower blood pressure. She brought me a glass of ice water and told me to drink it up pretty quickly. She also put up a bag of saline. The Decadron takes 15 minutes to go in and another 15 minutes for some more water and saline. By then my BP had come up to 101/60, so Karen pronounced me ready for the Benadryl, Reglan, and Pepcid. All went well.

Well, I finally had my four pre-meds, just like two weeks ago, and the Benadryl definitely made me a little groggy and sleepy again. I tried to read and watch TV, but it was hard to focus. About 11:50 Mark had to leave to drive down to Laurel Pharmacy and pick up another one of his medications. I was being offered lunch about that time, so I got a tuna salad sandwich, chips, soup, and two delicious-looking oatmeal raisin cookies. I ate everything except the cookies, which I wanted to save for later in the afternoon when I figured I would get hungry again.

At 12 Karen started the Taxol drip. I wasn't at all concerned, but at 12:10 or so I got VERY concerned!! Suddenly I could feel my head and face get hot. A minute later my ears felt like they were on fire. My heart was slamming in my chest, and I could not catch my breath. Whoa! Where did this come from? I saw Karen just a few chairs away from me with another patient. I called to her, "Karen, I'm not feeling right." Immediately she looked at me and suddenly three nurses were hovering over me. George, the nurse who had given me the Taxol two weeks ago was the first to arrive. Instantly he turned the Taxol off. He also called over his shoulder, "Tell the EMT's not to go to lunch." Karen was preparing a syringe of 50 units of Benadryl that she pushed by hand into my IV through the port. The third nurse was taking my vital signs and putting on an oxygen mask. Fortunately the vitals were looking pretty good. I was very red, they said. George remarked that I had not had any of these allergic reactions last time. They were calm and reassuring, constantly telling me that I would feel better soon. They were right. In about ten minutes, I could feel the heat in my ears receding; my head and face did not feel so flushed; I was calming down. They told me to relax and wait about a half hour or so before resuming the Taxol. I remained on the saline and oxygen through that time.

Now it gets really weird! Karen came up to me and asked, "Don't you wear glasses? Are these yours?" She was holding my glasses. I had not realized I wasn't wearing them. She said they had been removed with my lunch tray, but someone noticed them and brought them back. Huh? My lunch tray was gone? My glasses were on the lunch tray? I had no memory of taking them off and putting them on the lunch tray. I remember eating lunch while Mark was still here. In fact, he left while I was still eating. I remember them starting the Taxol because I made a comment to Karen that the main event was starting. I don't remember taking my glasses off, sleeping/passing out, or realizing that the tray had been removed. Weird. The WORST news was that they also removed those delicious-looking cookies that I had been saving for later. Sniff.

At that point I decided to text the kids, Mark, and Cindy about what had happened. I reached into my lap for my iPhone because that's where it had been when I was eating. It wasn't there. I panicked thinking that somehow it might have been removed with the lunch tray also. YIKES! I called out to Karen that I couldn't find my phone. The nice lady who was sitting with another patient to my left told me it was in the chair next to me, the chair Mark had been using. Weird again. That chair is at least a foot or two lower than the big recliners the patients sit in. I have NO memory of reaching over the arm of my recliner to lay the phone down in that chair. It's like I totally lost about ten minutes of time. Passed out? Sleeping? Doing things unconsciously? None of that is like me. It's just weird. Anyway, the phone was there, so I texted everybody about the weird events. I teased Mark by saying, "You can't leave me alone for a minute!"

Karen started the Taxol back up about 1:20, over an hour after my reaction. They went back to the protocol used for the first time: a very, very slow drip, check vitals in 15 minutes, if vitals are good, increase the speed, repeat. After about an hour the speed was back up to the full, normal speed (whatever that is!). Apparently, since I had no reactions last week, they thought that I could tolerate the full, normal speed right away. WRONG! So next time they are going to start it slow and watch for any reactions, following the protocol of the first time. They are undecided as to whether I will get the extra Benadryl right away or not. It's noted in my chart, and the doctor will make that decision. I finished up at 4:10. Officially the center closes at 4, but they stay until everyone is done. I wasn't the last to leave, but there only a few other patients left behind when we walked out. Wow! It was a bit more of an adventure than I had planned on, but it's over. Six down, Two to go, three/quarters of the way finished. I feel really, really good about that.

Mark returned close to 2 p.m. from Laurel, but he had not had time to eat lunch. He went to the Subway in the hospital food court for his salad, but he also brought me three oatmeal raisin cookies! He's a the Best Breast Cancer Husband EVER!! I really enjoyed those cookies. Thanks, Mark.

