Time for Resolutions

On this day last year, I made the same New Year's Resolution that I make every year: lose weight. The difference is that I actually did it this year! So today, I am reaffirming that resolution because I'm not finished yet. I have not reached my ultimate goal weight of 175. In fact, I've been slowing down in the weight loss ever since the surgery on November 2. The fear of getting the weight off for that surgery worked like a charm to keep me motivated, and now I am having trouble keeping that motivation and commitment going. So this is the logical day to make the New Year's Resolution again so that in one year's time I can say, "Wow, I made it all the way!"

In thinking about last year, I looked back in my notebook where I keep my food journal. I remembered that I had written something to inspire me. I haven't read it for a year, so today I read it again and have decided to put it into the log to share with all of you. Here it is.

"January 5, 2009
I'm writing this in (teacher's name) English 11 class as the students write a 10 minute journal entry on New Year's Resolutions. It seemed appropriate for me to express some thoughts on the subject as well.

So many times in my 58 years I have started a diet, obsessed about my weight, written diet diaries, tracked my food, and FAILED at dieting. In many ways, this is just one more attempt.

If I was a depressed and unhappy person, if I was chronically bored or lonely, if I was under some physical, financial, or mental stress, perhaps my binge-eating could be explained, although not forgiven. None of those things are true, so it is completely baffling to me WHY I continue to overeat, slowly sabotage my health, and potentially shorten my life.

Perhaps I should give myself some credit for being able, once again, to start again. Perhaps this will be the time it works. Time will tell. I want to begin this time by listing all of my many, many blessings.

I am blessed because...
1. I have Mark! He brings me so much happiness that my heart sings.
2. I have Lowell and Evey! In my earlier years, I feared that I would not marry or have children. How wrong I was! Lowell and Evey are beautiful, wonderful adults. Mark, Lowell, and Evey are my rocks!
3. I have had a good career that has allowed me to retire with a decent income and move to this nice job at (school name).
4. I have so many wonderful people in my family and synagogue who love me and support me.
5. I have enough of everything I need: love, money, housing, health, hobbies.

These five things need to be in front of me every moment. I need to focus on the positive and fight my addiction one meal, one snack, one bite at a time.

Now I'm setting up new pages for each week's log. Good luck to me!"

That was last year. I hit 317 on January 20, 2009 (after putting weight on instead of taking it off), but this morning, I am about 216. So that's 101 pounds lost in the past 49 weeks. I wish it was more, in fact it HAD been more, but I know I have been cheating pretty consistently for the past few weeks. It's now time to put that cheating aside and get back on track. It's just about three weeks to the exact year point of last year's highest weight on January 20. I hope to drop some more by then so at least I have lost the 110 that I once had lost a few weeks ago. Bummer that I've regained 9 pounds, but it's also typical of my ongoing struggle.

It's also not the official weigh-in day, so I'm just guessing based on the bunny scale. By the way, I have been asked what the bunny scale is. It's an old scale that I used to use and gave to Evey. When she moved her things back home last spring, the old scale also came back and has been stored in the room where the bunny rabbit lives. So I just started calling it the bunny scale. It pretty consistently shows a weight about five or six pounds less than my regular digital scale.

So that's my retrospective look at where I was last year. I have come a long way in my weight loss journey. I've had my surgery and recovered. I'm looking forward to my show at the end of January, putting the house on the market, taking a big vacation, seeing my daughter graduate from college, and moving to Florida. Wow! The new year and the new decade will be full of wonderful things. I need to face all these changes at a healthy weight. I really believe that I will!

Happy New Year and a Happy, Healthy Future to everyone who may be reading this blog.