So now it's 4:10 a.m.! I have finished the story of my Taxol infusion, and I'm watching the Nutcracker Ballet on WETA. Very nice. Maybe before the all-night study sessions of Shavuot, everyone should have a Decadron IV drip. I have never stayed up all night this alert and energized in my life! It's weird.

I have to go get my neulasta shot this afternoon at 4:10, always 24 hours after the chemo ends. That means we will probably be driving through some snow and ice, not much, but the first sticking kind of the season. I hope it's not too bad out there at rush hour in bad weather. Oh, wait, this is the Baltimore/Washington area and it's ALWAYS bad at rush hour and even worse in bad weather. UGH.

We have some shopping to do for Thursday's dinner. Mark is going to make a special steak, french fries, and mushroom dinner that he saw on the Food Channel. Lowell is coming over again for more TV and DVDs. I hope I can stay awake for all of this having now spent the whole night awake. I'll let you know tomorrow!

Confusion

Sorry for the confusion. I got a few emails from some folks who thought I was having my chemo infusion yesterday, Tuesday. Nay, not so. I didn't make it clear though in yesterday's blog, I admit. Actually each chemo cycle is a three-day event. So I began chemo #6 yesterday with the blood draw and doctor visit. Today, Wednesday, I have the main event, the Taxol infusion. That will take between five and six hours today. The finale, or third day, is tomorrow when I go back for the neulasta shot.

So, yesterday, my blood work results showed that everything is normal. The doctor was pleased with how I tolerated the Taxol these past two weeks, and I'm cleared to go in today and do it again. My appointment is for 10:30, so I expect to be there until about 4 p.m. At least I get to sit in the big recliner chairs instead of the bed today. Once they see that you handle it OK in the bed, they let you go back to the chairs. Even dozing off from the Benadryl will be comfortable in those big chairs. The doctor gave me a prescription for oxycodone just in case I feel miserable on Friday and Saturday like last time. We are all crossing our fingers and praying that I don't feel worse or get any other side effects. I'm prepared to feel highly energized tomorrow. The doctor confirmed that the IV decadron can, indeed, provide that burst of manic energy the day after. It's not uncommon. Then I expect to feel achy and crappy Friday and Saturday. I just don't want to have that crappy feeling go beyond that. At least this time I can take some oxycodone if the pain is really bad. I told the doctor that I would have taken it last time if I had had it.

All in all, I'm prepared to get in there and do it, another milestone passed. There will only be two left! Whoee! That is so exciting. I'm starting to feel excited that I'm so close to the end. Our cruise, which leaves Miami on Valentine's Day, is starting to seem like a real possibility. I think the only thing that will hold anything up now is the weather. A little snow could come today; a little more might come Sunday. If snow prevents me from getting to the hospital for a scheduled infusion, then the time crunch could happen. We have a wedding to attend in Queens, NY on January 29 and then a four day drive to Florida. Hopefully there won't be a blizzard to prevent any of those plans from happening!

Up one

Yes, up one today. My weight is up one. Last Tuesday I weighed in at a horrible 237, and today I'm up one. I actually thought I would be down one. Just goes to show I have no idea until I step on that scale.

OK, another week is starting; another chance to eat right is about to begin.

Today also begins chemo cycle #6. This morning I will have my port accessed (not my favorite thing, but I can tolerate it OK now) in order to have blood drawn. My counts will be checked, which takes about an hour, and then I'll meet with my oncologist to assess how I tolerated the Taxol this past two weeks (pretty well!) and decide if I should have the next infusion tomorrow. I'm sure that the counts will be good and that I will have the infusion tomorrow. Two weeks ago I was afraid of having it, but now that I've been through it, I don't fear it. It just takes a really long time, and I know I will doze off from the benadryl. That's OK. I am more nervous about whether the pain levels at the end of the week will be worse than last time. These drugs can cause cumulative effects. I hope not, but it will be what it will be.

Also my 14 day course of Flagyl for the C Diff ends today at 3 p.m. when I take the last pill. I hope it worked this time, but I have a sneaking feeling that it didn't. Although I have no pain from it and the frequency is down to 4-6 times a day (from the 10-12 times two weeks ago), I do not believe it is entirely gone. I will not be surprised if by next weekend it has returned. I'll know right away, and I have a prescription for another 14 days of Flagyl that is undated in my purse. I can go right back on it, but it will be depressing if I have to do that. I'll keep everyone posted.

On a happier note, let me talk about my kids, always one of my favorite topics. Lowell is joining us for TV and dinner tonight in addition to Thursday. His grad school classes at the University of Baltimore are over for this semester, so we have decided to try to double up our episodes of How I Met Your Mother in order to try to finish the series before I leave here at the end of January. It will be fun for me; I hope it's fun for him, too. On Sunday he and Emily went to the Terps basketball game at the new Comcast Center, courtesy of a Hanukkah present from Cindy to Lowell. Although the Terps lost, it was a close game, and I heard from Lowell that it was fun to see the Comcast Center. He is a University of Maryland alum (as are Cindy and I), but he was gone before the new center was built and had not been there before. Cindy even included a parking pass!

Evey had a spectacular weekend in Southern California. She and Eric flew to the LA area and stayed with his aunt in Mission Viejo. They had quite a long delay Saturday morning trying to get out of San Jose because of fog in the south, but once they got there, they had a great time. They spent all day Sunday at Disneyland and Disney's California Adventure parks. The new World of Color show is up and running at DCA, and Evey really wanted to see it. It sounds like Evey and Eric did everything they wanted to do at the parks and enjoyed themselves very much. On Monday, she complained about how HOT it was!! Ha ha!! Hard for us on the East Coast to relate to that. They spent some time at Laguna Beach. Wow! What a weekend for them.

Just checking in

When things are going well, it's hard to think of things to say in the blog. I had such a low-key day yesterday that it was quite relaxing and wonderful. I'm sure everyone would want such a lovely, easy day now and then. Today I got up at the more reasonable time of 7 a.m., which allowed me to have some time for conversation at breakfast with Cindy before she had to head off to work. I like that time.

Today Mark is grading more comic books for sale. There were 36 large tote bins of comics that we could not fit into the POD when we moved, so Cindy allowed us to put them in her garage in July. These were the ones Mark intended to sell. Not all of them will sell, but he's working hard to get as many sold as possible before we leave. Some may have to be donated, recycled, or shipped to Florida.

Soon we are going to Pikesville for a kosher Subway lunch and some shopping at Seven Mile Market. We have to buy some kosher meat because Mark plans to make a Hungry Girl hot roast beef sandwich for us for dinner tonight. That will be interesting. The doctor thought we should curb the amount of soy based products that we eat when she found out I was often eating it three meals a day. Soy has plant based estrogen in it and my cancer is estrogen positive. The oncologist did admit that more studies need to be done to determine if the soy estrogen really affects these cancers. At first she said it was fine to eat it until I informed her I eat it three meals a day, four or five days a week. She seemed pretty horrified by that, so she suggested we eat it only once a day at most. I have substituted the soy sausage links at breakfast for high fiber cereal instead. I'm eating tuna or soup without soy for lunch when we are at home. Mark is making real meat at dinner more often than ever. I have no way of knowing if this is helping the cancer to stay away, but it is providing some entertaining and tasty new dinners!

I could do anything.

Ben's concert was amazing last night. His voice is beautiful; that goes without saying. What was really impressive was his phrasing, his diction, and his emotional delivery of each piece. He really put his entire soul into each song, so expressive! He performed an entertaining mix of styles in several different languages, and the projection of the translations on a screen was also excellent. Mark and I got there right at the last minute, so we were in the very last row of seats. Yet we had no trouble reading the screen because the print was nice and big. I understand we have Rachel to thank for that. Thanks, Rachel! I have to add that Rachel and Ben are a very cute couple, too.

Mark and I also really loved seeing so many of our MT friends. The place was packed, and we had ample time when the concert was over to socialize with people we had not seen in awhile. It was quite delightful, despite the rainy, foggy weather and the hour-long drive each way. Mark commented that he really has a new appreciation for Cindy's support of our many activities at the synagogue over the years. She was always willing to do that hour-long drive each way to come to anything we invited her to over the years. One more way that Cindy is amazing.

One unexpected, yet heart-warming thing occurred at the beginning of the show. Our good friend Jeff was the MC for the evening. Apparently he noticed when Mark and I were getting our tickets, last minute, at the door. When he came out to start the show, he introduced me, saying a "great lady" has come in. He went on to say more and suddenly the whole audience was applauding ME! Ha Ha!! I sure never expected that. At first I just smiled and waved at Jeff from my last row seat, but then the applause kept continuing and everyone was looking. I felt I needed to stand up and acknowledge it, so I did and blew Jeff a kiss for such a nice thing. It was totally unexpected, but I could feel a lot of love coming my way. Thank you to everyone who was there last night for that round of applause (just for showing up, and showing up last minute at that! LOL) and for the positive energy I could feel in the room on my behalf. It was truly touching.

Mark has a long list of chores to do today, but I don't. In fact I didn't even get out of bed until 9:45. I think that's a new record for me. It was rainy and dreary and dark in the room. No incentive to get out of bed! Now it's nearly noon, and I'm still in my nightgown and robe. I actually love this nightgown and robe, soft and warm, so once again there is really no incentive to change. I'm not going anywhere today. My plan is to read, listen to some more Beatles' songs on the iPhone, and watch Mark do chores! He is doing laundry, shopping, working on grading the comic books from the garage in preparation for selling, making some phone calls, catching up on emails, running up and down the steps a million times for various things, cooking; GEEZ, I'm getting exhausted just typing all this. I, on the other hand, am sitting in my chair watching him run around. No wonder he looks like he does, and I look like I do!! LOL

I did take another 30 minute walk yesterday. It wasn't even that cold, so it was fun. If it stops raining today, I might get dressed and do the same today. I really should because that's the only way to get my strength back and burn up some more calories. I feel completely normal again today, and that's an excellent thing. Except for the physical changes (no hair, half a breast, and a port under my skin), I really don't feel like I have cancer today. I feel like I could do anything. Hm...I think I'll listen to some more Beatles' music!

The first snowfall of the season.

It snowed yesterday! OK, it was just about an hour; it was just a quick clipper system; it didn't stick long. Still, it was FUN. I actually love snow, especially a little one that doesn't require any shoveling. Mark hates it, even little ones, so he was not happy to see this little burst of snow; however, I was still able to get him to go out in it and take a walk with me. I was feeling very good yesterday, so we walked twice around Cindy's very, very big block. The walk took about 30 minutes. Wow! That was a really long walk for me lately. It's a lot farther than the four blocks down and back to the mailbox. This time I didn't run out of energy until we were almost back to the house on the second time around, no irregular heart beats, no cinder block legs to drag along. I just felt great until the last couple of minutes. Then it felt like a woman who hadn't walked for 30 minutes in over two months, and that was very normal! I resolve to go out again today and do the same walk, maybe a little more.

Tonight I'm going to the synagogue to a concert. The son of our cantor studied voice as an undergrad. He's now in grad school and contemplating becoming a rabbi someday, but tonight he is gracing our synagogue with a concert of classical and Jewish music. I could have saved a little money by buying tickets in advance, but I was afraid to commit to it. I decided it was better to pay a little more at the door than lose it all if I couldn't make it. I'm pretty sure at this point that we will make it, and I'm really looking forward to it. I know it will be awesome.

I did try to curb my eating a little yesterday. It wasn't a strict diet day, but I definitely ate less than I had been doing. I'm going to try to stay on track, and maybe there will be something positive to report on Tuesday.

Normal is Nice but am I really there yet?

Since Monday, I have felt entirely normal. I have had no aches, no pains, no nausea, no fatigue, nothing but normal. Can this continue? Let's all pray that it does, at least until next Wednesday when I have the second Taxol infusion anyway.

If things are normal, I should behave normally. Right? Right. Of course, I'm NOT. Normal should be eating appropriately, walking regularly, writing down what I eat, counting the calories, and working at the weight loss. So far that has not happened. Hm...why is that? I guess because I am still, deep down, concerned and depressed about the cancer. When I'm upset, I eat. I am the kind of person who deals with their problems by overeating. I talked about Binge Eating Disorder (BED) in a much earlier post, and I think I even included some links to it. I'm pretty sure, without a professional diagnosis, that this fits me to a "T."

I read somewhere once that the brain can only cope with so much at a time. That's probably very true. I can only focus on a few things at a time, and there is only so much "control" to go around. Right now, even though I feel healthy without debilitating side effects, I am still worried and a bit depressed about my diagnosis. Yes, I'm near the end of the chemotherapy, but there are no guarantees with this disease. Until literally years have gone by, the radiation is over, and the hair has returned, I don't think I'll feel free of it. It's not an uncommon reaction in BC women to feel that threat hanging over their heads for years and years. Some women escape the recurrence and some don't. There is no way to know which woman I am until years have passed. I only hope that at some point I can put the fear and depression (and yes, still some residual anger) aside and focus on something else like a more healthy lifestyle and continued weight loss. Today I just don't feel like I'm there yet.

On a happier note, because I do feel so well, Mark and I went to the mall yesterday to buy a few last minute gifts. While there, we decided to see the new Harry Potter movie since the timing was working out. I enjoyed it, but it's been so long since the last one and since I read the books that I barely remembered the plot line. Ah, it didn't really matter. I still liked it.

Lowell came over for DVDs and dinner, our usual Thursday. Mark made "waffles and wings," a dinner he had heard about on the Food Channel. Gladys Knight owns a restaurant in Atlanta that serves this as a specialty, so we had decided to try it. We were able to get pareve waffles, buffalo wings, and fried drumsticks at Seven Mile Market, the kosher grocery store. With broccoli and salad, it was a wonderful dinner. I love fried chicken, so that was a real treat. Ha Ha! If I was on my usual diet regimen, I would NEVER eat any of this! Sigh. Oh, but it was so delicious!!

Today I plan to read, write a few more Christmas cards, and take a walk. I have already not eaten an appropriate breakfast, but the rest of the day could still be good. At least I'll try to be good.

Last Day of Hanukkah

This holiday season has been a great one, despite everything. I don't think I ever got so many presents, partly because my youngest brother, Mark, and his wife, Carol, drew my name in the present lottery. They sent a box with eight presents in it for me to choose from. Every night I selected something. One of the best things about each gift was that it was accompanied by a post card with a handwritten note on it. The cards were from Key West or other warm beach locations. Did I mention Mark and Carol live in Myrtle Beach? They obviously love beaches. As Cindy always says, "Some nights are better than other," and so it was true with the gifts from Mark and Carol. Among that category were a "boxing" pen, a rubber ball paddle, foam darts, and a whoopie cushion. On the other hand, some nights were GREAT! They gave me a glass dolphin necklace, a beautiful shell/wood bracelet, and a snow globe with a picture of my Mark, me, Carol, and Mark W. from our visit to them last summer. This was fabulous and will have a place of honor in our new home when we return.

My dad and Cindy were the ones who started the Hanukkah Box phenomenon. My dad died in 1988, but he used to ship us a box with eight presents for each of us in it. Cindy has spent decades showing up at our door on Hanukkah with eight presents, numbered for each night, for all of the Silversteins. She is awesome. She continued this tradition through this holiday as well, but since we are living here with her, we decided to roll her into the Hanukkah present tradition. Mark and I had eight presents for her this year also. She wasn't our "person" from the present lottery, but we just had to be sure she was showered with gifts this year as an inadequate expression of our appreciation for the use of her house for six months.

Mark did not grow up in a house where eight presents were exchanged with every family member. He doesn't really remember getting presents from his parents, but he does remember getting chocolate gelt coins from his grandfather. When we were dating, I decided to get him eight gifts for Hanukkah, and we continued that tradition after I converted and we were married. This was a tradition that I guess we began for ourselves as newlyweds, so of course, Mark and I exchanged 8 presents with each other, and we had 8 presents to give to each of our kids. I already posted about our Hanukkah party on the second night, when Kip and Denise also brought over some gifts. Lowell and Evey sent us presents as well. Wow! This Hanukkah truly was the best ever, despite cancer, despite living in Cindy's house instead of our own, despite Evey not being here. We have been blessed with a wonderful holiday.

Yesterday we also met our friends Bev and John at a restaurant for lunch. We had a wonderful time, and the restaurant was quiet and uncrowded enough that it allowed us to sit there talking for over three and a half hours! They never asked us to leave, so it was absolutely delightful. I love feeling so healthy that this is possible.

Today I'm planning to do a little more shopping. Something Mark ordered online isn't going to come, so we're going out to hunt it down the old way. We also have one more person to buy for, so we'll do a little gift shopping as well as some grocery shopping. Lowell will be coming tonight for TV and dinner, so we need to be back in time for that. It should be another great day.

Except for the two painful days last week, this Taxol treatment has gone very well. I know that it's impossible to predict that all the infusions will go the same way, but it would be nice if they did. I know I can get through the last three chemo sessions if I only have to feel bad for two days. That's a lot better than the A/C treatments! Let's all hope this is how it goes.

Lunch out

I got all my Christmas cards finished yesterday, so I'll take them out to the mailbox today. It was a good day yesterday in general. Mark finally had time to bring in two of the 36 boxes of comic books sitting in Cindy's garage and start sorting them, grading them, and posting them for sale. It's a slow tedious process, but it has to be done.

Today we have plans to meet our friends Bev and John at a restaurant for lunch. We tried do this a few weeks ago, but I ended up going into the cancer center and sitting with a four hour bag of saline instead for dehydration. The next day I was admitted to the hospital for the second time. So far today it doesn't look like there will be a repeat of that! I have been feeling remarkably healthy since Sunday.

I really appreciated the comments I got on yesterday's post. In the morning when I wrote that, I felt very depressed, but as the day went on I did feel better. Those blog comments helped as well as the personal emails I received. It is important, as Bev and others said, to remember all the brave women who survive for 10 years or more. I'm already 60, and I never expected to live much past 70 anyway. If I can beat this for 10 years, I will be very grateful. Anything past 70 will definitely be a bonus!

It's COLD out today, colder than the last few days. Even in Florida, it's in the thirties, not exactly conducive to lounging on the lanai in the morning. Stay warm, everybody.

Pearl Harbor and Other Thoughts

Mark and I had the wonderful opportunity to visit the Arizona Memorial in Honolulu last spring. Once you've been there, it's impossible to forget the importance of this date again. Our trip to Hawaii was incredible, and I would highly recommend it to everyone. Whether you fly over and visit the islands or cruise across the Pacific Ocean like we did, it is definitely one of those "not to be missed" experiences. I have included a few pictures today from that trip. One is of the Arizona Memorial as we approached it on the boat to go over to Pearl Harbor. One is inside the memorial where the names of the men who went down with the ship and are still entombed inside are listed. The last one is me back in the port/shopping area of Honolulu. As I was looking back at our vacation pictures, I was struck with how I looked here by the flowers. I was unaware that breast cancer was in my future. I was over 20 pounds smaller than I am now, and I have hair. What a difference! I just want to be that person again.

I also included two other pictures. One is me in our sleeper car on the train as we pulled out of Washington, D.C. on March 2, 2010 to start our 7 week vacation, which included the Hawaiian cruise. It was a Tuesday, so I had checked my weight that morning, 208 pounds. The last picture is me having my first Taxol infusion last Wednesday, December 1. It shows how much weight I have gained. When Mark took that picture, I immediately made him take another one because I was so horrified by how this one looked. Today I'm posting it precisely for that reason. It's weigh-in day, and I am 237 pounds this morning. That is a five pound gain for the week. Last Tuesday I did not report my weight because I had remained the same at 232 for the week. I thought that was pretty good because it included Thanksgiving. I felt pretty happy to have stayed the same for that week. Now I've gained five more. It feels like it just will not stop. I don't think it's just the steroids or the chemo. It's not only that I don't exercise anymore, although that's certainly true. It's mostly that I am out of control. I don't make any effort anymore to control my eating. I eat too much at meals and too much between meals. I don't write anything down. I don't think about it at all. It's mindless, binge-eating, all too often.

People tell me not to worry about it right now. I'm supposed to think about getting rid of the cancer and staying healthy. I'm supposed to keep my nutrition up. I'm sure that's all true, but good nutrition has nothing to do with the amount of donuts and candy I have been consuming lately. Staying strong and healthy has nothing to do with sitting in a chair or a car all day while I eat over 3,000 calories. Yesterday when we did the errands, Mark went in to most of them. The only time I got out of the car was to go into Denny's for lunch and Dunkin' Donuts to pick out the dozen donuts for the last three nights of Hanukkah. This morning I ate two of those donuts for breakfast along with an Activia yogurt and six Morningstar veggie sausage links. I really didn't need those donuts!

I am feeling depressed this morning, not because I feel sick because I don't. I feel good this morning with barely any aches and pains. I'm depressed because I've been thinking about Elizabeth Edwards. She is the second person in the last few months that is succumbing to her breast cancer. A friend of mine from Goddard died recently of a recurrence of her breast cancer, and now Elizabeth Edwards has been told there is nothing more they can do for her. She is 61 years old. She did everything we all do. She had surgery, chemotherapy, and I think she also had radiation. She was cancer-free, but it makes you think, "Is anyone ever really cancer-free again?"

I'm sorry to be such a "downer" this morning to those reading this blog. Still, you all know that I can only write what is in my heart. I don't want to hold anything back because the point of this blog is not to entertain or to inform others but to keep me sane and grounded. I write it because it helps me cope with everything. It gives me the chance to focus for a few minutes each day on what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, and where I'm going. Today I don't think I'm doing enough, feeling happy, or going anywhere. I can only proceed with my cancer treatment plan and pray that five or six years from now, I do not get the same news that Celeste MacMillan and Elizabeth Edwards got. If I do, I hope I can handle it with the grace and beauty that these two wonderful women did.